Soul Bonded

chapter FOURTEEN



“Let’s worry about that after we get some sleep.” Rafe walked closer to the bed, but stopped a respectable distance away. He folded his arms over his bare chest, looking far more relaxed than she could understand. If he was worried about his impending transformation or her ill-preparedness when it came to defending herself from werewolves, he sure wasn’t showing it. “There’s literally nothing we can do tonight. It’s still snowing and we’re stuck here until it stops. We’ll function better if we rest now and figure out a plan later this morning.”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep.” The prospect of returning to the guest room alone—or even with Shilah—was chilling. How could she lie in bed and listen to the wind howling outside without going mad from anticipation? She was certain they would be attacked. The only question was when. Despite Alpha’s confidence that Jack’s promise to stand down was genuine, she wasn’t convinced that they wouldn’t be ambushed in the next few hours. Which was why she would feel better if she stayed with Rafe. “Not alone.”

“You can take Shilah.”

“I don’t want Shilah.” Katie hated the mild panic in her voice, a mere echo of her very real anxiety. “Do you think I could just stay in here?”

Rafe broke their eye contact with an uncomfortable smile. “Of course.”

It was obvious that he wasn’t happy about her request, but was willing to comply anyway. Katie frowned. She didn’t want to feel like she was forcing him to share his bed. Only hours ago she was frightened of the man and now she wanted nothing more than to soak up his strength and calm. But that was only if he wanted to hold her as much as she wanted to be held. She tried and failed to catch his gaze. “Unless that’s a problem.”

“It’s not a problem. Not at all.” Clad only in sweatpants—and still visibly aroused—Rafe laced his hands in front of his crotch and half-turned away from her. “If you’d like, I can stand guard in the hallway while you try to sleep.”

“No, I want you to stay with me.” Embarrassed by how forward that sounded, Katie lowered her gaze. “Besides, you need the rest, too.”

“All right.” He walked to the opposite side of the bed, hesitated, then sat on the edge of the mattress with his back to hers. She didn’t turn to face him, sensing that this conversation would be easier if she wasn’t staring into his intense green eyes. Rafe exhaled, then reached back to cover her hand with his. “Are you okay?”

She smiled at the absurdity of the question. “I’m tired, scared out of my mind, confused…at this precise moment, mostly about why holding your hand feels so good. But other than that, I’m fine.”

He gave her a gentle squeeze. “I like holding your hand, too.”

“Then why don’t you want to stay in here with me?”

“I never said I didn’t.”

She vocalized what they both already knew. “You don’t have to say something for me to know it.”

Rafe was quiet for a long time. “So you feel our bond, too? I didn’t know if it would be the same for a human.”

“I feel it.” Frightened by the admission, Katie circled back to her earlier question. “Why don’t you want to be around me?”

The nearly imperceptible hitch in Rafe’s breathing made her stomach flutter. “I do. It’s just…a little uncomfortable.”

Shocked by the subtle anguish in his voice, she succumbed to the desire to turn and look at him. “Uncomfortable how?”

He grimaced. “Slightly, you know…painful.”

At this point, Rafe’s presence provided her with endless peace and comfort. The thought that it was unpleasant for him to be around her made her heart ache. She reached for his shoulder, then startled when he flinched away. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s the moon.” He rubbed his hands on his thighs, studiously avoiding her gaze. “That and our bond. My senses are heightened right now. The animal is coming out. Being around you isn’t exactly helping.” Red-faced, he gestured at his lap. “I know you’ve noticed. Though I appreciate that you’ve had the grace not to mention it.”

“It didn’t seem like the sort of thing that ought to be mentioned.” Struck by the absurdity of the entire situation, Katie let slip an exhausted giggle. “At least not until we’ve had a few more dates.”

Rafe smiled with her, then sobered. “Obviously I would never take you without your consent, but I want you so badly it literally hurts. And I’m afraid of offending you with…” He gestured helplessly at himself. “This.”

“I’m not offended.” On the contrary, she was strangely flattered. She was pretty sure no man had ever sported an hours-long hard-on for her before. Certainly not one so attractive. Somehow, despite everything she’d been through tonight and the past week, she would be lying if she said she wasn’t at all pleased—and interested. She’d never been one to jump into bed too quickly and she was pretty sure sex should be the very last thing on her mind, but the intensity of their connection overrode any trauma she’d experienced or reservations she might have. If Rafe asked, she would probably let him have her.

Judging by his Herculean effort not to initiate more intimate contact, she doubted that was going to happen.

Katie drew back the covers on her side of the bed and crawled beneath. “I don’t want to torment you, but it would be nice to get to know you better. Considering that our souls are basically married now.”

He nodded and lay back, staying on top of the comforter. “That’s fair.” He rolled onto his side and looked into her eyes. “Ask me anything.”

Where to start? There was so much she wanted to know—about Rafe, his pack, werewolves in general. She opened her mouth to speak, then paused, considering. Though it was hardly at the top of her list, she burned with curiosity over one topic in particular. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend already?”

