Submit and Surrender

chapter 28


He was relentless.

It was difficult to keep her thoughts straight in the face of this constant barrage of…she didn’t even know what to call it. It was like every two minutes he did something to remind her how hopelessly in love she was.

It was dirty, dirty pool.

She had already been feeling slightly foolish, just because she always felt foolish when she made people worry, and because she really shouldn’t have gotten out of her car. But mostly she’d been feeling foolish with Ford. Every time Adra thought back to that horrible, horrible phone call, she winced from embarrassment, because holy God was the whole thing dramatic and kind of…she didn’t know what. Adolescent, maybe? She thought of the words that had actually come out of her mouth, and she cringed.

And yet she still felt that way. Maybe a little less. Ok, definitely less, now that she wasn’t sitting in Nicole’s guest room, with the wreckage of her brother’s screw-ups right in front of her. But she’d lived with this feeling of dread for so long, with the idea that she simply would not be able to have love as an inviolable truth, that she couldn’t just…shed it, all at once, just because Ford told her to. Especially when she wasn’t convinced.

Right?

So yes, she was confused, and disoriented, and every time she thought she’d regained her balance, he’d turn around and do something else.

Royalty didn’t get treated like this. And she never knew whether to be happy or guilty, to be joyful that she had this man in her life, or scared that she’d mess it up. She could feel herself getting pulled in different directions, and wondered when she’d reach the point of maximal tension, and just…pop.

So most of the time, she gave up, and just tried to heal. Anyway, that kind of explained why she’d forgotten about Ford’s promise to “prove” that she was wrong.

Until he got that look.

“I’ve got something different today,” Ford said.

“Good, I think?” Adra said. “Not that lying around watching movies isn’t great, but I think I might be starting to actually meld into the cushions.”

“How’s it feel when you walk?”

It had only been a few days, but whatever Ford was doing was working.

“Ok, for a little while. Miles better than yesterday. I bet by next week it’ll just be achy ribs.”

“Think you can handle some crazy kids?” he asked, the picture of innocence.

Then he grinned.

“You didn’t,” Adra said.

“You have visitors,” Ford said, checking his phone. “They’re pulling up now.” He looked up to see her face. “Don’t move from where you are, either, because I bet you’re about to get tackled.”

She had no time at all to prepare.

All of a sudden Ford’s house was overrun by three small boys, all of them yelling and running toward their aunt with gory enthusiasm.

“We heard you got hit by a car!”

“Did you break any bones?”

“Can we see the scars?”

Ford scooped up the smallest boy, Aaron, as he was about to climb into Adra’s lap—and probably bang on those ribs—and threw him lightly into the air.

“Careful, she’s not all healed up yet,” Ford said.

And then came Nicole.

If Adra felt sheepish for her own dramatic emotional outburst, she had nothing on Nicole. It was weird, but seeing that expression on Nicole’s face, Adra saw how out of place it was. Nicole had every reason to be upset, to freak out, and here she was, looking concerned instead.

Adra felt just a little bit more foolish.

“I’ll take ‘em outside,” Ford said, looking between the two women. “You guys want to see the pool?”

And the gang of little boy-shaped tornadoes headed outside with Ford in tow, leaving Adra alone with her sister-in-law.

Carefully, Nicole sat down next to Adra.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

If she were in a cartoon, Adra’s head would have spun around a bunch of times before her eyeballs popped out of her head. “Me?” she said. “How are you feeling?”

Nicole considered this. “Like I haven’t been hit by a car.”


“Har, har,” Adra said. “You guys know I’m miraculously ok. Otherwise you would have broken down my door ages ago.”

Nicole smiled. “Ford called pretty much immediately and gave us the scoop.”

“How did he even get your number?”

“He seems like a resourceful guy. And determined. Very determined.”

“He is that,” Adra said. She looked up at Nicole and steeled herself. “How are you, really? Is Charlie…?”

Nicole shook her head.

