Starting Over(Hart of Seattle)

Chapter Fourteen



Von came to slowly.
“That’s right, Sunshine. Open those beautiful eyes for me.”
The eyes in question felt like they had weights on them. Von managed to pry them open only to instantly lower her eyelids to shield them from the harsh, bright light.
“How do you feel?”
“Cold.” Her answer was punctuated with a shiver. A warm weight settled on her body and toasty socks were placed on her feet.”
“You feel any pain?”
Now that it was brought to her attention, Von realized her body ached all over, but the worst was her abdomen and face. “Yes.”
“The anesthesia’s wearing off. We’ll give you something to take care of it. The good stuff,” the voice said with a feminine chuckle. “Now take some deep breaths for me.”
Von tried. “It hurts.”
“I know, but it’s important. Now again. That’s good. Again. Uh-huh. Once more. Excellent.”
“Gloria?”
“Yes, hon?”
“What happened?”
“You were brought in with a bleeder. Dr. Kandt had to go hunting. Thank God he found it before it could do too much damage. You’re going to be out of commission for a while.”
While Von’s fuzzy mind absorbed her words, Gloria leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. “I’m so glad you’re okay. We all are. Rest now while we prepare your room.”

Warmed with a numbing sensation sweeping through her body, Von lost the struggle to stay awake and retreated back into the darkness.
Some time later Von drifted. There were voices, the sensation of movement. In some portion of her mind, Von was aware of being transported to her room. Machines beeped, there was a slight tug in the I.V. line as the bag was hung, the bed was positioned, lights lowered. Last she heard her grandmother and aunt whispering over her before they, too, disappeared.
Sean. Where is Sean? She needed him. Wanted him to come to her so she could feel safe. When her nurse returned she’d tell her...
When Von surfaced again, the hospital had the still quietness that came only in the darkest, deep of night. She weakly pressed the call button. Thirsty, so thirsty.
“Yes,” a disembodied voice said.
“Water.” It came out a croak.
“Be right there.”
Seconds later. “Suck on this.”
Icy coolness touched her lips. Not water but close. A few chips were all she had strength to manage. The nurse checked her vitals, a running commentary on her lips. Thirst sated, Von faded away.
When next she roused, it was to the pressing need to use the bathroom. Knowing she should call for help but not having the patience to wait, she crept to the bathroom, step by painful step, leaning heavily on the IV pole. Emptying her bladder proved to be a painfully torturous experience. Upon returning to bed, Von gladly pressed the button which dispensed pain medication that took her out of her body and into a netherworld. How long she drifted there she had no idea. Time passed. People—nurses, staff, doctors—came and went. Vitals were taken, bandages checked and changed, and still Von lingered, not quite present, aware but not alert.
She answered questions—doctors, nurses and, she thought, the police. And she asked for Sean, repeatedly, until suddenly he was there, by her bedside, holding her hand. Safe. She was safe.
Days later, she was much improved and not as dependent upon the morphine. Final report: a broken nose, concussion, ruptured spleen, bruised ribs, and an assortment of colorful bruises all over her body. She would live, and for that Von was extremely grateful.
The report of what happened made the news. “Respected Pastor shot, almost kills faithful Parishioner, news at five.” Marketta was in jail, or had been. Von wasn’t exactly sure and no one in the family would tell her. She was told to concentrate on getting better.
Derrick Senior was in this same hospital in critical condition, and his prognosis didn’t look good. Von wasn’t sure how she felt about it or him. He was her pastor, a man of God. One whose bible teachings had helped her become the woman she was today. But the man that attacked her, tried to rape her and meant to kill her when he finished—yes, she remembered every foul word he’d spoken, every blow, every kick—that man she didn’t know.
Which was the real Pastor Derrick Wilkins Senior? Where was the man who’d preached and taught on love and respect? Was it all a lie? Von didn’t know and not knowing left her vulnerable, her faith floundering, in a way she’d never been.
