“When I was very young, my mother was attacked. I didn’t see it or understand it, but she crumbled and everything in our lives fell apart. My dad left long before I can remember and so it was all up to me to take care of my mother, the house, pretty much everything.” Liz explained.
“She wallowed in pity and became a shell of a person. What happened to her was wrong and horrible, I’m not trying to say differently. But she wasn’t able to overcome what happened, ever. She wasn’t my mother anymore. When I was younger I thought that maybe if the police caught her attacker, she would snap back to life.
But the years went by and it never happened. I decided to become a police officer because of that, because maybe if I could solve cases like hers and put criminals in jail then no one else would get stuck in that rut of sorrow like my mother did. But that’s what is so amazing about you, Kate. We have yet to catch your attacker and yet you are already standing tall.” Liz complimented Kate again as they continued driving north. Kate stared at her, her eyebrows raised, in both shock and intrigue. She fumbled for the best way to respond to the detective.
“That means a lot, Liz. Thank you. I don’t know if it’s really how I feel deep inside, but I am trying. Some mornings I think that if I just smile enough and pretend, then it will all just go away. Other days I think that it’s over so why let it keep upsetting me. But then there are those times where I remember that he is still out there somewhere and that that bastard took my entire life and altered it. I’ll never be the Kate I was before.” She told the detective, talking slowly.
Liz just nodded and kept driving. She didn’t have a response for that, she didn’t know how Kate really felt. She only caught glimpses from what her mother went through and what the victims she helped on a daily basis told her. She felt lucky that she didn’t have the first hand experience but she struggled with knowing that there was always going to be another criminal, another case, another victim. No matter how much good she did and how many hours she worked, evil would always be one step ahead.
“Maybe that’s a good thing.” Kate said, still thinking about her situation.
“What’s a good thing?” Liz asked, missing the connection to Kate’s statement.
“That I will never be that Kate again. That I’m new and changed. Maybe being broken down is the only way to build something fresh and wonderful.” Kate said, sighing wistfully as she thought about her path in life.
“What do you want to do with your future, Kate?” Liz said, picking up on the unrest in Kate’s voice.
“Not sell furniture forever. I definitely don’t want to do that. I have a degree in psychology and was thinking about going back to school for maybe a social work degree or masters in something psychology related. I don’t know, I’ve always been a bit lost, you know? That’s why maybe this new start, maybe there is something good that can come from it.” Kate wondered out loud.
“I, for one, think that you would make an excellent social worker or counselor, Kate. You definitely have that inner strength as well as that kindness that a job like that entails. It can also be very rewarding knowing that you are giving back to the world on a daily basis.” Liz encouraged Kate. Kate smiled at her, beginning to feel a bit more positive about her life. She liked talking to Liz, at first she had done everything to avoid the police. Then Liz had just been another face with a badge but over the many phone calls and interviews, Liz had become a friend. Kate had never had many female friends because she never clicked quite right with women. There was drama or unspoken protocols that she just didn’t seem to understand, constantly putting her foot in her mouth. Liz wasn’t like that though. She didn’t get bogged down in the trivial and she looked at the world with an unending optimism that no amount of failure or loss could pull down.
“Thanks for this, Liz.” Kate told her. Liz just smiled gently and kept watching the road as they were closing in on their destination. She didn’t need Kate’s thanks but it meant a lot to hear it anyways.
~~~~
“Thanks for agreeing to see us, Mrs. Connelly.” Liz smiled at the older woman as she accepted a cold glass of iced tea from her. Kate was seated on a small sofa with floral print facing an antique coffee table while Liz was seated in a rocking chair diagonally across from the sofa. Mrs. Connelly served Kate a glass as well and then sat on the sofa next to her.
“Call me Theresa, hun. I don’t get a lot of visitors anymore, it’s nice to have a reason to brew a good pot of fresh iced tea.” She smiled at the women and fiddled with a locket hanging around her neck, almost stroking it as if the movement comforted her.