“Shawna, listen to me.”
“After I saw you with her, I kept telling myself it was a nightmare.” She started to shake, could feel her control slipping away.
“Shawna.”
“I didn’t want to believe it had happened.”
“I was young and stupid. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to handle the situation with both of you there.”
“You never even called.”
“I should have, right away, but I didn’t know what to say, and I thought you hated me. I didn’t think you’d accept a call from me.”
“I waited.” The pain-filled words fell between them like a bomb, shutting down the back and forth. Her eyes dodged his. She hadn’t meant to admit that. It came out and she wished she could take it back.
He reached across the table, but she pulled back before he could touch her, placing both hands in her lap. She couldn’t stand it if he touched her. His touch wouldn’t offer comfort—it would simply cause more pain in her emotional state.
His fingers curled into a fist on the tabletop. “I went to the hotel as soon as I could, but you had already left.”
She looked across the table at him. “I never received a single message or a text from you.”
He shook his head. “I gave up too easily.” He leaned forward. “I’m sorry. I left The Haven Hotel and I wandered for a while. I couldn’t face Holly or my brother. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’d screwed up everything. I never touched her in Chicago because that was our place. You and me. Holly and I argued, and I—”
“I’d rather not know the details, thank you.” She still couldn’t look at him. She had no right to feel envious. She had been the other woman, but for two nights he’d been hers, and the fact that he’d wound up back in Holly’s arms opened a fresh wound.
“You should have never approached me that day on the street and make—” She’d almost admitted it. She’d almost said aloud what she’d hardly been able to say even to herself: make me fall for you, make me need you.
“I know I shouldn’t have approached you, but to be honest, I didn’t expect things to move so fast. Once we had dinner, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t not spend time with you. Can you understand that at all? Can you comprehend a little bit of what I felt?”
She could. She understood it well because she’d been driven by the same desire to be with him. She didn’t want to feel that way again because she didn’t know herself when she was with him. It scared her.
Time to go. She started putting on her sweater.
“What are you doing?” Ryan asked in an alarmed voice.
“I’m leaving. I did what you asked. I had dinner with you.”
“We haven’t finished talking.”
“There’s nothing else to say.”
“We have a lot of catching up to do. I have questions.”
“I won’t be answering them.”
“What about you? Don’t you have any more questions?”
She set her purse on her lap. “You answered the only one that I cared about.”
“Shawna, I never touched her until we were back in Oklahoma—until I tried and couldn’t reach you.”
“I don’t care. What’s done is done and we can’t go back. Okay? Let it go.”
He shook his head, his jaw hardening with resolve. “I can’t do that. I’m a different man than I was back then. You’re right, I should have never approached you. I should have never lied when you asked me if I had a girlfriend. I was selfish. I was an ass. But everything I did was because I knew you were special and I felt that we could have something special. For a couple of days, I was the happiest I’d ever been in my life.”
“I don’t want to hear this.”
“My life hasn’t been the same since the day I met you.”
Invisible fingers squeezed her heart tight. “Don’t.”
“When I saw you tonight, I realized nothing had changed. Give me another shot, Shawna. I’m not the same man.”
“I’m not the same foolish woman I was, either,” Shawna said.