"Then I came back and stayed with him." But he knew that. "Why didn't you rescue me?"
"Because it was your own damn lesson to learn. I wasn't going to teach you that you needed me. That you needed this family. You take off, you either fly or sink, and it has to be all on you." That fat cigar hung from his mouth as he said it and I knew that he was telling the truth. He didn't really give a shit about me. He only cared about where I went to, like I was his lost watch or cellphone, but that wasn't what it was about for him.
No, it was about the fact that I defied him. I needed to eat crow in order to be accepted back into the family, and that was hard as f*ck
to do.
"You're right. I sank. I sank like a big, fat rock. I was getting high and drunk and not doing much of anything, and if it wasn't for Greyson and his little minion, I would've probably gotten addicted to worse."
There it was. That was what he wanted to hear. That was exactly what he was looking for. And it f*ck
ing hurt to say.
Maybe this was all a big mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have come home and started this.
Maybe I was better off in Chicago playing my violin.
At least then, I wouldn't have to deal with any of this shit.
"James, don't you think that's enough? My baby just got home, and I am pretty sure she's learned her lesson." My mother's voice was a gentle reprieve as she came through the kitchen door to the dining room. She was always trying to protect us from him. First as children, and then as adults. But it usually ended in tears.
"Maeve, I didn't ask you, did I?" my father said as he looked up at her. He was still angry, and she was going to be the one who took the brunt of the anger.
"Look at her. She's exhausted. Just let her go up to her room and get settled in. You are staying with us, aren't you sweetie?" I’d already spent the night, but I hadn’t made my intentions clear yet as to where I was staying. I knew one thing, though, and it was that I could not, under any circumstances, let them know I’d been staying with Janson.
"Why would she stay anywhere else?" he asked. “My children stay under my own roof. Unless they f*ck
ing run away.” That anger, it popped up again.
"She's an adult, James. She can make her own decisions,” my mom countered. She’d always stood up for us, but only so far. She knew her duties as a wife of a mob boss. She knew who was really in charge.
I felt for her.
"That's what got her in trouble in the first place." They tried not to have out-and-out arguments in front of us, but it was always there. The anger, the resentment. My mother had put up with so much from him, could anyone blame her?
I swallowed. I just wanted to go back to Janson's. I didn't actually want anything to do with either one of them. But I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Not if I was going to do what I came here to do.
"Of course I'm staying, Mom. I'm home. I should get upstairs. I have a gig tonight."
"You're playing the violin?" my mother said, ignoring the angry stare on my father's face. "How nice."
"Greyson hooked me up with several gigs, and every place that I've played has wanted me back, so I'm finally getting paid to do what I love." I beamed up at her. “He convinced me to come back, Mom. Convinced me to stay.”
“I’m glad you’re home, honey.” My mom had always been supportive, even now. She was the real reason I was doing all of this. I wanted her to be free from this life. From him. She’d be tethered until the day he died, but she deserved a little relief. That woman had seen and put up with so much.
She’d supported me through everything. Even playing the violin, especially when no one else did. Not my father, not my sisters. She’d been there for me, though. Got me lessons for my birthday present and made sure that I always had what I needed, even if she didn’t think it was a reality.
It wasn't what they had in mind for me, but it was better than nothing. Besides, whatever I did was just a hobby in my father's eyes until I attached myself to a man. It was easier to sell me off to the highest bidder in order to gain political favor.
"Well then, go get settled," my father said finally, but the anger blazed in his eyes. I dared not defy him when he got like this, so I rose and headed up the stairs towards my room. They always waited until we were just out of sight to start arguing, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t hear them. They were always fighting, it was a way of life, but I bit my lip and ascended the stairs, ignoring the screams.
Soon. I had to get the f*ck
out of here soon.
Janson
“Are you sure you want to do this now?” I asked as I looked over at Greyson. He was trying to keep his cool, I could tell. But this shit was f*ck
ing ridiculous. He was crossing over into enemy territory and about to find his way into the lion’s den.
We were going to f*ck
ing knock on the second largest crime boss’s door in all of Baltimore and ask him for a damn parley. It was crazy as f*ck