“I’m sad, I guess. I’m in crisis mode, though, so I don’t really have time for sad yet. I’m taking care of my kids. But Adra, this wasn’t…look. This is bad—I’m not going to lie to you. I would like my husband back. I would like him to sort through whatever the hell it is he needs to sort through so he can go back to living his life. But this isn’t the first time we’ve had problems, and I’ve had a long time to prepare for…I don’t know. Am I prepared? Can you be prepared for this? That sounds crazy, now that I say it out loud,” Nicole said, shaking her head.

“It does and it doesn’t,” Adra said.

“I’ll take crazy if it makes it easier,” Nicole said, smiling. “You know what I think it is? He almost did this enough times that I thought about it a lot. I got used to the possibility. And so now I know that it won’t break us. I mean, it will be harder than I can really think about, and eventually I’ll have to deal with a broken heart, and…but it won’t break us.”

Adra started to cry. Damn it, she was the one crying.

“I know…” Nicole hesitated, then took Adra’s hand and squeezed it fiercely. “I know with your mom it was different. Charlie told me what used to happen when your dad would leave, with the drinking, and… And I just want you to know that that isn’t us. Ok? It will be hard, and I want him back, but even if…”

Nicole took a deep breath, not quite ready to say it. Then she went on, “We’re still a family. I’m not broken; the boys won’t be broken. We’re still here. You’re still our family.”

“Why are you the one comforting me?” Adra asked.

“Because I’ve never done it before, and I thought you could use it,” Nicole said. “You’re always there for us, Adra. It’s nice to return the favor.”

“Shit,” Adra said and put a hand to her side.

“You ok?”

“It hurts to cry,” Adra said, laughing in frustration through tears. “Oh God, that might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever said. ‘Pain hurts.’”

“Water’s wet,” Nicole smiled. “Film at eleven.”

“Stop it,” Adra said. “It hurts to laugh, too.”

“Basically you aren’t allowed to feel?”

“That would be preferable.”

Nicole snorted, and looked out at Ford, who currently had three kids climbing him like he was a jungle gym.

“Yeah, good luck with that,” Nicole said.

“Nicole,” Adra said suddenly. “Thank you.”

Adra didn’t know what this would do. She didn’t know if it changed any of the things she felt about herself, or about her future, but she knew it did one thing: it helped to quell that aching dread she felt whenever she thought about Charlie. She still had Charlie to worry about, and she always would, but that tightly coiled, poisoned core of dread that she carried around because she was always worried that Nicole and the boys would have to go through what she and Charlie went through…

It began to unfurl, and it began to let her go.

Adra felt like she could breathe for the first time in months. Even with the ribs.

“Thank you,” she said again.

“Stop thanking me,” Nicole said. “This is just what family does. So stop that.”

“You guys are ok? I mean, are your parents still there? And what about money? Are you—”

“No, you don’t get to worry about us until you’re all healed up,” Nicole said, shaking her head. “Besides, we’re taken care of.”

Adra gave her a suspicious look, but Nicole just smiled.

“My parents are sticking around, so I’m not trying to parent the horde solo, and yeah, that’s all you’re getting out of me for now,” Nicole said, standing up. “And now we have a surprise scheduled for the boys, so I gotta get going.”

“A surprise? For the boys? Spill.”

“Actually I think it might be more for me, since the boys are a little young,” Nicole said, her eyes glinting. “But Ford said he could get the guys from Savage Heart to give us a tour of Los Angeles while we’re here, and I jumped all over that, I gotta tell you.”

“They are sweethearts,” Adra said. “Just ignore the whole rock star thing.”

“Who said I wanted to ignore it? I’m having a crappy week. If I get a chance to stare at some rock star eye candy while my boys get to play guitar for the ten minutes before they get bored, I will freaking take it,” Nicole said and went to go collect her kids.

Adra couldn’t help but watch as she did so. She couldn’t help but watch Ford with them, either. He was good with kids. Like legitimately good. Easy. And Adra knew Ford probably had some hand in helping Nicole out, but there was no way she was going to get answers any time soon.

