Soul Bonded

chapter SEVENTEEN



Katie forced herself to take a long, hot shower. As much as she ached to be with Rafe, she sensed he needed space right now. He needed to calm down and collect himself so he could listen to her instead of drawing his own conclusions about what had just transpired between them. That he was convinced he’d taken her against her will was disturbing, to say the least. Just yesterday he’d sworn that he was incapable of hurting her. Now, hours later, he’d decided that he was a rapist—regardless of what she said. It made her wonder about his state of mind during the act. She simply couldn’t imagine that he’d tried to hurt her. But then why did he feel so guilty?

“Shit.” Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks only to be washed away by the spray from the shower head. It was good to have this time alone. She didn’t want Rafe to see her upset. He would just take it as evidence that he’d traumatized her in some way. The terrible irony, of course, was that the only harmful thing he’d done was to dismiss the most exciting sex of her life as an act of violence.

Glad for the opportunity to work through her own emotions, Katie made sure to be thorough as she washed. Her biggest worry was the possibility of infection from the bite wounds on her calves, though truthfully, she hadn’t felt any pain since Rafe had performed his magic healing trick the night before. His horror over her spilled blood was sweet but misplaced. She didn’t care that the wound had reopened. It was a small price to pay to be the object of Rafe’s wild, uninhibited lust. Never before had she felt so desired—or so powerful, strange as that might seem. She craved Rafe and he craved her back, and she could see nothing wrong with that.

By the time she’d dressed in Rafe’s T-shirt and her panties, she was desperate for their separation to end. This distance between them was killing her—and they’d only been apart for thirty minutes. For her own sanity, she needed to convince him that he’d done nothing wrong and that her love and desire for him remained steadfast. After the emotional roller coaster of the past twenty-four hours, she needed Rafe by her side. He was the only thing keeping her sane right now.

She didn’t even want to imagine what being separated from Rafe would do to her after thirty hours. Or thirty days. She shuddered, too afraid of the implications to pursue that train of thought any farther. She would worry about the future later. Right now she had to focus on the situation at hand. First they had to reestablish the trust and openness she’d thought they’d forged last night. She’d hoped that Rafe would knock on the bathroom door and initiate the conversation he’d promised they’d have, but she sensed that if she waited for him to approach her, she would be waiting a long time. So she made a decision: If Rafe wasn’t going to come to her, she would go to him. They would hash things out and repair the damage the full moon had caused.

Katie opened the bathroom door and walked into the hallway. She looked toward the kitchen and caught Rafe staring out the window next to the front door. He’d dressed in a long-sleeved thermal shirt and his hair was wet as though he’d also showered—where, she wasn’t sure. Eyes narrowed, he leaned forward so his face was only inches from the glass. Thoughts of the rift between them receded as the very real problem of vengeance-seeking werewolves came to the front.

“Do you see something?” she asked. Rafe jumped slightly, bumping into the window frame. Katie couldn’t suppress a smile as he rubbed his forehead. “Sorry.”

He barely glanced at her. “Nothing yet.”

“When do you think they’ll come?”

“I don’t know.” Rafe pulled the curtain back over the window and stepped away. He kept his eyes lowered, refusing to look at her. “I’m guessing before they transform. Question is whether they’ll let us know they’re here or not.”

“How many do you think there’ll be?” She hoped his estimate didn’t freak her out too badly.

He shrugged. “Honestly, I’m not sure. We don’t exactly have a werewolf census, so I don’t know how big their pack is. Or how many of them will be interested in initiating a fight over that wolf I killed.” Rafe peered out the window again. “I’ll be outnumbered, but hopefully my protective instinct toward you will work to my advantage.”

“Hopefully,” she echoed. Praying she wasn’t making a mistake to bring up their encounter so soon, she said, “Although I think that protective instinct is working to your disadvantage this morning.”

Rafe’s entire body tensed. “This isn’t about me being overprotective.”

“Sure it is. Why else would you insist that you’d hurt me even when I keep saying you didn’t?” Katie joined him at the window. She touched his arm as she peered outside. “By the way, coping with the thought of an army of pissed-off werewolves would be a lot easier if I knew that you and I were okay.”

He pulled her away from the window and closed the curtain. “Stay out of sight.” She raised an eyebrow, irritated by his brusque manner. He surprised her by giving her an apologetic shrug. “Please.”