Thank God for Sean. She drew strength from his quiet, solid presence. Whatever she needed, he made sure she had. He didn’t talk but his being there was statement enough. He left only when necessary and even then he didn’t stay gone long.
On one of his absences, Von woke to find a red-eyed Derrick sitting beside her bed, holding her hand to his mouth. She must have made some sound, or maybe it was the way she reflexively tensed, preparing to pull her hand away. Something alerted Derrick she was awake and his gaze switched from the machines to her.
He looked rough. Grief stricken. Despite that, he attempted a smile. “Hi.”
“Derrick.” She tugged on her hand. His hold tightened briefly before he released it. “I know you don’t want to see me and I don’t blame you, but I had to come.” He cleared his throat so hard his Adam’s apple bobbed. “I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching since this happened. I’m sorry, so sorry. For hitting you, and so much more. I...I have no excuse. I know I was wrong. Knew it even while I was doing it, but couldn’t seem to control myself. Please, please forgive me.”
Von closed her eyes and nodded. It didn’t matter anymore.
“I went to the jail and told them...”
He paused for so long Von looked at him. Derrick clenched the railing of her bed so tight his knuckles were white. “I told them, if your cousin hadn’t shot my father, he would have killed you...like he killed my mother.”
Von sucked in a sharp breath. No wonder he didn’t like talking about her. Von had always assumed his mother had left Derrick’s father, leaving her son behind like unwanted garbage. Derrick’s gaze connected with hers and the pain she saw in its depths made her forget about her own. For the first time, Von believed she was seeing the real Derrick.
“My dad used to abuse me, for as long as I can remember. Mom found out...no, I said something, I don’t remember what, and she figured it out. She confronted him, said she was taking me and leaving, and if he tried to stop her she would go to the police, and the church elders, and tell what he was doing and he...he...killed her. Put his hands around her neck and choked her. I was eight. She crumpled on the floor, her face...”
He turned away so that she viewed his profile. “She wasn’t breathing. He told me if I told anyone else he’d kill them, too. That he loved me. I was his, and no one would take me away from him.” He closed his eyes. “He said he needed me. That everything he did was because he loved me so much.” A tear slid down his cheek and his breath shuddered in and out.
“In middle school, one of my teachers took an interest in me. Ms. Mulligan. She was really nice. I liked her a lot. Used to spend whatever time I could with her. She reminded me of my mother. I must have said something, let something slip, even though I’d gotten better at hiding it. She got suspicious. Started asking questions about our family, my dad, making subtle inquiries to other teachers, neighbors. A few weeks later, she was in an accident. Her brakes failed. She was almost killed. No one suspected anything but I knew. I knew...”
Derrick jerked to his feet and began to pace in short, choppy steps as Von listened in horror. “We moved here. Dad started this church. Things got better. He didn’t come to me at night as much. Said he didn’t love me any less, but that I was getting too big, too old...he likes ‘em small, and young...but I’d always be his special love...”
With dawning horror, Von remembered how Derrick had always hated his size. How he was always trying to bulk up, and her stomach lurched as his meaning sank in.
“But the beatings, those never stopped. He demanded instant obedience in everything. He had to be in control.” He stopped with his back to her and dragged his hands over his head before turning to face her, his eyes tortured. “Then I met you. Dad found out. He didn’t want me having a girlfriend. Said I didn’t need anyone but him. It’s the first time I ever stood up to him. I refused to stop seeing you.”
Von put a hand over her mouth. God, she was going to be sick.
“You and I were so much alike. Had so much in common, but you never knew. I couldn’t tell you or he’d have hurt you, too.”
Von spoke then. “Why’d you come back? You’d gotten away from him.” She remembered his father’s fury when he found out Derrick had enlisted. How Derrick had waited until the very last moment to tell him he was leaving.

