Twenty-Six
True love is like rain; it touches us all
~Unknown
“Stop it. You can’t cry or you’ll make me cry and ruin my makeup.”
“I’m sorry, Lily.” Maggie squared her shoulders and stood up straight. “I’m just so happy for you. I’m happy for Cooper.” Throwing her arms in the air she shouted, “I’m happy for everybody today!”
“I’m so glad you’re here, Mags.”
“Of course I’m here. Where else would I be?” She grabbed a tissue and gently dabbed underneath her eyes before she started frantically pacing again. “It’s your wedding day and I love you like a sister. I want everything to be perfect for you.”
“Perfect,” I whispered to myself. I gently took Maggie by the hands, standing right in front of her, and coaxed her to look at my eyes. She looked up through her thick lashes. “I’m marrying Cooper today.
Before I even realized it I was smiling in a big way. I said it again because I liked the way it sounded. “I’m marrying Cooper today. So you see, Maggie, today is already perfect. Nothing else could make me happier. Nothing.” I gently squeezed both of her hands and then pulled her in for a hug. “Thank you. Thank you for everything. But if you don’t relax I’m gonna have Joe come tie you down until it’s over. Something tells me that Joe just might like that idea, so don’t give me a reason to call him in here.”
I gave her a smile and she immediately started blushing, wiggled herself loose and pulled away.
“You’re right, Lily. You’re totally right. You don’t need me being all panicky and giving off nervous energy. Today will be perfect. Is perfect.” She patted her hands on her hips and then ran her palms down the front of her dress.
“Wait a minute…” I evaluated Maggie’s body language for a moment. “You like Joe don’t you?” Taking a step toward her, I noticed how she wouldn’t look at me. “You do! You like Joe! Does he know?” I felt like a giddy teenager.
“We’re not talking about me, Lily. This is your day. We can talk about this later.” Her shoulders stiffened and she moved away from me.
“Oh come on, Mags. You gotta give me something.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Maggie, please?”
She sighed and her shoulders lost a bit of the stiffness. She turned back to look at me. “Yes, Lily. I like Joe. I like Joe a lot actually. And I don’t know if he knows. But if me kissing him is any indication that I do then maybe he does.” Maggie shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.
“Wait. You kissed him?”
“Yes.”
“How was it?”
She sat down hard in the chair with a look of defeat. “It was…great actually.”
“Okaayyy…” I was confused because her words and her actions were not speaking the same language. “So, what’s the problem?”
She threw her hands in the air then quickly folded them onto the table and laid her head down. “I didn’t expect to like him this much. I didn’t expect to like anybody this much. And I don’t like that I like him as much as I do.”
“Oh, Maggie, I totally understand what you’re saying. It’s a bit scary, I know.” I touched her hair and moved it off her shoulder. “Joe’s a really great guy. If you’re gonna take a chance with anyone, you picked a good one.”
Maggie rolled her head to the side to look at me. She didn’t say anything else for a while, and neither did I. Finally she said, “He’s a really good kisser.”
I patted her on the back. “Come on. Help me finish getting ready.”
Beth finally came into the room where I was getting ready at Ms. Sophie’s –or rather I should say Grams’— house. Ms. Sophie had instructed me a few days ago that I would be calling her Grams from now on. (“We’re family, dear, and that’s what you’ll call me. Understand?”) It wasn’t a request. She also asked if we would have the wedding at her house, and Cooper and I were fine with the idea. Actually, I was happy that she wanted our wedding to be at her house. It made me feel…really loved. She was the first person to make me feel like I belonged somewhere.
“Lily! It’s your big day! Are you excited?!” Beth bellowed, entering the room like a Tasmanian devil.
“Of course I’m excited.” And I was. The butterflies in my stomach had turned into Apache helicopters. The closer the time got to me walking toward Cooper and us taking our vows, the more nervous I got. Not nervous like cold feet, but nervous like I couldn’t believe he picked me. Me. I’d been fighting tears all day. Sometimes it was like there wasn’t enough room inside my heart to hold all the love and it overflowed in the form of wet, salty liquid.
When I reached for a tissue, Beth put her hand over the box and pulled one out for me.
“Allow me,” she said, dabbing the tissue under my eye and down my cheek. “We’ll fix your makeup as many times as we have to. Don’t worry about it. These are the best kind of tears.”
“Thanks, Beth. I’m so happy you’re here.”
“Happy to be here, sweetie.”
I carefully dried my eyes and looked around. “Okay, I’m ready for my dress.” Even though I hadn’t given myself a lot of time to find a dress, I found the one I think was meant for me. It was a strapless modern dress with an Ancient Greek or Roman flair, lightweight and long-flowing with an empire waist, and rows of vertical lines created by gathered material that puddled on the ground around my feet. It was simple yet elegant. When I tried it on it felt like it was made for me, and now that I was standing there wearing it, I knew that this was The Dress.
“You’re beautiful and you’re ready for this,” Maggie said, stepping forward and giving me a hug. “We need to go out now. It’s almost time. We’ll give you a few minutes, okay?”
