“Sure.” She sounded disappointed. What was she expecting? I was broken, and nothing was going to fix me.
I hung up the phone and looked around the tiny room that was meant for baby and me. It wasn’t going to be enough. I’d take her up on her offer tomorrow. Tonight I just needed a place to lay in bed and cry. I missed him.
I needed to take care of that little bundle because it was all I had left. The only remnant of my love for Greyson. I would protect it at all costs.
Greyson
I slammed my fist into the body bag. Again. Again. All I saw was the red of that bag. The rest of the world faded away when I was slamming my fist into something. I’d been working out non-stop since she left. Going to the gym in the mall and just letting it all out.
Spars, a bag, it didn’t matter. I took beatings, but I gave them out too. I’d gone back to enforcing for my father full time, turning over the factory to Janson. It felt good to take my pain out on others.
Especially if they deserved it, but really, I didn't care. I wanted to make someone hurt just as much as I did. I wanted to sink those fists into my father. Into her uncle.
I was so f*ck
ing sick of this life. My father, the family. They were all just obligations that took away everything I wanted. Everything I needed. Joanna was gone because I wasn’t man enough to stand up to my father. Because I accepted his word as law. She’d just done the same thing, really, followed the laws of her family. Done as she was told.
And it got her ripped from me.
Lenny told me I just needed to get laid, but there was no woman that held a candle to her. No, I couldn’t f*ck
anyone else, no matter how hard I tried. Janson told me I needed to lean into the pain and let it out. Denial was so much better. Anger filled me instead. Gave me purpose. My father thought I’d come around, that I was doing the right thing for the family. He’d actually told me he was impressed with my work. He knew I was letting out the pain the only way I could. And when I was ready, I’d come back to the family just like he wanted. At least in his mind.
But I didn’t see that happening. I was a machine now. All the anger and pain turning me into the monster I fought so hard to keep at bay.
I didn’t want to do what any of them asked of me. I just wanted to f*ck
someone up.
I was slamming fist after fist into that body bag when I saw Janson out of the corner of my eye. He was waiting there for me like he’d been watching for a while.
“What?” I asked as I turned to see him. I unstrapped my gloved and waited. I knew I looked like death. I’d stopped giving a shit weeks ago. Black rimmed eyes stared back at me from the gym mirrors that lined the wall. The mirrors reflected a man I didn’t know covered in sweat, his face wild, his breathing gagged. I wasn’t the pretty boy I used to be, no. I was a scrapper now. With more bruises and scrapes than I ever had as an enforcer before.
I was a f*ck
ing mess.
“Got some news for you, thought you might want to shower and get to the office so we could talk about it in private.”
“Why the f*ck
didn’t you just call?” I didn’t want to be bothered with business now. I wanted to lose myself in a fight then go out drinking.
Except that never ended well. I always found a pretty girl, started talking to her, tried to hit on her, but in the end the only face I saw was Joanna’s. I took off at the end of the night alone every time.
I couldn’t f*ck
anyone else. Not after having her. She’d spoiled me.
“I did. A dozen times. This shit is important,” Janson said as he clenched his jaw. “It’s about Jo.”
Jo. It had to be news from the PI. I’d sent one on her as soon as we’d parted ways. I told myself it was because I wanted to make sure she didn’t betray us. That she didn’t do anything stupid. Or that I wanted to know if someone tried to come after her.
The truth was, I wanted an eye on her. I wanted to know she was safe.
“What’s it about?”
“You really need to come into the office to hear about it,” he said. But there was an envelope right there in his hand.
“Just tell me,” he knew I wasn’t going anywhere. Knew I was going to turn right around and get back to work as soon as he said what he came to say.
“Fine. We’ve gotten pictures of her coming out of Planned Parenthood. She’s been seen clutching her stomach, and it looks… distended.” He handed the envelope over to me and I pulled the pictures out immediately. There was no doubt that woman was showing. She was pregnant.
My wife was pregnant.
“Planned Parenthood?” I asked.
“It doesn’t mean anything, not that she’s looking to get an abortion. They don’t just do those, they also have regular family services. OBGYNs. Might be how she can see a regular doctor,” Janson was thinking what I was, that there was a chance she was trying to get rid of my baby. I was never going to allow that to happen. I didn’t care if I had to kidnap her and take her hostage for the remainder of the pregnancy. It was my baby. My legacy.