Derrick’s solemn gaze held hers. “Because he had you.”
She jolted. He’d come back to his demon father because of her? No. Everything within her rejected that. “Derrick, I loved you. I would have joined you, if you asked.”
He shook his head. “No you wouldn’t have. He would have stopped you, just like he stopped you from going to school in Atlanta. You turned down a four-year scholarship to stay here, despite my encouraging you, almost pleading with you to go.”
“No, I—” she started to argue, then stopped. Hadn’t Marketta just said the same? Always intimidating, Derrick Senior had a way of making a person want to do what he wanted them to do. At eighteen, nineteen, even twenty, would she have been able to stand up to him? No, she’d only recently stood up to Derrick and he was nowhere near as forceful as his father.
“I’m sorry you came back here for me,” she said instead.
He came over and stood beside her. “It wasn’t all for you. He’s my dad and despite everything, I love him. I keep hoping that he’ll change, that...” Derrick shook his head, unable to continue.
Von understood exactly what he meant. That confusing blend of anger, contempt, pity, and love she felt toward her own mother. The hope that one day she’d change and be the parent that Von always needed and wanted her to be. But to be like Derrick, to have unwanted sexual feelings in the equation... God, she couldn’t imagine.
“It’s my fault he came after you. He came to see why I wasn’t in church. I was so angry, so hurt, I said things I shouldn’t have...”
And like the jealous lover he was, Derrick Senior came rushing over to do what he’d always wanted, eliminate the competition for his son’s affection.
He took a shaky breath. “When I found out what he’d done, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. I don’t want...I can’t be like him.”
Compassion for the son flooded Von’s heart. “What he did, it’s not your fault. You aren’t responsible for your father’s actions.”
He stuck his hands in his pockets and before her eyes, Derrick reconstructed his mask, the one that hid his feelings. How had she been with him so long and not known him? Because he’d never let her see his heart.
Derrick shrugged his shoulders like he was shaking off an unwanted garment. “I told the police where we buried her. That should help your cousin beat the charges against her.”
He headed for the door. At it, he paused. “I just wanted you to know, I do love you, as much as it’s possible for me to love any woman. I want you to be happy with your life. You deserve it.”
Something about his tone she didn’t like. “Derrick?”
“Goodbye, Von.” He gave her a last lingering look, then walked out the door.
“Derrick!” She needed to go after him but couldn’t. There was something very final in his goodbye. He wouldn’t do something stupid, would he? Left with no other recourse, Von prayed for Derrick, and as an afterthought, for herself.
Minutes later the door opened and Sean walked in. “Was that Derrick I saw? Was that bastard bothering you?”
“No,” she answered softly.
“Then why are you crying?” His expression shifted from angry to concerned. “Are you in pain?”
Von wiped her face, surprised to find it wet. “Derrick was here.”
His gaze sharpened along with his tone. “I thought you said he wasn’t?’
“He didn’t bother me,” she clarified.
“What did he want?” In his eyes, those windows of his soul, she saw suspicion, jealousy and an underlying hint of uncertainty.
Von held out her hand and he came and sat beside her on the bed, careful not to jostle her. Von told him what Derrick had revealed without any hesitation or fear of betraying confidences. She always told Sean everything.
Sean appeared thoughtful when she finished. “I knew his father used to knock him around occasionally but I didn’t realize...”
“That explains so much,” he finally finished.
“Derrick told you?” Von was shocked, and a little hurt that Derrick had shared that part of himself with Sean and not her, the woman he professed to love.
“Well, yeah.” He caught her look. “It wasn’t like that. Some stuff happened that triggered some bad memories for me. Hooch and I talked. I didn’t think he’d understand, coming from a good home like he had, until he told me about his dad.” He paused, then asked a bit hesitantly, “Does this change how you feel about him?”
Von thought and then nodded slowly.
“I see.” Sean pulled his hand away and slid off the bed.
How she knew what he was thinking, feeling, Von didn’t stop to question. She grabbed for him and hissed in pain at the sharp movement. “No, you don’t,” she contradicted, trying to pant though the agony.
He stopped, his sudden concern for her overriding his need to escape what she knew he assumed to be his coming rejection. “Are you all right? Should I call someone?”
“Just sit down, please.”
Sean slowly returned to his former position.
“You didn’t give me a chance to finish. Knowing what Derrick’s father did to him helps me to understand him better. For a long time I thought I was the problem in our relationship. That my issues were keeping us from really connecting.”
Von stared steadily into Sean’s eyes, willing him to get what she was saying. “I loved him and at times, I really believed he loved me, too, but there was always this bit of distance between us. I thought it was because of my background, you know, my family. That he really couldn’t relate. Now I find out his family is more jacked up than mine. We got a lot of stuff going on, but thank God, incest isn’t one of them.”
Sean placed his hand on her thigh. “I know what it’s like,” he said quietly.
Von’s heart clenched and her eyes rounded. “Please God, tell me you weren’t molested, too?”
“No,” he denied, “but I know what it’s like to sleep with one eye open. Never knowing if tonight’s the night you’re going to have to defend yourself against some perv and praying for escape, for someone to rescue you from your situation. All the homes I stayed in weren’t...nice. Some of my foster families were indifferent. As long as the money came in, they didn’t care what I did. Some were good people who really wanted to make a difference, but others...those are the ones I still have nightmares about.”
Von thought about the three of them. Her momma had been neglectful, more concerned with her men, the money they provided, and the booze she drank than Von’s welfare. Sean never had any family that he could remember. He was a true child of the System. And then there was Derrick, who seemed to have it all: a well respected father, nice home, money enough to take care of his needs, and his father was a monster in disguise.
The fear he must have lived with...
Looking back, Von wondered that she hadn’t suspected anything. Derrick had always worn long-sleeved, button down shirts and long pants, no matter what the season. She’d thought it because he was a preacher’s kid. She didn’t remember him having many friends and he’d been as leery of being touched as she. Von had considered him the perfect boyfriend, one who wouldn’t make any sexual demands on her, not knowing he’d probably considered her the perfect girlfriend for the same reason. As long as they were together, as they almost always were, the other kids looking to hook up left them alone.

