“No, there aren’t.”
He knew he should stop there. Should call it a night. Should turn and walk away and lock himself in his bedroom. Should put enough space between them that he could remember why he needed to make sure they never became anything more than friends.
But he couldn’t do it, couldn’t lie to her anymore the way he’d been lying to everyone else.
“They’re not totally wrong, Ash. Not about how much I want to kiss you.”
If she’d looked surprised by the realization that people thought they were together, now she looked as though someone had just told her the earth had been scientifically proven to be flat.
“Excuse me?”
It was the last response he would ever have expected. And yet, at the same time, it was exactly the right one. Because Ashley wasn’t like anyone else. And just because he’d told her he wanted to kiss her, didn’t mean she’d jump into his arms like all the women at his show tonight would have.
Instead, she’d do what he already understood was her way of dealing with everything she wanted to understand better—she’d try to dissect and analyze what was actually going on.
Only, he didn’t want to let her dissect anything at all when it came to them. He wanted her to feel it, to be as overwhelmed by it as he was already.
“I want to kiss you.” He knew he should be putting more space between them, rather than closing it by taking a step closer, but where Ashley was concerned, his rational brain was always a step behind. “I’ve wanted to kiss you from the first moment we met. And I’ve wanted to kiss you dozens of times in the past twenty-four hours. I know I’m probably totally freaking you out, and I swear I’m not trying to scare you away. I’m trying like hell to keep my promise to be a complete gentleman with you. I just can’t lie to you about what I’m feeling.”
She didn’t say anything for several long seconds until, finally, she said, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to lie. Not to me.”
“I can’t. I won’t.”
He watched a play of thoughts cross her face, thoughts that shifted from the surprise she’d initially felt, to processing, and then, finally, to a point where it seemed that she was warring with herself.
“I want to be honest with you, too, but I don’t...” She paused, licked her lips, and he had to shove his hands deep into his pockets to keep from reaching for her. “I don’t have much experience with this kind of thing.” Finally, she lifted her gaze to his and held it. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you, too.”
If she were any other woman, he would have been kissing her already. He would have known how sweet she tasted. Would have finally gotten to hear—and drink in—her sweet gasps of pleasure.
Instead, it nearly killed him to say, “But we can’t.”
At the exact same moment that she said, “But we can’t.”
Perhaps their words echoing off each other’s should have broken the tension between them, but it didn’t. Not even close. Not when they both obviously still wanted the kiss just as much.
“My father—”
“—would kill me if I so much as touched one hair on your head.”
“It’s not you,” she said, as if she needed him to know that it wasn’t personal. “It’s what you do. He doesn’t think this is a very stable business. And he thinks that—” Her face flushed, and she didn’t finish her sentence.
But he could easily finish it for her. “He thinks all musicians sleep around.”
When she nodded, he realized he already needed to face the first test of always honest. A first test he wasn’t particularly proud of.
“I wasn’t the worst,” he said slowly, “but I wasn’t the best either. Not at first.” Not when he’d been young and stupid enough to want to take advantage of the fact that there were no limits. That absolutely everything he wanted could be his without having to try for it. “But I didn’t act that way for long.” Not when waking up next to one stranger after another had come up empty so quickly. And not when his parents had raised him better than that. They’d clearly known that he was sowing some wild oats, and they’d never come down on him for it, but he’d known they hadn’t been thrilled.
“You don’t have to explain things to me.”