Katie nodded and sat at the kitchen table. Her stomach growled at the mere thought of food. “Will you at least eat breakfast with me?”

Rafe walked to the icebox without meeting her eyes. “Do you like sausage?”

“That sounds wonderful. Any chance you could whip up some eggs, too?” It might be a long shot, but she was desperate for sustenance.

“Sure thing.” He gathered a handful of items from the icebox, then walked to the counter.

The man was a mystery. He lived in the middle of nowhere without an obvious income or access to technology, and yet he had a fully stocked kitchen in the middle of winter. “Do they have a grocery store out here?”

“There is a general store a few miles down the road. I go on occasion and stock up on what I can. But most of my food comes from hunting. And trade, with other members of the pack.”

Her last boyfriend hadn’t been able to grill a decent steak, let alone go out and kill one. To say that Rafe wasn’t her usual type was the understatement of the century. She found his self-sufficiency incredibly attractive. “A man of many talents.”

Color rose on his face as he lit the burner on the stove. “Not sure I’d go that far.”

“Well, you’re damn sure the best lover I’ve ever had. So that’s one talent. Pretty amazing kisser, too.”

Rafe closed his eyes. “Don’t.” He paused. “Just…don’t.”

“Why?” Katie stared at Rafe’s profile, willing him to look at her. “You are.”

His jaw twitched. “We shouldn’t have slept in the same bed. I knew what I would be like when I woke up this morning. I knew I’d want you again—and that it would be rough. It always is.”

“During the full moon, you mean?”

Rafe nodded, his mouth a grim line. “When werewolves f*ck close to the full moon, it’s primal and aggressive and…it’s not something I should have ever subjected you to. I’m ashamed that I did.”

“Even if I liked it?”

His lip curled in disgust. “How could you? I treated you like a piece of meat. Like a tight, wet hole for me to stick my dick inside.”

Katie tried to ignore the twinge of arousal between her legs. If not for the tortured look on his face, his words would serve as tantalizing foreplay. “When I woke up, I wanted sex. That’s why I put your cock in my mouth. That’s why I ignored you when you told me to wait. That was my choice. I wanted sex and you gave it to me. Fantastic sex.”

The sausage sizzled in the frying pan, making Katie’s stomach growl. Rafe prodded at it with a spatula, angrily. “You didn’t know what you were getting into when you decided to wake me up like that.”

“I knew the full moon was tonight and that you were worried about being too rough with me.” Katie got up and crossed the kitchen to stand beside him. He stiffened. “Rafe, you gave me a chance to say no. I didn’t. I didn’t want to.” She caressed his arm, ignoring the way he flinched at her touch. “So unless you were trying to hurt me—or wanted to hurt me, in that moment—you did nothing wrong. You did nothing that I didn’t want you to do.”

Rafe didn’t take his eyes off the skillet, silent for the span of several breaths. She’d almost decided he was going to ignore her, but then his shoulders dropped and he said, “Seeing you with your mouth on me, so beautiful and playful and sexy…I just lost control.” He stopped what he was doing and leaned heavily on the counter, exhaling. “I lost control. But I never wanted to hurt you. I would never intentionally cause you harm.”

Her chest constricted at the guilt that poured from him, so overpowering she almost couldn’t breathe. “Losing control isn’t always a bad thing. Not when you’re with someone you trust.” She curled her fingers around his. “You told me that if I hurt, you feel pain.” Ducking her head to force eye contact, she said, “Did you feel pain when you were f*cking me?”

His throat bobbed. “No.”

“What did you feel?”

Rafe finally met her gaze. “Pleasure.”

“How about now?” She let the agony she felt at his torment come to the front. “What do you feel now?”

He blinked rapidly, then pulled away from her to swipe his arm over his eyes. “I ache.”

“So do I. It’s this distance between us.” Katie pulled on his shoulder so that he faced her. “If you and I are going to work, you can’t see me as this fragile, helpless human who’s going to get broken by the big, bad wolf. I’m your bond-mate. I still don’t believe that you would ever intentionally cause me pain or discomfort. Yesterday you believed the same thing.” She waited for him to relax, to understand, to accept what she was saying, but he stood rigid and stared at the floor. “Trust our bond, Rafe. Listen to what it’s telling you. Listen to me.” She took a breath. “Trust me.”