“There was someone when I was younger.” Rafe’s eyes darkened. “She was supposed to be my mate, but she went missing one day. I tracked her scent through the woods to a spot not far from here, but then it just…disappeared. I never saw her again. A few times after that, I’d catch a whiff of her on the breeze, but it never led anywhere. She was gone.”

Shit. “I didn’t mean to bring up a sad memory.”

He shook his head, the corner of his mouth quirking slightly. “Susan isn’t a sad memory. Her disappearance is, but it was a long time ago.” He paused. “To be honest, I’ve always suspected that one of our ‘friends from across the river’ was responsible. I couldn’t prove anything, though, and Alpha wasn’t willing to listen to my suspicions. As you just saw, he would do almost anything to avoid confrontation with that pack.”

“Why do you think it was them?”

“I don’t believe Susan would have run away like that. The pack was her family. She wouldn’t have left because she had nowhere to go. Something happened to her.” He fingered a lock of her hair, seemingly riveted by its texture. “Besides, when you live next to monsters, it’s natural to look to them when things go wrong.”

“So Alpha’s assessment that you’ve all co-existed peacefully until now…”

Rafe scoffed. “They’ve never done anything blatant enough to encourage Alpha to push back. He tells us to stay out of their way in the hope that they’ll stay out of ours. At first that just meant turning a blind eye to the humans they killed. After Susan vanished, it became clear to me that Alpha is more concerned about avoiding war than taking a stand. Frankly, I’m surprised he didn’t just kill us tonight if that’s what he thought Jack Devereaux wanted.”

“I’m so sorry, Rafe. Really.” While the thought of Rafe being with another woman made her stupidly jealous, she hated knowing that he’d suffered that kind of heartache. “Did you love her?”

“Yes.” He cupped her cheek and traced her lower lip with his thumb. “But we weren’t bonded. Very few of us ever find a bond-mate.”

“So you’re saying that what you feel for me is different than what you felt for her?”

“Very different.” Rafe rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “But you’re right. We barely know each other.”

Katie propped herself up on her elbow. “Is your Alpha bonded to his mate? You said he should know what this means.”

“No, his parents were bonded. And his father was never the same after his mother passed away.” He covered his face with his arm, no longer looking at her. “Damn it, Katie. I really am so, so sorry.”

“Because you’ve ruined me for other men?” Emboldened by the knowledge that she wasn’t being observed, Katie allowed her attention to drift lower, to Rafe’s tented sweatpants. If she really was ruined for anyone else, then wanting him was only natural. Even if it seemed really, really messed up.

“To start.” Rafe dropped his arm and caught her looking. She appreciated his grace in not mentioning it. “I’m sorry I got you into this mess. That we bonded. That I didn’t explain things to you and that you felt like you were better off running away into the night. If I’d handled any number of things differently—“

“If you hadn’t done exactly what you did, I’d be dead. So no more apologies,” Katie said. “You’re forgiven. And that’s that.”

“I appreciate that.” He entangled their fingers and looked up at the ceiling again. “But I’m not sure you should forgive me before you understand the full scope of what it means to be bonded.”

“It means that you’re my other half now. For better or worse. It means that without you, I’ll never be whole again.” She paused, watching turbulent emotion play over Rafe’s handsome face. “Did I get that right?”

“Yeah.” He lifted their joined hands to his face and kissed her knuckles. Then he closed his eyes. “They say that when one half of a bonded pair dies, often the other follows shortly after. Why, I don’t know. Maybe it’s a physical consequence of such an intense, soul-deep connection being severed.”

Katie digested that news. So if Rafe died, she would either drown in sadness or join him. Excellent. “Is that the worst of it? Our bond?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Rafe lowered their hands to rest between their bodies. “Having a bond-mate is an incredible gift, but it’s also a burden. Especially for a human, I have to imagine.” Self-loathing flickered across his face. “You didn’t ask to get hooked up with a werewolf. We have nothing in common. You don’t belong in my world. And I sure as hell don’t belong in yours.”

“Honestly? Right now I’m a lot more worried about getting attacked by angry werewolves than I am about whether or not we’re compatible.” Taking a chance, she rested her hand above his heart. The heat from his skin was scorching and his chest hair tickled her palm. Her rising desire made it hard to breathe. “As far as our bond goes, it is what it is. I feel it. I do. Which means that hating you—or even staying mad at you—is impossible. Trust me, I tried earlier and failed miserably.”

Rafe chuckled, relaxing under her touch. “That’s actually reassuring.”

“Good.” She scooted closer and rested her head on his shoulder. His body tensed right back up. Sighing, she wrapped her arm around his middle and cuddled closer. “Will you please hold me now?”

Rather than answer, Rafe eased his arm around her back. Katie closed her eyes and soaked up the intimacy of their embrace. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so comfortable with a man. It really did defy all logic. In a way, that made it easier to just go with this situation. Clearly their connection was bigger than both of them. There was no point in fighting it.

