I stepped out of the cab and clutched my bag, tears streaking down my face. It couldn’t be happening. It shouldn’t be happening. I’d been careless.
I’d been stupid. And now it was going to cost me everything.
Pregnant. Three and a half months.
Three and a half months since Greyson Fitzgerald walked into my life and f*ck
ed everything up. Then took it all away.
I looked at the little rundown town home my father lived in on the edge of Brooklyn. It was a shitty neighborhood, but it was home. At least for now. There were bars on the windows and bars on the doors of every major establishment. And every home.
Including mine.
This was my life now. I couldn’t go back to school, I had a life to raise. I’d been planning on heading back in January, on trying to get my life started all over again.
But not now. Not with this baby in my belly.
I’d known, or at least suspected, for months. I was always tired, dizzy, and nauseous. But I didn’t think about it. It was too much, too soon, and I was dealing with so much. A new man in my life, a wedding, threats. I didn’t have time or the capacity to deal with this.
And I hoped I was late because of stress.
I clutched my belly as I entered the little townhouse. My uncle purchased it for my father last year when he was evicted yet again from another apartment complex. It was a mess until I moved in, though. I’d worked hard at cleaning and painting and now it passed muster.
“You home?” my father called from the couch.
“Yup.”
“Something came for you,” he said as he pointed at a package.
“Thanks, Dad.” I grabbed it and pulled it into my room. It was a box from Willa’s sister filled with maternity clothing. Mine still fit but just barely. I wasn’t starting to show too much yet, but I needed bigger clothing.
She was the only one who knew my secret. I knew it wouldn’t stay that way forever, but for now I needed it to stay the same. I needed that little bit of extra privacy.
I grabbed my phone and dialed.
“Hello?” Willa’s voice lit up the line.
“Thank you so much for sending the box,” I said as I stroked the skin over my little peanut. I loved him or her already. With all my heart. It was why I would never ever give it up.
“I would do anything for you, you know that,” Willa said slowly, “including asking you to move in with me. Again.”
“I told you, I couldn’t do that to you, it was too much of an imposition when I thought it was just me, but now that there is going to be a second little life-“
“Yeah, but your father’s place is no place for a baby. Brooklyn is rough enough as it is, but with the men your father attracts, it’s downright awful.”
She had a point.
“I deserve this, Willa. I betrayed him, I have absolutely no right to ask for any special favors now.” It was the truth. It was the way I felt and nothing could ever take that pain away. I deserved it. All of it.
“You did what you had to do to protect yourself and your family, don’t play that with me, Jo. I’ve known you since we were ten years old. You’re too busy pitying yourself to realize what you are doing. You’re wallowing. Yes, you made a mistake. Yes, you have to move on. But you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to live there.” Her argument was strong, but I wasn’t buying it.
“You are the only person that doesn’t hate me right now. My father hates me for cutting off my uncle’s money, my uncle hates me for getting caught, and Greyson, well, he’ll never talk to me again.” Greyson. My heart ached just thinking about him. The hurt in his eyes as I begged for him to look at me. Then the disgust. I fought back tears just thinking about it.
“Have you even tried to tell him?” she asked me. She knew the answer to that. I couldn’t. He wouldn’t want me to call him if I tried.
And I hadn’t. I couldn’t go down that road towards rejection.
“Why, so he can force me to get rid of it? I won’t do that. I’d never do that. This is my baby.” I could feel the hormones surging through me as I said it. I wanted to rage wanted to throw something, but instead I just stamped my foot against the floor for emphasis, then I laughed. She couldn’t see it, but I was acting just like a spoiled child.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, sweetie. But you need to be calm, for the baby.” Willa was the voice of reason whenever I needed it.
I nodded. “You are right. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Willa.” It was something I used to say over and over again as teen.
“You’d be hopeless, that’s for sure.” Her trademark response.
“I love you, Willa. Thank you so much for all your help,” I said. I felt small and weak.
“You know I love you too. I still wish you’d move in with me. I just don’t feel like you’re safe there,” she explained her tone exasperated.
“I’ll think about it,” I finally conceded. I needed to do what was best for the baby. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?” I asked