I shook my head and rounded the desk, pausing as my shoulder brushed against Lily’s. “If you still want to quit after Monday, then I’ll respect your decision.”
Her fiery brown eyes turned to me. Her lips were the closest they’d been in weeks, red and swollen from her rubbing them together. It was painful to keep my distance, but I wouldn’t win her back with a half-baked speech in my office. She deserved more, and I was prepared to give her everything I had.
“I’m not coming,” she said, so softly that Zoe couldn’t hear.
I bent toward her, brushing my hand against hers and squeezing once before letting go.
“Please.”
Chapter Fifty-One
Lily
I spent the remainder of the week getting my ducks in a row. Dean would need to replace me and I didn’t want to make it harder on him than it had to be. Everything I was working on—seasonal cocktail menus, wine lists, menu ideas, and potential pairings—was now neatly typed up and saved to a thumb drive. I wasn’t nearly finished with any of it, but I tried to condense my ideas as sensibly as possible so that his next consultant could pick up right where I left off.
I had no clue what I would do for work. I would have loved to find another consulting job, but I knew it wouldn’t be possible without more experience. I could have asked Dean for a letter of recommendation, but I was too prideful. I’d scrimp and save and focus my energy on my blog for a little bit. If web traffic to my reviews started taking off, that would generate a little bit of income, and in the meantime, there was always bartending. It wasn’t stimulating work, but the tips would help sustain me until I figured out what I would do.
“So what are you doing tonight?” Josephine asked as she came out of the bathroom decked out in a killer dress. The smooth material was breezy and swayed side to side as she walked toward the kitchen table. She reached for a pair of dangling earrings, sliding the first one in as she assessed me on the futon.
I held up my laptop. “Working.”
She arched a dark brow and then nodded. “On restaurant reviews?”
I nodded, glancing back down at the blinking curser on my laptop. I’d started typing a sentence thirty minutes ago and had yet to finish.
La Patisserie is…
Is what?
A good restaurant?
A bad restaurant?
Apparently, I couldn’t even get that far.
“It’s going really well,” I lied.
She nodded, indulging me.
“So you aren’t going?”
She didn’t even need to clarify where. The night before, she’d talked my ear off about why I should give Dean another chance. I didn’t agree. Dean and I weren’t a couple. I’d worn my heart on my sleeve and I’d gotten burned. End of story. No epilogue, no encore, no second chances.
“I love you, but I think you’re making a huge mistake,” she said, tucking her clutch under her arm.
I let my head fall back against the futon.
“You look really pretty.”
She rolled her eyes, annoyed with me for ignoring her protests. It wouldn’t do any good for her to keep badgering me. The more she told me to go, the more I wanted to stay.
“It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s already 7 PM. He’s not there any more.”
“So you stood him up?” she asked, a sour expression marring her pretty features.
“Don’t make it more dramatic than it is, Jo.”
She shook her head, but I could see the sadness there. I could tell she wanted to ask me more, to push me to fight for him, but she stayed quiet as she packed up her clutch. She was heading for the door, off to meet Julian for a date, when I realized something.
“You know, Jo, I always thought I wanted a relationship like you and Julian’s, but I don’t. I don’t want it to be that easy. I hated Dean just as much as I loved him. How twisted is that?”
She pressed her lips together and her sad gaze hit the floor before she glanced back at me. “In the beginning, I thought you two would tear each other apart.”
I stared at where his medal sat on our coffee table. It was always near me, always reminding me of what I’d almost had.
“I guess I wasn't that far off.”
I never replied and she left for her date. The door closed, leaving me in silence, and I settled back on the futon. There was no point in second-guessing my decision. I hadn’t lied to Josephine. Dean had asked me to meet him two hours earlier, I’d stood him up, and that was that.
I picked up a magazine and covered his medal, tucking the ribbon underneath so that it was completely out of sight. I grabbed my laptop and pulled up my favorite restaurant blog. It was useless to try and force myself to work. I just wanted to distract myself until I was tired enough to sleep.