He surprised her by curling an arm around her waist to draw her into a tentative hug. When his erection bumped against her thigh, he jerked away quickly. Katie snugged in closer and returned his embrace, but Rafe remained guarded. “I just wish I’d given you the chance to actually consent.”

“You did. I consented and you knew it. Deep down, you knew.”

He set down the spatula and put his other arm around her, splaying his fingers against her lower back. “I don’t understand how you can be okay with the way I treated you this morning, especially after what those animals put you through last night. But I am listening to you, I do trust you, and I know you’re telling me the truth.” He released her with a gentle squeeze. “Doesn’t mean I want to do that to you again, though.”

Katie ran her hand down Rafe’s chest to his stomach. “I hope you don’t mean that. I’m not saying I want it to be like that every time, but once a month or so might be nice…”

A strained smile played across Rafe’s face as he turned his attention back to breakfast. “I suppose if we establish boundaries and work out the terms of the encounter beforehand…and you promise not to surprise me with good-morning blow jobs during the full moon…”

Katie patted his stomach and stepped away. “Deal.” Even now she could feel Rafe struggling to maintain an iron grip on his control. She sensed that being able to hang on to his humanity in the hours before his transformation meant everything to him, and she didn’t want to jeopardize his ability to do so. Though she wouldn’t exactly mind being bent over the counter and f*cked, she wasn’t sure their relationship could take it. “That sausage smells amazing.”

“Yeah, it does. I’m starving.” Rafe scraped the meat onto a plate, then cracked a few eggs into the pan. “How do you want your eggs?”

“Over medium, if you don’t mind.”

His shoulders relaxed. “I can do that.”

The obvious affection in his voice washed away the lingering stain of the morning’s misunderstanding. Warm all over, Katie murmured, “This is nice.”

Rafe snorted. “Really?”

“Well, impending werewolf revenge attack aside…yes.” Taking her seat, Katie propped her chin on her hand and watched Rafe flip an egg. “I’ve never dated a guy who made me breakfast the morning after.”

“Seriously?” He scoffed. “Humans.”

“Hey, watch it.” She grinned so he’d know she wasn’t really upset by his vaguely insulting dig. The look he shot back clued her in to the fact that he was actually trying to be playful. “Though to be fair, you’re right. Now that I’ve experienced being with a werewolf, I’m not sure I’d ever be able to go back to a normal human boyfriend. Even if you and I weren’t bonded.”

“You say that now, but you’ve only been with a werewolf for less than twelve hours. Let’s make it through our first full moon together and then you can decide how you feel about having a boyfriend like me.” Rafe divvied up the sausage he’d just cooked between two plates, then followed up with the eggs. “After tonight you’ll have seen the very worst aspects of being with someone like me. It may change your perspective.”

“Or it may not.”

Rafe set a plate of food in front of her, along with a glass of water. Then he brought his own food to the table and sank onto the chair to her left. “It’ll only get worse the closer we are to sunset.”

“What will?” Katie took a bite of sausage and moaned. She assumed the flavorful meat was the fruit of Rafe’s hunting efforts, which somehow made it even more delicious. “Oh, this is yummy.”

Rafe quickly took a bite of his own food. “I’ll only get worse. Especially if you keep moaning like that.”

“Oh.” Katie popped a forkful of eggs in her mouth, careful to stay silent as she appreciated the flavor. She could practically feel Rafe’s hunger for something more than food. It turned her insides to water. “I understand.”

“The closer I get to my transformation, the more…primal I become.” He shoveled another bite into his mouth and chewed voraciously. “I’m not really used to having a female around. Especially one I’m bonded to.” Rafe kept his attention locked on his plate. “If it seems like I’m keeping my distance, that’s why.”

“It’s not me, it’s you. Pretty much.”

He gave her a reluctant smile. “Pretty much.”

“I get it.” Katie caught his gaze. “Just don’t be too distant, okay? It really isn’t necessary.” She paused to chew, too hungry to slow down for conversation. “I’m not as delicate as you think I am.”

“Glad to hear it.” Polishing off the rest of his plate with astonishing speed, Rafe set down his fork and folded his hands on the table. “Because you’ll need not to be delicate tonight.”