“Okay. I’ll be right behind you.” Mags and Beth left, closing the door softly behind them, and I looked around the room while I tried to catch my breath. I heard a light tap on the door and I went over to answer it.
“Grams…” I instantly smiled at Cooper’s grandmother because she was the picture of love.
“Lily, dear,” she greeted warmly, touching both of my cheeks. “So on a scale of one to ten how nervous are you?”
Laughing, I said, “I don’t even know. I’m kind of all over the place.”
“You should see Cooper.” She tried unsuccessfully to hold in her laugh. “I swear he’s asked me twenty times if his tie was straight.” She chuckled some more. “Trust me, dear, you seem just fine.”
I walked over to the edge of the bed and practiced taking deep breaths. Grams came over and sat down beside me, wrapping an arm around me. “Are you ready to marry Cooper, dear?”
“So ready, Grams.” I turned to look at her so she could see how serious I was.
“Good, because I don’t think I can keep Cooper from charging back here any longer and throwing you over his shoulder caveman style.” She shook her head in amusement and patted me on my thigh. “Whenever you’re ready, dear. Everyone is ready to start.” She got up to leave and then stopped. “Oh, I almost forgot.” She handed me a small piece of paper that had been folded up. “Cooper asked me to give this to you.”
I took the piece of paper and held onto it. “Thanks, Grams. I love you.”
She embraced me in a warm hug. “I love you too, dear.” Patting me on my face she said, “Such a blessing you are.” She smiled brightly and closed the door behind her.
I opened the folded up piece of paper, read it, and laughed out loud.
I can’t wait to kiss you.
-C
I walked over to the bag I had packed last night. In it was the letter from my daddy. I’d debated with myself whether or not I should read it, but I needed a piece of him today. I carefully slid the letter out of the bag and simply held it at first, running my fingertips across the folds. I knew that when I read this letter I would hear my daddy’s voice and knew that it would be the last words he’d ever say to me. I think I’d purposely held on to the letter as a way of holding on to him, knowing that there were still words left unsaid and hanging on to idea that he had more to say. Knowing my daddy, he more than likely saved those words for a day just like today. I opened the letter and began to read.
Dear Lily,
Do you have any idea how much I love you? I’m looking at you now and I can’t help but think how much you look like your mother. You are a lot like her. I never told you but she was the one who taught me about being fearless. After she was diagnosed with cancer she decided that she wouldn’t let what time she had left keep her from living her life. She soldiered on, making each day she had with us special. Those memories have lasted me a lifetime.
You, Lily, are a part of her. Your strength comes from her. This, what happened to you, will not break you. I know that. It’ll take a while, but you’ll realize that too. I know that you still have a lot of life to live. It’s not your time. You still have lives to touch with your amazing heart. I think, perhaps, you’ve already captured someone’s heart without you even knowing it. It’s just your way.
Anyway, I’m going to shut up now. I just needed to tell you how proud I am of you that you didn’t give up; that you fought back and won. Live, Lily. Really live. And like a proud father, I’ll watch from a distance.
Love,
Daddy
I folded the letter and pressed it against my heart, then placed it back inside my bag. I resolutely wiped the tears from my eyes. “Thank you, Daddy.”
As I was pulling myself together I heard a light tap on the door.
“Who is it?”
“It’s Hayden,” he said quietly through the door.
I opened the door to see him standing there in a suit looking extremely handsome. He sucked in his breath.
“You look incredible, Lily.”
“Thank you. What are doing here? Shouldn’t you be with Cooper?”
“No, I’m right where I need to be.” His eyes were slightly downcast and his voice remained low and soft.
“What do you mean? They’ll be starting any minute.”
Looking up at me he stepped in closer. “Lily, it would be my honor to walk you down the aisle. I know I’m not your father, but if you’ll let me I would very much like to stand in for him. Just for today.”
“Are…are you serious?”
“Completely serious. Cooper knows that I’m here. It was sort of his idea, but I’m honored that he suggested that I be the one to do it. Now I’m asking you…may I walk you down the aisle, Lily?”
“I would love that actually. Thank you, Hayden.” He had to bend his ear close to my mouth so he could hear me. I was trying really hard not to think about the fact that my daddy wouldn’t be here to do this for me today, and now with Hayden asking permission to stand in for him, it made my heart miss him all over again.
Hayden bent his arm at the elbow, I tucked my hand inside, and he folded his other hand on top of mine.
Smiling up at Hayden I said, “Lead the way.”
Twinkling lights and white paper lanterns lit up the backyard, while candles lined the aisle leading up to Cooper, reminiscent of his proposal. When my eyes met his everything else fell away and all I could see was his face. He was wearing a black suit instead of a tux. This was it. All the nerves from before instantly vanished and I was resisting the urge to sprint to the end of the aisle. I needed to touch him, to feel him, to breathe the same air as him.
As soon as Hayden and I came into view, Adele’s version of ‘To Make You Feel My Love’ started playing, and we began our walk toward my forever. When we got close Cooper stepped up and Hayden placed my hand in Cooper’s. Hayden kissed me on my cheek before taking his place at the front of the altar to stand next to Cooper and on the other side of Joe.
