I couldn’t betray the secret. No matter how much I wanted to confide in her. No matter how much I wanted to ask her for advice.
"But what about Janson?" she asked, her brow furrowed. She was as confused as I was when it came to my relationship with Janson.
"He'll still be there," I answered. "He promised."
"And you won't tell anyone?" Joanna asked. She was prying, but she was trying to be nice and she'd just given birth. I wasn't about to tell her to back off.
"He told me it wasn't safe to. He's really afraid of what Greyson might do. He's afraid of what my father might do." It was the truth, as far as I could tell. The two of us knew it would be a risky relationship. We knew that it was possible that once they found out, it would be forbidden. I wasn’t willing to chance that. Not yet. Not until I was certain he wanted me.
I didn’t know if I would ever be certain. He kept his emotions so closely guarded that I doubt he would tell me, even if he knew.
She nodded. "I don't always understand these men, but I do know that disrespect is the most serious violation of their code. Greyson might view being with you as being disrespectful to them. But I know that if you don’t tell him and he finds out, that it would be a betrayal.”
"Do you think they will?" I asked. But I wasn't thinking about that. I was going to commit the ultimate form of disrespect against my father. I was going to put him behind bars.
I didn't respect him, though. Not one bit. I wanted to see him rot for what he did.
I wanted him to pay.
And I hated myself for thinking that while I was holding this tiny little baby.
I handed her back to Joanna. "I just. I don't know, Joanna. I don't know if I can go through this."
"You can. It's not easy, but if you love Janson, you can. It'll all work out in the end." Joanna seemed like she was so full of hope, but I didn't necessarily believe her. It just seemed impossible.
"How do you know?" I asked.
"Because look at me. Greyson loves me. He had the chance to walk away from me, and he didn't. He didn't walk away from us." She cradled her baby and looked up at me. "Give Janson a chance."
Chapter Fifteen
Kathryn
"What the hell were you thinking, running off like that?" My father stared at me from the other end of the table. He was almost visibly frothing at the mouth. The dining room table. Where all the screaming matches, speeches of disappointment, and accusations occurred. I dreaded this f*ck
ing table, and had ever since I got my first lecture there.
It wasn’t hard to see why. Watching the vein in my father’s forehead throb as he looked at me in anger and disappointment was enough.
I'd been home a whole thirty minutes, and we were already having this discussion.
"I was thinking I needed to see if I could make it out there on my own without my father helping me every step of the way," I said, truthfully. It was only a partial truth, but that was the best way to handle him. I had to give him some of the truth or he would never believe anything I had to say.
I got out of a lot of shit that way as a teenager.
"And did you?" he asked. I could tell by the smarmy smile on his face that he was trying to prove a point.
"For a while," I admitted. I wasn't ready to admit defeat. Not yet. But I knew the truth. I'd never really be able to survive for long without help.
"For a while," he conceded. "Holed up in a den of shit with a bunch of punks."
"You knew where I was?" I asked. My adrenaline spiked. What else did he know?
"Of course. You're my daughter. You think I don't know where you went? What you did? You think I didn't have eyes on you?" His smile vanished. "As soon as Janson came and got you, I was relieved. You are one of mine. You belong to me. You might find your way into the arms of a man like that scum ball you were staying with, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who you are with or who you sleep with. You are mine."
I blew out a breath. As much as he thought he knew, he didn't know about Janson and me, or if he did, he wasn't letting on. My father had the ability to hold onto most things, but when it came to this family, I highly doubted he would've let that slide. He didn't know about Michael, about Janson. About our plan.
He couldn't. He saw the world differently, thought of his children differently.
His possession. That was exactly how he saw me.
And it was why I had to get the f*ck
out of there the first time. But now, I was trapped, and there was no going back. I'd made a promise. To Janson, to Michael. This was all part of the plan.
"So, your brother had to go and rescue you, and then what?" he asked.