Ansel was saying something to him about killing it tonight, but Drew was looking only at her while he stroked his thumb across her palm in a way that made her shiver despite the warmth of the crowded area where they were standing.
It was the smallest, quickest caress in the world, one that no one else could have spotted in the darkness behind the thick curtain that separated the backstage area from the bright stage lights. And just as she couldn’t help but want to read meaning into the note he’d left her while she was sleeping, now she couldn’t stop herself from doing the exact same thing as the skin on her palm continued to tingle even after he walked on stage to begin his set.
*
Most nights Drew talked to the audience between songs. Tonight, he had only the words from his songs. Fortunately, his band was adept at following his nonverbal cues by now and kept up with his pace no problem.
He wasn’t planning to play “One More Time,” honestly just didn’t feel like he could bear the weight of it tonight. Especially not after the way the label execs had pretty much given him a polite golf clap after he’d played it in the office today.
But it turned out that telling himself he wouldn’t play the song wasn’t much different from telling himself not to keep looking over at Ashley in the wings throughout the show. She didn’t smile when he looked, didn’t give him a thumbs-up either. She simply watched him play with those big, beautiful eyes.
And she cared.
She’d shown him again and again just how much emotion, how much passion she was capable of. Which was exactly why he’d had to shut her down halfway through the morning during his meetings at the label. Because just as his new song affected him too deeply, so did she. And when a guy was barely holding himself together...
Before he realized it, his fingers were playing the first chords of “One More Time” and his band was stepping back. The crowd went crazy...but every word he sang, every note was for Ashley.
He left the stage after that song, just walked off with his guitar, and stopped in front of her. There were tears running down her cheeks, and he reached out to brush them away the way he’d so badly wanted to during the meeting that morning. “I’ve got to head back to the meet-and-greet room. But do you want to get out of here after that? Head down to the beach, just you and me?”
When she nodded, he almost felt like he could breathe again.
He knew Ansel and the rest of the Chief Records employees who had come to the show tonight would be expecting him to party with them, but he couldn’t do it. Not tonight. “Max, can you tell the label reps to go ahead without me and that I’ll swing by if there’s a chance I can make it later? And whatever you do, don’t mention anything to them about a beach.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Max said with a smile. “In fact, I’ll let them know you’ve got a busy schedule tomorrow and are probably going to need your rest after the nonstop day you had in their offices.”
Drew wanted to take Ashley’s hand as they headed down the hall to the meet-and-greet rooms, wanted so much more than just that slight brush of his fingertips against hers before he’d walked on stage. But he knew that one touch wouldn’t be enough, just as the earlier one hadn’t been. If he held her hand, he’d want to hold all of her.
“Drew,” she said in a soft voice, “about what happened this morning at the label—”
“I can’t talk about that now.”
She flinched, and he cursed aloud. Damn it, he hadn’t meant for it to come out so sharply. He just didn’t have much control right now. Not on any front. Not when everything inside his head, his heart, felt like it was spinning out.
He stopped walking and reached out to take her hands. “I’m sorry. I’m being an asshole.”
“You’re not.”
“I am.” He nearly cursed again. “See, I’m doing it again.” He made himself pause to try to get his shit at least a little bit together before saying, “I’ve just got to make it through the meet and greet. And then we can get out of here, get away from all this, and talk about what happened this morning or anything else you need to talk about.”
But even as he said it, he knew he was the one who needed to talk. To confess. And to face up to all the things he’d been trying so damned hard to hide from for so long. For longer even than before his mother had become so sick.
“That sounds great.”
He should have let go of her hands then. Should have headed into the first meet-and-greet room where everyone was waiting for him. But just as he’d known would happen, he couldn’t bring himself to let go of her. “You don’t have to do this, Ash.”
She didn’t ask what he meant. Instead, she answered in a way that told him she didn’t need to. “You were there for me when I needed you. Now I want to be here for you.”
He wanted to ask what she meant—how had he ever been there for her? She was the one who had held him while he cried over his mother in the desert.
But before he could, James opened the door to the room full of fans, and the young girls inside saw him and started jumping up and down and calling out his name.