Cooper whispered in my ear, “No woman has ever looked as beautiful as you do right now.”
“I love you so much.” I couldn’t think of anything else I wanted to say to him in this moment.
“I love you, precious. And I’m ready to marry you. Right now.”
I heard someone dinging their wine glass with their silverware and then a voice shouted over everyone else’s.
“Alright listen up. Since Hayden got to walk Lily down the aisle, I get to give the toast as Best Man.” Joe stopped briefly to make sure he had my attention, looking me in the eye and then giving me a smile so sincere that no one could doubt his words. I smiled back with equal sincerity as Cooper squeezed my hand under the table.
“Even though I’m supposed to say a lot of nice words because that’s what these kinds of speeches are for,” Joe continued, “I want all of you to know that these are not just words falling out of my mouth for the sake of saying them. I’m telling you now that I mean every word that follows these.” Joe turned to face Cooper and me.
“Cooper, I’ve known you for a long time and you are one of the best men I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Probably the best. So I guess that makes you the best man. You’ve been there for me for many years, no questions asked. Knowing the kind of guy you are, I knew that when you came to me and told me that you were in love with a girl named Lily that she had to be an amazing woman. And I was right.” Joe paused, and smiled at me. “Lily, even though I’ve only known you for a short period of time, it doesn’t feel that way. You have a way about you. I’m not even sure what it is, but there’s a way about you that draws people to you… that makes people want to be better just because. Separately you two are amazing people. Together, you break molds, raise expectations, set new heights, and convince everyone around you that true love exists in a real, tangible way, because we can physically see it and feel it by simply being in the same room with you guys. Hell, you even have me envying what you have, and I’ve never been a sucker for love. So thank you. Thank you to you both for the people you are and for what you offer the world every day, because I know that my life,” he placed his hand over his heart, “is better just having you in it.” Joe raised his glass, “So here’s to Cooper and Lily. May you always have love, laughter, happily-ever-after.”
After everyone drank to Joe’s toast he stepped down and came over to us. Joe and Cooper hugged for a long moment, then Joe spread his arms for me to slide into.
“Thank you,” I said tearfully. “That was a beautiful toast.”
“No, Lily bug. Thank you. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to Cooper. To all of us.”
I looked around at the people there for us and I knew that I was blessed. I smiled to myself thinking about the vows Cooper and I made to each other. It was official— Cooper and I were married. I belonged to him, and he belonged to me. Forever. Although, Cooper had owned my heart long before our wedding night.
“Lily?”
“Huh?”
“Did you hear what I said?” Cooper asked, squeezing my shoulders.
“I’m sorry, no I guess I didn’t. I was just thinking to myself.”
“What were you thinking about?”
I could feel his hot breath and immediately my skin broke out in chills. “About how much I love you.”
“Yeah?” Cooper looked at me with a raised brow and a smirk. “How much do you love me?”
I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. “I love you more than flowers love the rain.”
Taking me by the hand, he pulled me to him, pressing me close against his chest. He nodded to someone and then a song began to play. Immediately, the swelling inside my chest consumed me…wholly and completely. He played ‘You Raised Me Up’ by Celtic Woman. I looked up at Cooper. Unshed tears threatened to spill as I watch my husband watch me. His arms, wrapped firmly around my waist, hold me in place, which is good because my legs feel boneless. We dance the first dance and I am captivated by this man who has the power to either completely destroy me or completely keep me held together. This man who, with just his smile, had the ability to take down my walls inch by inch, brick by brick, and reconstruct from the broken pieces an unbreakable shield that protected me from the things that would otherwise possess me.
I looked at the bracelet Cooper gave me. Delicate, Bold, & Beautiful. That’s what he saw when he looked at me then. That’s what he saw when he looks at me now. However, now, I saw it too. I was different. In small ways, small wonderful ways. I liked the girl I was then, when Cooper and I first met, but I loved the woman I had become even better.
“Wife.”
He said it like he tasted the word on his tongue and was savoring it.
“Wife,” he said again. “I get to call you my wife.”
The smile he wore while saying it told the story. The story of him, the story of me, the story of us. It is our story, the one we get to tell people when they ask how we met or when we fell in love. It is a story of sadness and heartbreak; of losing yourself in the shadows but finding yourself in the light. It is a story of losing what you wish you had never lost, but accepting that you did and allowing yourself to feel it. Even the parts you want to forget. Maybe even especially the parts you want to forget, because pain is something you have to go through in order to get to the other side. There are no secret doors, hidden passages, or trick walls. All you can do is bust through the middle and keep going. You’ll come out with some bruises and maybe even a few scars, but it’s the bruises and the scars that lets you know that you not only survived, but that you actually lived.
And that’s a story worth telling.
We danced for the first time as husband and wife. I drank it all in. Then I realized something…my daddy was right. People do drift into our lives like a feather blowing in the wind, landing right in our laps. It happened just like that for me, and there was really not an explanation for it, other than maybe fate.