He’d made his point, bringing Nicole here. And Adra had to thank him for it, because seeing Nicole and the boys, seeing that they were hurt but not down for the count—yeah, it helped. It did more than help. It felt like a black hole had been surgically removed from her chest. She hadn’t realized how much that fear had been weighing her down until it was suddenly…gone.

Adra felt loopy enough to laugh to herself, and this time she didn’t have any painkillers to blame.

“How you feeling?” Ford asked as he strode back into the room.

Goddamn, that man in low-slung jeans and an undershirt was sexier than…

Not a helpful thought, Adra.

“Better,” Adra conceded. She eyed Ford somewhat suspiciously as he walked toward her. “But that was your point, right?”

Ford shook his head as he stood over her. “I haven’t made my point yet,” he said.

She stared at him for a split second too long. She couldn’t help it. She was human, and he was standing there with those muscles bulging out of his crossed arms, his blue eyes shining down, his jaw just…

Damn.

“Don’t leave me hanging, then,” Adra said. “What’s your point?”

He grinned at her.

Then he bent down with his arms leaning on either side of her, making great big depressions in the soft couch, pinning her exactly where she was. He let his eyes trail over her slowly, lazily, until he finally locked her eyes with his.

And he looked serious.

“Yeah, Nicole and the boys will be ok,” he said. “And that’s not nothing. But you know who was there for them? You. At the drop of a f*cking hat, you showed up. You have never run out on anyone, Adra. That’s what you do. You show up.”

She was speechless.

She’d never thought of it that way. She didn’t know what to think, much less what to say.

Adra tugged at the thin cotton material at his chest, unable to help herself, her breathing coming in short, ragged gasps. As the pain receded her body had woken up, and being anywhere near Ford was just…

Still, something in her mind forced her awake.

“I’ve never run out on anyone but you,” she said.

Ford laughed. “Nah, you came back. And we’re working on that. Besides, the spanking I’m gonna give you once you’re healed up will make sure you won’t forget it.”

Adra sighed deeply, a warm ache spreading between her legs. This would be frustrating.

“This doesn’t—”

“Quiet,” he said. “No more heavy stuff. I’m putting a quota on that for each day.”

“Each day?”

He only smiled.

***

The next day brought more heavy stuff, only this time it wasn’t so much “heavy” as it was “profoundly embarrassing.”

In fact, Adra didn’t realize she would ever be uncomfortable with people telling her how wonderful she was. In theory, that actually sounded like an awesome way to spend an afternoon. Or at least now it did. When she was younger, Adra had realized that she had a problem accepting compliments, and so she’d worked on it until she could accept them without becoming a big ball of embarrassment, because in the cutthroat entertainment industry it had seemed like a necessity. Plus, the older and more sure of herself she got, the more she realized that sometimes she just deserved a freaking compliment.

But apparently an all day procession of people singing her praises still had the power to make her blush. Who knew?

“Ford, this is ridiculous,” she said.

She was sitting in his living room again, legs up on the chaise lounge, almost entirely physically comfortable, so long as she didn’t move much. That alone was an accomplishment. She was healing at basically a superhero pace, for which she credited Ford.

Of course she was feeling incredibly awkward. Ford was enjoying it way too much, lounging back in his own chair, getting up only to let in the next friend or acquaintance to tell Adra how awesome she was.


She moved to get up and Ford acted quickly.

“Sit down,” he ordered. “I have the rest scheduled in fifteen-minute blocks.”

Adra stared at him. “You’re kidding.”

“Am I?” Ford grinned.

“No, I mean it,” she said. “This is like…this is weird. This is straight up weird. I mean, are there cameras? Is this a reality show? I have no idea how I’m supposed to react.”

“I said sit down and I meant it.”

“You know what, you only think you’re getting away with this because I am essentially your captive,” Adra said. “But the joke’s on you, because I can totally walk now.”

“If you were my captive, you’d know it,” Ford said. “Don’t make me tie you down.”

