“It’s not that,” she said irritably, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “And I’m sorry I was snooping, but I opened the wardrobe to put my things in there, and it was all just… and then I saw the box, and when I opened it… ” She groaned, leaning forward and burying her face in her hands. “God, I feel like I’m losing it. I can’t sleep, I can’t think straight – it’s all just… I don’t know.”
I latched onto the one thing she said that made any sense here.
“You can’t sleep?”
She sighed, her hands dropping back into her lap as she looked at me. “I can’t sleep. That’s why I get up early. I can’t seem to relax, I feel like I’m on edge all the time. When I had that migraine the other day, I managed to get about an hour’s sleep. I think that was the most I’ve had in days, maybe even weeks. I feel like I’m wading through sand.”
She got up off the couch and walked over to the French doors, staring out over the balcony. I was familiar with the feeling. For the first year after Em disappeared, it had been my new normal.
“Sleep deprivation,” I said. “I bet that’s what this is. It causes hallucinations and all sorts of other stuff. Maybe that’s what we’re dealing with here?”
I stood up and walked over to her, gently turning her around to face me. “You know how dangerous that is, right? They used to use it as a torture method. It makes you see things, makes you think you’re going mad.”
She looked up at me, hope in her eyes, wanting so desperately to believe me.
“We need to make sure you get some sleep. Maybe we need to get you to a doctor?”
She shuddered. “No doctors. I hate doctors.”
“Well, we can try some other stuff first. Relaxation techniques. I actually have sleeping pills somewhere.”
She frowned up at me. “Sleeping pills?”
God, that felt like forever ago. It was a shitty time, a time I wasn’t keen to rehash, so I gave her the condensed version instead. The version that didn’t make me sound like the complete basket-case I was back then.
“I was in a pretty bad way myself for a while there,” I shrugged, trying to keep it light. “A couple of years ago. It kinda snuck up on me. Vinnie took me to the docs, and she gave me some relaxation exercises, some anti-depressants and a few sleeping pills. I didn’t use them all, I still have some.”
She stared up at me, fear easing slightly, replaced by empathy. “Because of Emily?”
“Yeah. Amongst other things,” I said. “Look, the point is, I can help. I’ll teach you the relaxation methods I learnt then, and if that doesn’t work, we’ll try the sleeping pills. Just promise me that, if we try this stuff and it doesn’t work, you’ll let me take you to the doctors. Do we have a deal?”
She screwed up her face.
“Maia? Come on. Deal?”
She sighed. “Yeah. Okay.”
I smiled. “Good. See? We have a plan now. Plans are good.”
I drew her closer, rubbing her back gently. My heart rate was beginning to slow as the fear diminished. That sensible gene was worth its weight in gold, especially if it made her feel a little better.
“Thank you,” she mumbled into my shirt, her arms tight around my back.
I eased her away from me so that I could look into her eyes. For the first time, I began to see what she was talking about. She looked tired. Living in her car, travelling around the country, almost drowning, staying up late with me – it’s only natural she was feeling overwhelmed. She needed TLC, and lots of it. And I was going to give it to her, in spades.
“Ever since the day I met you, everything’s been different,” I said, unable to keep it inside any longer. “I’ve been treading water for so long, it felt normal. Now you’re here, and I feel like you saved me. I can breathe again. I can look forward, into the future, because I was too scared to do that before. We make sense, somehow. I don’t know how, but we do.”
I saw the light return to her eyes, to her face. “You saved me, too.”
My heart was a balloon, filled with all the love I had for her, the hope I had for us, and it was lifting my feet off the ground.
“I just want you, here, with me, and happy. And I’ll do whatever I can to make that happen.”
Her body relaxed beneath my hands, and I smiled. I smiled because I couldn’t help it. I smiled because she filled me with joy. I smiled because I loved her.
She smiled back, which was all the sign I needed. I leaned down and kissed her, softly, carefully. She tasted of salty whisky and I was suddenly hungry for more of it. As the kiss deepened, my phone trilled loudly. I groaned, pulling away from her.
“Bloody hell,” I fished it out of my pocket. “Talk about shitty timing.”
Bridget’s name stared at me from the screen. Now what? I glanced at my watch. It was a little after nine. It wasn’t like Bridget to phone this late unless it was urgent.
“It’s Bridget,” I said. “I should probably get this.”
Maia nodded, stepping away to give me some privacy as I swiped the screen.
“Hey,” I said. “What’s up?”
“I need you to come over, love – right now.”
Alarm bells went off inside my head. She sounded frightened, and there was yelling in the background.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Alex. He’s lost it. I’ve taken his car keys, but he won’t listen to me anymore – I’m scared of what he might do.”