I chewed on a bite of the sandwich she slipped under the pillow for me. It was soft and simple and reminded me of my childhood. After slipping me another bite, Jo spoke up. “Are you still wearing his medal?”
The futon’s cushion pressed the cold medal against my chest. It was heavy and unwieldy and I wore it every day, like an albatross. I’d nabbed it from the opera house bathroom with the intention of giving it back to him—surely, he hadn’t meant to leave it behind—but then I’d slipped it around my neck and the weight had felt good. The medal represented everything Dean had struggled for in life and when I wore it, I pretended that included me.
“I’m not not wearing his medal, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Lil, we need to set you up with someone already, just to get you focused on someone new.”
“YES!” I cried.
“Really? You want me to find someone?”
“Of course not, but I can finally afford my pool!”
Chapter Forty-Eight
Dean
Julian and I were halfway through a Saturday morning bike ride when his phone rang. He waved me over to the side of the road. We hopped up onto the sidewalk and I pulled out my water bottle, guzzling down half of it while he spoke on the phone.
“Yeah, I can be there in a second,” he said. “I’m actually biking right by your place now.”
He flashed me an apologetic smile, but I shrugged him off. If it weren’t for Julian, I’d have been working my way through a pile of building plans.
“We need to pause the ride?” I asked as he hung up.
He nodded. “Josephine wants me to come take a look at their dishwasher before she calls in a maintenance request.”
I smirked. “You ever fix a dishwasher before?”
He laughed and hopped back onto his bike. “Never. My plan is to bang on it a few times and then tell her to call in the request.”
I shook my head and pulled out onto the road after him. He stood and pedaled fast to set our pace and I raced after him, appreciating the lack of weekday traffic. By the time we reached Josephine’s apartment complex, my legs were on fire.
I locked my bike up beside Julian’s and thought of Lily. It was a maddening game, trying to convince myself that she and I were over. I knew I’d ruined it. It’d taken so long to peel back her stubborn, annoying, controlling layers so that I could catch even a single glimpse of her vulnerable side, and in that same night, I’d taken whatever measly amount of trust I’d earned and tossed it out the window.
She wouldn’t give me a second chance. Lily was too smart to waste her time on a guy who didn’t have his priorities in order.
I followed Julian up the stairs to their apartment and debated whether or not I should wait for him outside. I hadn’t seen Lily in two weeks and she’d made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want to see me. Her emails about being sick were obviously a ploy to get out of having to endure an awkward situation.
Julian knocked on their door, and I took a deep breath. My heart was racing from my bike ride. I’d pedaled fast and that’s why it was hard to breathe. That’s why.
Josephine pulled the door open and greeted us with a smile that faltered for only a moment when she saw me.
“Dean! I didn’t realize you were with Julian.”
Julian dipped down and gave her a kiss as we stepped through the front door.
“We were on a bike ride when you called,” I explained, scanning the apartment for Lily. It was a tiny space and it only took a second to realize she wasn’t there.
I hadn’t considered the fact that she wouldn’t be home and I hated the ideas that cropped up in my head for why she wasn’t there. Had she spent the night out somewhere? With the blind date guy?
I stepped farther into the apartment and caught sight of an enormous empty jar with my name on it on the countertop. Josephine caught my line of sight and bolted toward it, ripping it away before I could make out all of the words.
I smirked.
She cleared her throat and hid it as best as she could. “That was nothing. Just a…dumb game we were playing.”
I opened my mouth to reassure her that I hadn’t seen all of it as the front door opened behind us.
“Jo, I know I said I was going to run errands, but the bakery downstairs had a sale on croissants, so I had to stop and get some.” The three of us turned toward the door to see Lily walk into the apartment clutching a brown bag full of croissants in her arms. “And then I couldn’t keep walking around with a bag of croissants, right?” She dropped her keys in a little bowl by the door, dropped the bakery bag on the kitchen table, and then froze in place as her gaze met mine.
“What the ever-loving fuck are you doing here?” she asked, narrowing her eyes with a fierceness I hadn’t seen in weeks. I forgot how quickly her claws could come out.
I laughed and then quickly stole back the sound. Laughing wouldn’t make her less angry, even if she had just said something funny.
“He came with me—” Julian began, thinking he could throw me a lifeline.
“I came to help fix your dishwasher,” I said, crossing my arms.