Adra froze and stared at the man in front of her. Every word of that sentence had sent a small, singing shiver down her spine, and every word had reminded her that it had been far too long since they’d done a scene. If that was even something they were still supposed to do, which it wasn’t, technically. She just kept telling herself that she was doing the right thing, even if it was starting to sound like nonsense, and even if she couldn’t always stop herself from flirting back at him.

God, she was tired of thinking. Especially when she wanted him so badly.

“You know I’ll do it,” he said casually. “I will bind you and then make you suffer through every goddamn person I can find who has something nice to say about you, and I will dare you to safeword out. And if you give me any more lip, I’ll make sure that bondage comes with something that vibrates.”

Adra managed to speak on her second try.

“Oh my God, you would, wouldn’t you?” she said.

Ford looked her over and smiled. “And you wouldn’t be able to tell me no. What’s that like, to know I can get you to do anything I want?”

Holy f*ck, that’s hot.

It was incredible—that’s what it was like. Adra licked her lips.

“It’s not so bad, most of the time,” she said. She could barely breathe, and not just because of her ribs.

Ford checked his watch, and then looked back at Adra with a curious expression.

“You can usually take a compliment,” he said finally. “Why’s this different?”

Adra was having trouble thinking about anything other than being bound with something that vibrated, but she knew if she didn’t pay attention she’d soon have occasion to think about that a whole lot more, only in front of a bunch of people she knew.

“Um, I don’t… It’s not the same,” she said, trying not to stare at his mouth. “This is just…it’s a freaking parade. No one is used to this much attention. And I feel…I don’t know, naked, in a way. And I’m not a saint, Ford, I haven’t saved a life or anything. I just like to help out my friends.”

“I’m calling bullshit,” he said, leaning back. “It’s the cognitive dissonance. It’s all these people telling you how you helped them find love or took care of them or whatever. All stuff you don’t think you get to have. Either they’re all wrong, or you’re wrong, and it’s making your brain explode. See how that works?”

“Can we stop before my brain actually explodes?”

Ford laughed. “And deny your friends the opportunity to make you blush? Hell no,” he said. “Besides, Declan and Molly want to thank you for bugging them until they got together, and Soren and Cate, too. And Chance and Lena called from the new Volare location and sent their love. Now stop complaining, or I’m adding a bunch of strokes to that spanking.”

Adra’s mind dallied for a bit on that promised spanking before she caught that promising piece of information.

“They found a new location?”

Ford nodded. “New Orleans.” He looked up again. “They’ll be here in five minutes, sweetheart, settle down.”

That was when Adra started to giggle. She was arguing with a man she loved who was trying to convince her that she was…what? Better? Deserving? And she was fighting him. It made her laugh, because it was stupid, and it made her want to cry, because…well, because. Because she couldn’t just be different and get over it, not just yet. And it made her love him all the more.

“I’m sorry I’m like this,” she said finally. “I wish I wasn’t. I wish—”

“Shut up,” he said gently. “You’re perfect. Exactly as you are.”

And so it went.

All the friends she’d helped set up at Club Volare over the years stopped by to thoroughly embarrass her, and after a while the barrage had a cumulative effect. As frustrating as Ford was, he was good. He had a point.

Her brain was exploding in little increments. And the only thing to survive all those tiny little explosions was how she felt about Ford.

Sleeping was going to be difficult, and not for the usual rib-related reasons.

They’d gotten a sort of system down. Adra would lie on her unaffected side with a flat pillow under her to even her out, Ford’s arm underneath her, and his leg between hers, and he’d hold her as gently as possible, usually with his hand on her hip. It was very careful spooning. It actually wasn’t the most comfortable position possible for her ribs, but it was for the rest of her, because lying flat on her back without Ford would have made it impossible to sleep at all.

This time, though, it was tough. Maybe it was the fact that her body was healing, or maybe she’d just learned to ignore the dull ache from her injuries, or maybe it was just…time. But Adra lay there, with Ford all around her, feeling him at her back, his leg between her legs, and oh God did she want him to move that leg. Or that hand. Or anything, really.

It would be so easy for him to take her like this.

