“Because she isn’t. None of them are, Ash.”
“But when your hands were on her hips...” She broke off with a shake of her head. “When I saw you touch her, I realized just how foolish I’m being. You and me—whatever we’ve been feeling is probably just because of our close proximity on the bus. Or because we each know the other is off-limits so that makes it seem more exciting. But out in the real world—”
His mouth was on hers before he even knew what he was doing. He just couldn’t stand to listen to her tell them both lies. Not when everything they’d said to each other before tonight had been completely honest.
This was the real world.
The only world that mattered.
He was too wound up to be gentle. Too scared that he was going to lose her to do anything but thread his hands into her hair and deepen the kiss. He’d tried to show her with words just how much she meant to him, but she stubbornly refused to listen. Which left out every option but this—his mouth on hers, their bodies straining together, the aching need that had been building between them about to combust from nothing more than a kiss.
But then, he realized she was trembling, and sanity washed over him like a bucket of ice water dumped over his head.
“Ash.” He slid his hands from her hair to stroke her cheeks, as gentle now as he’d been rough just seconds before. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Or scare you.”
“You aren’t hurting me. And you’ve never scared me.” But when she inhaled deeply, he saw the way it shook through her. “I just...I’ve never felt this way. Never felt so much. I don’t know how to process it. First, I was so happy after this afternoon. And then I was so jealous at the party. And now, after that kiss...” She shook her head. “It’s like I’m completely full and yet empty all at the same time. Empty and aching.”
“I’ve never felt like this either. Just with you. I know I’m going too fast, but the thought of losing you—” His chest squeezed tight at the thought of not seeing her every day. Of not being able to talk with her and laugh with her. Of never holding her in his arms again. “I don’t want to lose you. Tell me what to do so that I don’t keep screwing this up.”
“If it were just us...”
She stopped and looked down at their entwined hands, and he finally realized just how small hers were inside his. She was so capable, so strong, that he’d never noticed before just how delicate she was—and it only made him angrier at himself that he’d just been so rough with her. All because he couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving his bus tonight and never coming back.
“Honestly,” she finally continued, “even just us is complicated, since you’re a superstar and I’m just me.”
“Just you?” Frustration bubbled up inside him again. “Why can’t you see how amazing you are?”
“I know I’m good at numbers. And research. And being a good girl.” She made a face. “But I don’t know how to do the kinds of things normal, sexier girls do. My mother tried to teach me about clothes and makeup and boys, but I never felt like I measured up, so it was safer not to try to compete.”
“I could tell you a million times over how special you are and how sexy,” he said in a gentle voice, “but maybe that’s where I’m getting it all wrong. Maybe I need to show you, instead. Can I show you, Ash? Can I love you the way you should be loved?”
At the word love her eyes widened and her gaze locked on his. “What about the promise you made to my father?”
“I put you on my bus to make sure that you left the tour the same way you came. But it’s too late for that already, isn’t it? Both of us have changed. From that very first conversation, nothing has been the same, has it?”
“No,” she agreed, “it hasn’t.”
“I respect your father a great deal. And I’m a man who believes in keeping my promises. But this isn’t about your father. You’re right that you’re not a little girl anymore. You’re a woman who can make her own decisions about what she wants. You’re a woman I’ve fallen head over heels for. You’re a woman I can’t stop thinking about. You’re a woman I want to be with more than I’ve ever wanted to be with anyone in my life. More than I thought it was possible to want.” He brought her hand to his chest and held it over his heart. “But you already know that, don’t you? Deep in your heart, you can feel that mine is beating only for you, can’t you?”
She didn’t say anything for a few long moments. Long enough that renewed panic began to sprint up his spine. Ashley had made him happier in the past week than he’d been in a very long time.
Losing her right after he’d finally found her would be unbearable.