He rubbed his fingers over his arm. “How about you? You don’t have a boyfriend back in the city, do you?”

“God, no.” That was a good thing, as it turned out. What if this had happened while she was in love with someone else? That would have been tragic. “No, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me almost eight months ago. Haven’t dated anyone since. I decided to take a break from the whole relationship thing.”

“How’s that working out for you?”

She smiled at the trace of humor that had crept into his voice. “I’ll tell you in a couple days.”

“Deal.” Rafe traced nonsense patterns on her skin with his fingertips. “So…tell me what your life is like. How do you spend your time?”

“Working, mostly. I’m a graphic designer for web, mostly, but also some print. I’ve been doing contract work lately and have had some luck building a pretty impressive list of clients.” When Rafe didn’t respond, Katie raised her head and looked at him. “It allows me to work remotely from home, make my own hours. I like it.”

“I’m not sure what all of that means, but it sounds great.” He gave her a sheepish shrug. “I don’t completely cut myself off from human culture, but my knowledge is definitely limited. Computers are beyond me.”

Apparently they really didn’t have much in common. At least beyond the fact that they were attracted to each other. “How do you earn money?”

“I don’t, for the most part. I live off the land as much as possible. When I do need tools or supplies from the outside world, I barter and work odd jobs…carpentry and construction, mostly. But I don’t need much. I live a very simple life. I have a little in the way of clothing, but most of that came from Alpha.” Rafe raised an eyebrow. “I don’t wear them very often. Not unless I have guests.”

“Probably easier to change into a wolf when you’re naked,” Katie said lightly. She sobered when her words registered. Rafe was a werewolf. Just like every other man she’d met over the past twenty-four hours, each of whom scared her silly. She placed her hand flat on Rafe’s chest, amazed by how firm and muscular he was. She had to force herself not to look at his crotch again. The man was a wild animal and here she was snuggled up to his side. Yet she’d never felt safer in her life. “So…do you like it? Being a wolf?”

“It’s all I’ve ever known,” Rafe murmured. “But…yeah, I like it fine. I love running and playing with Shilah, both of us on the same level. I love being part of nature in a way that no human ever could. I love that I rarely get sick, that I’m stronger than your average man, that I heal quickly when I’m wounded. I don’t particularly love the full moon, but everything comes at a price.” He caressed her shoulder. “Right?”

“Apparently so.” Like the way she’d finally found the companionship she’d craved with a man, at the expense of her autonomy and maybe even her life. Without thinking, Katie pressed her lips to Rafe’s chest and planted a gentle kiss only inches from his nipple. He froze beneath her. “Have you ever been with a human woman before?”

“I’d never even touched one before the night I rescued you.” Rafe’s voice was strained. “Katie—“

She raised up and placed a finger against his lips. “Please don’t say whatever you’re about to say.”

He spoke anyway. “We should sleep.”

“I know.” Katie let her hand slide down to his hard belly. She had no idea what she was doing or why she felt so powerless against her hormones. This wasn’t like her. “But I’d rather keep getting to know each other.”

He caught her wrist before she could go any lower. “You had an incredibly traumatic night. You’re injured.”

“You’re right, I did. And I am.” She searched his face, hoping for some sign that he was just as swept away by their connection as she was. “There’s not one reason I should want you right now. But my body doesn’t seem to know that.”

Rafe’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. He inhaled, nostrils flaring, and closed his eyes. “You’re not making this easy, sweetheart.”

Her heart melted at the endearment. “What are you afraid of?”

“Hurting you.” He tightened his grip on her wrist. “Frightening you.”

“Is that what werewolves do in bed?” Katie bent and kissed the nipple closest to her. “Hurt their mates?”

Rafe trembled. “I would never hurt you.”

“Then show me.” She couldn’t believe she was goading him like this. She’d never been the aggressor in a physical encounter. She’d never even slept with a guy before the third date. “Show me what a wolf does with his bond-mate.”

Growling, Rafe rolled so that he was on top of her. He dragged her hands above her head and pressed them against the mattress, lowering his face so it was only inches from hers. Katie’s chest heaved as she reacted to the pleasure of his heavy weight pinning her down. She shouldn’t enjoy it. Not after the biter and his blond friend from earlier. But she did. God help her, she did.

“You’re wet.” Rafe kissed her neck and ground his hips into her.

Despite her assertiveness, Katie blushed. “Yes.”

“I can smell it.” He nipped at her earlobe. “Your scent has been driving me crazy for hours.”

“Crazy enough to believe me when I say I want this?” She licked her lips as she stared up at him. “And that I might explode if you don’t kiss me?”

Rafe’s breathing grew ragged. “I thought you didn’t want to make our bond any stronger.”

“Does it really matter? Is there any undoing this?”

His gaze strayed to her mouth. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Then please. I feel so empty.” She lifted her head, straining for a kiss. She felt wanton and desperate and needy and for whatever reason, she didn’t care. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except sating the hunger that was eating her alive. “Kiss me, Rafe. Please.”

His mouth crashed down onto hers.