“What the fuck are you guffawing at?” I growled.
“The irony!” Raine said with another laugh. She held her sides and bent at the waist. Once she managed to upright herself and wipe the tears from her eyes, she explained. “Do you realize your addiction to smoking probably saved your life?”
I smirked. Yeah, she had a point. That shit was pretty funny.
Leaning on the walking stick, I pushed myself up and let Raine lead the way back to the shelter. Once the sun went down, we pretty much dropped off. We might talk for a bit, but it was too dark to do anything except fuck, and as much as I wanted it, certain parts of my body didn’t want to hold me in that position very long. I could let her be on top again, but the last two times we had sex it had been all about me. I wanted the next time to make up for it, which meant I needed my fucking right leg not to give out on me.
I waited until Raine lay down before I joined her, so once she was in whatever position she wanted to be in, I could basically crawl on top of her to sleep. It didn’t always drive the nightmares away completely, but it sure as fuck helped. She didn’t question it, and I was glad for that. She seemed to understand even though we hadn’t really talked about it or anything. After having the same fucking nightmare three times in a row, I lay myself on top of her the next night, and she didn’t complain. It worked, or at least I didn’t have the dream about her. The other dreams were still there, but I was used to having those all the time.
Raine lay on her side and looked up at me as I lay down next to her. She raised her head a little so I could wrap one arm underneath her and the other on top of her. I felt her forehead on my shoulder, and I tilted my head to press my lips against her cheek. I rolled a little and crossed my leg over the top of both of hers, effectively immobilizing her and making damn sure there was no way she was getting out from under me without me knowing about it.
Safe.
After we had both shifted a little to try and get more comfortable, I tilted my head to look down at her again. Her dark eyes stared up at me and made my heart start beating faster.
“We’re even now,” I told her. I traced my thumb over her cheekbone.
“What do you mean?”
“You saved my life,” I said with a shrug. “We’re even.”
“Hardly,” Raine snorted. “You told me what to do. I just crushed up some flowers. I don’t think that really compares. Even if it did, we still wouldn’t be even.”
“Why’s that?”
“You saved me from drowning, then from dehydration, then from those…thugs. I only saved you once.”
“You’re wrong,” I said with conviction. “You also saved me when I was going through detox.”
“You might have been fine without me there, too,” Raine insisted. “Even if we count that, it would still make the score three to two.”
I reached down and grasped her hand in mine before bringing it up and holding her fingers splayed out against the left side of my chest, right up against my heart. I could feel it beating through my chest, so I knew she could, too.
“You saved me in another way.” I looked into her eyes, wanting her to understand what I meant so much. “You gave me something…no, someone…to live for. There was no reason for my existence before you. We’re definitely even.”
Raine continued to stare right back at me before she broke out in a smile and nodded slightly. She pulled her hand out from under mine and reached up to run her fingers over my cheek and into my hair where she knew I liked it best.
“All right,” she finally agreed. “We’re even.”
As far as I was concerned, what she had done for me outweighed any of the shit I had done for her. When I thought about why I pulled her out of the water in the first place…well, I didn’t really know why. Maybe it was because she was there or because I didn’t have anything better to do at the time. It could have been because I was the captain and she was a passenger, and I felt some kind of fucking duty. Maybe I didn’t know what else to do. I certainly didn’t save her from dehydration – the fucking rain did that. Maybe this last time was different. I felt my muscles tighten for a moment, but her hand in my hair kept me from getting too worked up. It’s not like I thought about it – I just reacted. They had to die, plain and simple. What she had done for me…it meant more.