She tried to just close her eyes and block it out, but it was no use. It wasn’t just his physical presence, and it wasn’t just that they hadn’t had sex since before her accident. She craved closeness with him, too. She just wanted to be with him.

He’d won.

Adra opened her eyes and stared out into the dark, Ford’s body wrapped delicately around her own while her heart hammered in her chest. It really came to her, just like that: he’d won.

That was kind of misnomer, though. They’d both won. She just…it didn’t mean she wasn’t still scared, because she was, and it didn’t mean everything was perfect now, because it wasn’t. But it was inevitable. In that moment, she recognized that it was inevitable. She’d been like one of those lunatics raving against the weather, thinking she could fight it. Thinking she could fight herself.

Ford had known.

He kept saying that she was the one who showed up when things got tough, that she was the one who was there. He deserved to have her show up to this, too. Only she wasn’t sure how.

But she was sure of how she felt. And she was sure of what she wanted.

Carefully, wincing only slightly, she moved her arm until her hand rested on his, on top of her hip. She laced her fingers with his and felt him shift, even that little movement giving her a slight thrill, a slight pull toward that inevitability. She sighed, the sound loud in the darkness, and pulled his hand to her belly.

She felt him move, and this time it was because he’d begun to harden.

“Adra,” he said, his voice muffled in her hair.

“Please,” she said. Her voice was hoarse.

His hand expanded, the fingers spreading over the sensitive skin just above her sex, and she inhaled sharply.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said roughly.

Adra breathed heavily for a few seconds, in time with the pulsing pressure he’d started between her legs.

“It hurts every second you’re not touching me,” she said.

His fingers dug into her, and she moaned. She reached behind her, even though it forced her to twist, even though it hurt, just so she could grab him. Just so she could feel the full, heavy weight of his hardness in her hand.

There was a pause.

And then there was a rustling sound, her panties were being pulled to the side, and then he was pushing against her, his already big cock feeling even bigger with her legs in this position. She groaned as he pushed inside her, her fingers twisting in the sheets as her body stretched to accept him.

She was panting. Already, she was panting. It hurt, but she needed it so badly.

“Please,” she said.

His hand moved down her stomach and slid inside her underwear until his fingers found her *, one on either side of the sensitive bud. And then he began to move.

Barely, at first, just rocking inside her, but after so long, and with his hand moving in time, it was enough to push her to the edge. Just the fullness of him inside her felt like coming home, felt like right, and made her want to scream.

Soon she was screaming.

Oh God, did she scream. Her first orgasm came quickly and tore through her with unexpected ferocity, the pain blossoming with pleasure as her body tensed up and pulled on her injured ribs. It hurt, but it was wonderful at the same time, and she tried to twist her neck back, her hand grasping for his face as he leaned over, just needing to kiss him, to see him…

“I do love you,” she said as he kissed her breathless. “I love you so much, I do…”


***

The next morning Adra woke up feeling…

Well, two things: sore, and certain.

Her ribs were pretty pissed off about her decision to have sex, but she could live with that. She was happy to live with that. It had been totally worth it.

And the rest of her knew that the rest of her life had started last night.

It was actually an incredibly calming, blissful feeling. She watched Ford get up, shower, and get dressed in this kind of haze of happiness. She was done fighting. She was still scared, and it might take a while for her to get over some of her hang ups, and some of them might never go away, but this man…

This man deserved everything she could give, and apparently he wouldn’t accept any thing else. Apparently he believed in her. He believed in her so much that she’d started to believe in herself.

And dammit, she was going to tell him that.

Somehow.

The thing was, he’d basically dazzled her in the time she’d spent recovering with him. Like, truly dazzled. Maybe it was her competitive instinct, but Adra wanted to dazzle him back. It was just that Ford had such a head start on her.

She smiled, watching him. He had no idea.

“What are you smiling about?” he said, toothbrush in hand.

“Nothing,” she said. She kept smiling.

“How are you feeling after last night?” Concern flashed across his face.

“If I told you I was sore, would that mean you wouldn’t do it again?” she asked.

Ford frowned, and got that you’ll-be-disciplined look. Adra wanted to see that more often.

