chapter Fifteen
“I wish you had taken advantage of me,” Honey said.
It was ten minutes later, and she sat curled up on the couch next to Dex, snuggled up to him, his arm around her shoulders. They’d poured themselves a glass of wine, and she sipped hers now, a faint pink staining her cheeks at the obvious memory of the way she’d offered herself to him.
Dex smiled and kissed her hair. “We’ve waited this long. We might as well wait a few days more.” He tucked the hand holding his glass under her chin, lifted her head and kissed her lips. She returned the kiss before resting her cheek back on his shoulder, but he could see she was embarrassed that he’d turned her down.
Yet another reason to feel guilty. Why the hell hadn’t he just whisked her off to the bedroom? It was difficult to explain how he felt. He’d ached for release and when she’d started to unbutton his pants he’d so nearly given in and let her, but something in him—the part that curled up like a poked spider every time he thought about how he’d kissed Cathryn—didn’t want to sully the clean relationship he had with Honey by letting their first sexual experience be a quickie born out of guilt. Although several of his friends had mocked him for waiting and would have laughed at the thought that he’d turned down free sex, he didn’t care. Honey was going to be his wife, and although hopefully they’d get up to a hundred different things in the bedroom once they were wed, for now he wanted to wait until his wedding night. He wanted it to be right.
He leaned his head on the back of the sofa and sank into the cushions, trying to relax. He’d been terrified about seeing Honey again, wondering if she’d heard what had happened, and if she hadn’t, whether he’d feel the compulsion to blurt it out. Even though he’d promised Cam he wouldn’t say anything, in the end he’d told himself that he should call off the wedding—it was only fair to her because she deserved so much more than him. But when it came to it, he couldn’t get the words out. She’d stood there in the kitchen, the evening sunlight turning her hair golden, her skin glowing, looking at him the way that only she did—with her big brown eyes full of admiration and hope, as if he was a hero. Dex wanted to be someone’s hero.
He was tired of thinking about it and just wanted to put it all behind him. He kissed Honey’s hair again, his body aching for release. Only three more days, he thought desperately. Surely he could wait that long?
“Tell me about the courtroom,” he said to take his mind off sex for a moment. “How did it go today?”
She shrugged without looking up. “We’ve finished hearing the testimonies. Tomorrow we have to make our decision.”
“Cut and dried or is it a difficult one?”
She glanced up then and bit her lip. “I’m not supposed to talk about it.”
He smiled. “I know. But you look worried. I promise not to give my opinion, if you want to get something off your chest.”
She looked into her wine glass. “It’s about a woman who’s been abused by her partner.”
His heart sank for her. “Oh, sweetheart…”
“I know. Of all things. He’s just horrible, Dex. He’s sitting there watching her the whole time with a smug, superior look on his face, because he’s so certain we’re going to find him the innocent party.”
“Do you think you will?”
“I think she meant to cause him harm when he came into her house. But I don’t know that I can find her guilty.”
He studied her face. He should tell her that she shouldn’t bring her own experiences into the courtroom—that she should make a judgement based on the facts alone. Of course she would sympathise with the woman, but she shouldn’t find the defendant innocent just because she felt sorry for her. But the judge would have already told her that. What was the point in irritating her by telling her what she already knew?
He studied her face, her intelligent eyes bright with an unusual fervour. She painted herself so often in the role of victim where Ian Mc-F*cking-Idiot was concerned that Dex realised he’d fallen into the trap of thinking of her that way. But she wasn’t a victim, and she wasn’t stupid. She had a heart as big as an ocean and just as deep, but even though she’d been abused and it had taken a while for her to escape Ian’s claws, she’d had the courage to walk out of the relationship and start a new life for herself. She wasn’t weak and this wasn’t the Palaeolithic period where he could cart her off to his cave by her hair. She wasn’t going to stay with him just because he loved her. He’d do best to remember that.
The front door clicked and then Cam appeared in the doorway, looking across at them with surprise. “Hey, you two.” He placed his jacket over the dining chair. “I thought you’d be out walking, sorry.”
Good job they hadn’t gone to bed, Dex thought with relief. His heart thundered at the memory of his conversation with Cam earlier that day, but he forced his mouth into a smile.
“It’s okay, Dad. We’re just talking,” Honey said, casting an amused glance up at her fiancé.
“There’s a bottle of pinot gris open in the fridge if you’d like some,” Dex said.
“Don’t mind if I do.” Cam went and poured a glass, brought it back and sat heavily in the chair opposite them. “Phew. What a day.”
“Have you missed me?” Honey asked.