While Derrick had never seemed uncomfortable with sex, Von realized now he’d only allowed sexual contact when he initiated it, and he maintained control. Whenever she made tentative overtures, he’d always stopped her cold. And he’d never allowed her to touch him in a sexual manner.
Shaking off the past, Von laid her hand over the one Sean placed on her thigh. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I thought I was going to die.” The words were stark. The first mention she’d made to him of what happened that night.
“Von...” He closed his eyes and his gripped tightened, almost to the point of pain. “I should have been there.”
Disregarding his words and the pointless guilt behind them, she repeated, “I love you, and I want to be with you. Whatever that means. If you re-enlist, I’ll go with you. Wherever they send you. I realized something when I was lying there waiting for him to make good on his threat and kill me. Life is short. You need to grab hold to love and happiness with both hands and not let go. Don’t worry about what other people think and all the stupid, petty stuff we concern ourselves with. This,” she squeezed his hand, “this is what’s important.”
Sean wiped the tears from her eyes and then reached into his shirt pocket. He pulled out something shiny and round. Taking her left hand, he slid the ring on it. “You’re already my mate. Now be my wife.”
“Yes,” she agreed while she held her hand up, admiring the way the ring sparkled in the light.
“I’ll get the license tomorrow and have the hospital chaplain marry us.” There was a hint of challenge in his tone.
“Yes.” No more waiting or delays. She wasn’t taking any chances. No one knew what the future held and as she’d told Sean, she intended to grab hold of happiness with both hands and not let go. Being with Sean made her happy. He completed her soul. “Tomorrow.”
They sealed their agreement with a kiss.

The End...Almost


Because I know you’ll want to know...

Sean and Von did marry the next day with whatever family could be in attendance on such short notice. The bride wore her granny nightgown. The groom wore fatigues and a t-shirt.
Sean did re-enlist and join one of the specialty Lycan units. He and Von were stationed at a secret military base in a wooded, mountainous area where the Lycans could change, hunt, and roam during the full moon without notice. Von’s medical training was expanded, courtesy of the US government and she became a valued member of Sean’s unit’s medical team.
Derrick’s mother’s body was found exactly where Derrick Junior said it would be. Derrick’s deposition and information went a long way to clearing Marketta of any charges.
Derrick Senior’s condition improved, upgrading from critical to stable before mysteriously taking a turn for the worst. He later died from “complications.” Foul play was suspected but never proven.
Derrick Junior disappeared, never to be heard from again. It’s speculated that he changed his name and left the country after his father died. Without their two strongest leaders, the church fell apart and disbanded.