“Are you sore?” he demanded. “Did it re-injure you?”

“It’s a good kind of sore,” she promised. “You’re gonna crack a joke about making me sore, aren’t you?”

Ford grinned. “I was thinking about it.”

Adra could feel the weight of what she wanted to do, of what she wanted to say, bear down on her. How did he make it look so easy? Sweeping her off her feet the way he always did?

She took a deep breath.

“Ford…”

“Hold on,” Ford said. “You’ve gotta get dressed.”

She was embarrassingly relieved for the distraction.

“What for?”

“Company.”

“Ford! Again? Seriously?”

“Move it or meet them in that get up,” Ford said, eying her up and down again. “Which means you better move it, because I don’t want anyone else looking at those legs.”

They held each other’s gaze, and Adra thought back to the times he’d told her that they belonged to each other. He’d been right, every single time.

And this time he was giving her space.

She had to take advantage of that.

“Yes, sir,” she said, and resolved to figure out how to tell him she would be his forever.

Turns out it was actually harder than she thought. By the time Ford had some omelets whipped up and the front door bell rang, she had approximately nothing. Zilch. No words. Being romantic was hard.

“Damn it,” she muttered.

“I got it!” Ford shouted.

“Ford,” she said, walking into the living room in her bare feet and her comfortable jeans, “is there really—“

She stopped short. There was a man in the living room.

“You are not Ford,” she said.

No, but he could be an alternate reality version of Ford. One with dark hair, so dark it had those almost blue highlights, and a five o’clock shadow at ten in the morning, and a general rakish kind of attitude, like he was always looking for some kind of angle. Other than that, he was the spitting image of Ford.

“Close,” the man said. Then he grinned. “Gavin Colson.”

“Colson?” Adra said, somewhat stupidly. “You’re his—”

“Brother, yes, ma’am,” Gavin said. “You must be Adra.”

“Ford,” Adra said absently. “Your brother is here.”

Then she realized that Ford had been the one to answer the door, and that he was already back in the kitchen. Maybe she was still a little stunned.

She knew Ford had brothers. A bunch of them, in fact. But she was under the impression they were kind of far flung, each of them off doing something wild or crazy. She had no idea one of them was actually nearby. Just…dropping in for brunch.

Ford’s brother.

“You’re really that surprised?” Ford asked, coming up behind her. “You’re about to go crazy, then.”

“Wait, what?”

Gavin gave that grin again, something that apparently ran in the family, and nodded his head. “I came into town for the wrap party. I would have introduced myself, but I got distracted, and you seemed busy, and then, well, I got busy.”

Adra’s mind clicked into overdrive. She hadn’t though about the wrap party itself much at all; she’d been so focused on Ford. But now she remembered that conversation with Olivia Cress, and Olivia’s blush when she admitted, sort of, that she’d met someone new.

She smiled. “I bet I know what kind of busy,” she said.

Gavin’s face lit up. “You’d bet on it?”

“Don’t,” Ford interrupted. “He’s a professional gambler.”

“I used to be a professional gambler,” Gavin said, mock offended. “Now I’m a venture capitalist.”

“How’s that different from professional gambling, again?” Ford asked.

“It’s classier.”

Adra looked between the two brothers and narrowed her eyes. “I’d still win,” she said.

Gavin shook his head, smiling. “Well done, Ford.”

“I know it.”

“So you want me to show her what I found?”

Adra was suddenly less sure of herself. “Ford, what did you do? Why am I about to go crazy?”

Ford put his hands on her shoulders, and kissed her on the forehead. Then he turned to his brother.

“He’s in the car?”

“The foyer.”

“Jesus, bring him in.”

Adra couldn’t take her eyes away from Ford. She suddenly knew what was coming, but it seemed like too much. Like too much good. She couldn’t take her eyes away from Ford, and she couldn’t stop them from filling up with tears.

When he spoke, his voice was so sad, and hesitant, and so damn sorry, and she was just so glad to hear it.

“Adra?”

She turned around, and there he was. Charlie.