“Of course.” Cam took a large mouthful of wine and gave a long, approving sigh. “Missy’s not keen on the pastries but she has a go. She does well, but they don’t have your fine touch.” He winked at his daughter. His eyes met Dex’s momentarily, and Dex had to force himself not to drop his gaze but to meet Cam’s openly, to show him everything was fine.
“Has Aroha been helping out?” Honey asked innocently.
Cam gave her a wry look. “Don’t start.”
Honey smiled. “Just wondered.”
Cam knocked back another mouthful, slipped down a little in the chair and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m not looking to marry again.”
“You don’t have to marry her, Dad,” Honey berated him. “Wouldn’t it be nice to have some company? To go to the cinema and stuff?”
“I can go to the cinema with you guys.”
“Yeah,” Honey said, “’cause that’s completely the same thing.”
He raised his head and gave her an exasperated look. “Why does everyone keep feeling the need to push me into dating again?”
“We’re not trying to push you, sir,” Dex said, seeing the way Cam clutched his glass, the frown lines on his forehead. “Of course it’s your own business.”
“No, it’s not,” Honey said. “You know when you have kids you don’t have private moments ever again.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
They all laughed.
Cam looked across the living room to the large windows that gave a beautiful view of the large lawn and the Waitangi Forest beyond, and Dex followed his gaze. The setting sun stained the grass with orange and reflected off the river as it tumbled over the rocks.
“She is nice,” Cam said absently. “And that’s kind of why I don’t want to get involved, you know? She deserves a man who can give her a hundred percent of everything—attention, love, passion… And I don’t have that anymore. If we dated, she’d only be getting half a man. They buried part of me with your mother, Honey, and it wouldn’t be fair to Aroha to pretend otherwise.” He stopped talking and took a mouthful of his wine, ostensibly, Dex thought, to cover his emotion.
Honey’s arm tightened around him. He pressed a kiss on her hair. Cam and Marama had been married for thirty years. From what Honey had told him, they had met young and theirs had been a fiery but wholly committed relationship, with no talk of either of them ever being interested in anyone else. After being with someone that long, of course it would feel strange being suddenly alone. No wonder Cam couldn’t bear the thought of dating again.
Dex’s lips lingered on Honey’s hair as he inhaled the coconut scent she used. Would the two of them still be together in thirty years’ time? Married, making love, arguing and making love again, happy and content with half a dozen kids and a dozen grandkids?
He’d risked that golden future for one brief, forbidden kiss, and it sickened him. How could he have done that? How would he have felt if he’d have walked in tonight and Honey had been standing there, phone in hand, staring at him with hurt and betrayal and—God forbid—hatred on her face?
He closed his eyes momentarily to shut out the image. When he opened them, Cam was watching him. The older man didn’t smile, his handsome face serious and his eyes dark in the fading light. Dex wondered how much Honey had told her father about his past. Cam had never discussed it with him, until today. Even when he’d gone in to ask for her hand in marriage, Cam hadn’t given him a lecture about his behaviour or even a talk about how he had to treat Honey well or else.
All he had done was look Dex in the eye and say to him, “Do you love her?”
Dex had replied, with all sincerity, “More than anything, sir,” and at that Cam had nodded and they’d shaken hands to seal the deal. But did Cam now feel as if he’d gone too far for Dex? Panic enveloped him and he blinked, unable to tear his gaze away from Cam’s steady stare.
And then Cam smiled. “Don’t look so scared, Dex. I know the wedding’s only three days away, but if you carry on like this, you’ll pass out on the day.”
Honey looked up at him, and the concern that had flickered in her eyes when he’d first turned up reappeared in her green gaze.
“I’m okay,” he said. “Nervous that it’s still so far away. That I might lose her in the meantime.” That, at least, was the truth.
Cam raised an eyebrow. “That won’t end on Saturday, son. A wedding ain’t superglue. Only love and treating each other well is what’ll keep you together.”
“Says the man who once smashed half a dozen of my mother’s favourite cat ornaments in a fit of pique,” Honey said.
Cam had the grace to look embarrassed. “She broke my guitar.”
“What are you, twelve?”
“You’ll understand when you get there,” Cam said wryly. He pushed himself to his feet. “I’m going to watch a movie in the bedroom. Have a nice evening you two.”
“Night, Dad.” They watched him go, looking at each other and laughing as he disappeared, mumbling under his breath.
“Do you think we’ll still be together in thirty years?” Honey asked, snuggling up to Dex.
A wedding ain’t superglue. The words rang in Dex’s head, but he pushed them away, lifted her chin and kissed her. “Forever and ever, amen,” he murmured, meaning it, hoping beyond hope that it was true.