“You did the other night,” she reminded me.
I nodded and turned away from her with the intent of just getting out of there before it became something I couldn’t handle. Again.
“Bastian, there is nothing wrong with crying.”
I laughed but didn’t find anything particularly funny.
“Yeah, as a fighter, crying in the arena was definitely highly regarded.”
“Stop that,” Raine said, her tone a little harsh. I looked back to her and narrowed my eyes, but she threw it right back at me. “There’s no one here for you to impress but me. I’m not impressed by your brawn or your macho ideals.”
Raine placed the palms of her hands on either side of my face and turned my head to look into her eyes. I was overwhelmed by whatever I saw there – I still didn’t know what it was, I only knew I needed it.
“Didn’t I just show you what a dick I am a little earlier?” I asked her. “I scared you because I wanted to try to see you naked. I’m an asshole, and I don’t even know why you let me touch you.”
“You aren’t,” Raine said. I started to correct her, but she actually placed her hand over my lips. “I’ve been sleeping next to you for almost three weeks, Bastian. Do you know you talk in your sleep?”
“I…what?” Holy shit. I had no idea I did that.
“You talk in your sleep, and I know how often you have nightmares. I’ve heard you talk about some of the things that have happened to you.”
“They’re just dreams,” I said quietly through her hand over my mouth. “They don’t mean anything.”
“I’ve seen you, Bastian.” Raine’s voice was low, soft, and unmistakably confident. “I’ve seen you. Not who you pretend to be, not who you try to hide behind, not the drunken whore who uses booze and women to try to forget everything in his life. I’ve seen the real you. Please, Bastian. Please don’t hide him from me anymore.”
“I don’t know how else to be,” I said. “If I could be…something…someone else…for you, I’d do it.”
“I know you would,” she said, and her lips covered mine again as my hands found her hips and pulled her closer to me. I didn’t know if she was right, and I didn’t know if there was a difference between who she thought she saw and who I really was. I didn’t know if I could be different than I had always been, but right now she wanted me, and whoever I might have been before didn’t matter.
“I want to be,” I mumbled against her mouth, the words just spilling out without any real, conscious thought behind them. “I want to be…for you…”
“I know,” she murmured back.
I wrapped my arms around her back and pushed myself up, so I was on my knees in front of her, just as she was on her knees facing me. I pulled our torsos together, feeling the warmth of her bare skin against my chest. My hands moved around to her sides and then slowly traveled upwards until I was cupping both of her breasts in my hands.
Raine’s hands tangled in my hair, crushing my mouth to hers. This time, when I felt her palm against my stomach, I didn’t try to stop her. Her fingers loosened my belt and then pulled it easily from the loops of the shorts. There was a little tug at the buttons and then I felt the fabric loosen around my waist.
I hissed when her fingers dipped into the hem of my shorts and stroked over me. I heard her sharp intake of breath and watched her eyes get wide when she ran her fingers all the way from tip to base and then tried to wrap her hand around me. Her fingers didn’t meet on the other side, and when she looked up to me with those big brown eyes, I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow and give her a crooked, cocky smile.
“Oh my…um….wow, Bastian.” Raine took a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t know if that’s going to…um…fit.”
I smirked and gave her a little shrug.
“Only one way to find out,” I said matter-of-factly. I didn’t want to tell her that there had been several women too small for me to get completely inside of them. She already looked a little on edge, and worrying about it wasn’t going to change anything about our respective anatomies. “Raine…you don’t have to...”