“Oh, goddamn you, Charlie,” she said, wiping away the tears, and went to wrap her brother in as much of a hug as she could manage. “Why are you here? Why aren’t you with—”

“Because Gavin told me I was screwing up your life, too, and we needed to stop here on the way down,” Charlie said. “And Nicole agreed.”

Gently he peeled Adra off of him, and she looked up at him. What she saw there both broke her heart and gave her hope at the same time.

He had that look she remembered so well from when they were kids. That determined look he got whenever he felt like he needed to get it together because their parents couldn’t. Whenever he felt like she needed protecting. He had a beard and kind of a belly and he was a big, huge guy now, but inside…

He was her brother.

“I f*cked up,” Charlie said.

“You really, really did,” she said. “You can’t keep doing this.”

“I won’t.”

“Charlie…”

“I was scared,” Charlie said. “I panicked. But I’m going to do whatever I need to do to make it right. I just thought that Nic and the kids were better off without me—”

“Jesus, Charlie.”

“I know I’m screwed up,” he said. “I’m going to fix it.”

“How?”

“Work at it, I guess.”

“Your ass is going to therapy,” Ford said from behind her.

Adra almost burst out laughing.

“Charlie,” she said softly. “I wouldn’t argue with him.”

“Argue with the guy who had me delivered like a pizza?” Charlie said, looking over her shoulder at Ford. “Yeah, no thanks. I just wanted to say I was sorry, Adra. It’s not an excuse, but after a while, you just start thinking…”

“You deserve it,” she finished for him.

Charlie looked at her.

“I wish you hadn’t been able to answer that.”

She shrugged, and smiled up at her big brother. “I’m getting over it.”

“I’ve gotta get back to Nic and the kids,” Charlie said, smiling softly back at her. He knew he had a long road ahead of him, but at least he was on it now.

“You called them, right? They know—”

“I called them,” Charlie said. “You don’t have to worry anymore. I promise.”

“Fat chance,” Adra whispered.

She watched her brother walk away in another kind of daze. If she said goodbye—or thank you—to Gavin, she was totally unaware of it, though she bet she’d have time to fix that later. She just couldn’t believe that he’d found her brother.

And she would have expected to start crying soon after that, except the opposite happened. Ford came around took her elbow, his touch light, careful, like he thought she might break down. And instead she turned to him and wrapped her arms around him with a ferocity she rarely let show.

“Hey, doesn’t that hurt?” he asked her.


It did. It also didn’t matter.

“I don’t care,” she said.

“Adra—”

“No,” she said, pulling slightly away. “No, let me do it. Please, let me talk. I’ve been trying to figure out all morning how to say it, and then you go and get my brother, and I just… Don’t talk Ford, ok?”

He had a slight smile on his face as he slipped his hand up her neck to cup her face, his thumb brushing against her cheek.

“Ok,” he said.

Adra tried to find the words.

She thought about how Charlie had been just as scared as she had been, but how in Charlie, she could see it for what is was. Fear wasn’t bad; it was just a signal, telling you to pay attention. Telling you that something was important, that it was worthwhile. That it was real.

“You showed me it’s worth it,” she said finally. She looked up. “If we broke each other’s hearts into a million pieces tomorrow, today would still be worth it. That’s why I’m scared. But I can be scared with you.”

“I love you,” he said simply.

“I know,” she said. “And I was gonna say yes! Damn it, I’d been thinking about it all morning, how I was going to get the jump on you. And then you went and found my brother.”

She laughed, and hopelessly banged her fist against his chest.

“Yeah, I would’ve done that anyway,” Ford said, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

“I know.”

“I’ll get you anything you need,” he said.

“I know,” she said again. “And I’ll abuse that just enough to warrant some discipline.”

Ford inhaled sharply. “You need to heal already.”

“Working on it,” she said. She put her head on his chest and just breathed him in for a few, blissful seconds. Then she said, “Ford?”

“Yeah?”

“I want to make you as happy as you deserve to be,” she said quietly.

“Already done,” he said.