“What did you say?” Shawna asked sharply. She must have misheard.
“I told Holly about us once she and I went back to Oklahoma. She forgave me—said that she understood if I needed to get one last fling out of my system before we settled down.” He laughed, an empty, hollow sound. A pained expression came over his face. “I wish things had been different. That you had been the one to forgive me and she’d been the one to walk away.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. I never stopped thinking about you. I tried to find you in South Carolina. I still thought about you, and I thought if I could get a chance to talk to you and explain, you’d understand.”
She’d changed her number shortly after she left Chicago because her sister had decided to move to Atlanta with her new husband and Shawna had followed, seeking new opportunities.
“Understand what? You made me the other woman.”
“That was never my intention.”
“What was your intention, because I don’t understand. Why approach me when you had a girlfriend?”
“I honestly don’t know. I didn’t think far enough ahead. I regret the way I handled things, but I couldn’t let you walk away without meeting you.” The rawness in his voice reached out to her, made her insides quiver. “Afterward, I decided to use whatever means necessary to hold onto you.”
“Even if it meant lying?”
“Yes.”
“That doesn’t make you a very trustworthy person.”
“I’m telling you the truth now.”
Shawna looked away from the intensity of his gaze. Playing with the napkin on the tabletop, she berated herself for the bit of joy that filled her with his words. I couldn’t let you walk away. Yet he had.
Head held high, she’d walked away with as much dignity as she could. Once out of view, she’d taken off running down the sidewalk, uncaring of the stares of strangers and the tears streaming down her cheeks. She’d only known she had to get back to the hotel and the privacy of her room so she could manage the unbearable pain of seeing him with another woman and the realization that what they’d shared had been a lie. She’d never felt pain like that before or since.
“You hurt me.”
“I know.”
“Were you ever going to tell me? Or was what we did some dirty little secret?”
“It wasn’t dirty,” he said forcefully. “I swear to you, I planned to tell you. When I saw you on Sunday, outside my brother’s apartment, I intended to tell you then, but I didn’t get the chance.”
“How do I know you’re telling me the truth now?”
“You don’t. But it is the truth. I’ll tell you the truth about anything. Just ask me. I know you have questions and I want to earn your trust. Ask me anything and I’ll answer truthfully.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes.”
Shawna’s fingers stilled on the napkin. “Did you love her?”
“The way I felt about her paled in comparison to the way I felt about you.”
“Answer the question. Were you in love with her when you slept with me?”
“It’s a terrible thing to say, but no, I didn’t love her. I’d had my doubts before, but being with you made me realize that I didn’t love her. I’d gone to Chicago to make a decision about my life and my relationship with Holly, and you helped me make it.” He took a deep breath, as if bracing himself. “What else?”
“You said you broke up, but . . . did you ever sleep with her again?”
“Shawna . . .”
“You said I could ask you anything.”
“Anything but that.”
“Your response is my answer, but I want to hear you say it.”
His eyes looked steadily into hers. “Yes.”
She’d goaded him, yet now that he’d told her, the words tore at her insides. “Of course you did. You have quite the libido.”
“It’s not what you think. It only happened after I thought I’d never see you again, and I—”
“Thank goodness you didn’t get our names mixed up.”