Soul Bonded

chapter TWENTY-ONE



After all Rafe’s talk about taking her, she expected to find herself on her back and full of werewolf cock as soon as his lips touched hers. What she got instead was a show of incredible restraint: Rafe pulled her into his arms, cupped her breast tenderly in his hand, and explored her mouth with deliberate passion while she clutched at his T-shirt and fought not to pull him down on top of her. The kiss lasted only a few sweet moments before he released her and backed away.

He averted his gaze and licked his lips. “I like protecting you.”

Katie touched her mouth with her fingers, already missing him. “That was really nice.”

“It was difficult to stop.” Apparently determined not to tempt fate, Rafe not only closed his eyes but turned away as well. “Very difficult.”

“You didn’t have to stop.” She braced herself for the potential consequence of her words. She was desperate for Rafe, even knowing that any coupling they might engage in now would be influenced by the powerful sway of the full moon. She knew it could be rough. Maybe even a little violent. But if it felt half as good as their wake-up sex, she was ready. “Maybe you just need to give yourself permission to do what comes naturally. And trust that if I can’t handle it, you’ll know. You’ll know and you’ll respect that.”

Rafe shuddered. “I think right now we’d better stick to kissing—at least until I get better control over what you do to me.”

“Fair enough.” She bit her lip, hesitant to say more. But like Rafe only minutes ago, she caved almost instantly. “You know, we’ll have to figure out how to be intimate during the full moon if we’re going to be together.” She held up her hand to forestall Rafe’s protest. “If we’re going to be together.”

“I know.” Rafe cleared his throat. “That’s why I kissed you. To try and figure it out.”

“Good. Don’t hesitate to try again if the mood strikes.”

He chuckled and rubbed his hands on his knees. “I won’t.”

Katie leaned away from Rafe and snuck a glance toward the front door. The knowledge that Lisa and her pack mates had congregated outside like a bunch of college kids waiting for a concert to begin was unsettling, even if she was pretty sure that they wouldn’t attempt to engage them until after the sun set. If the other pack had planned to disobey their alpha, they would have ambushed them from the start.

“I want you to carry the revolver with you today.” He touched her knee, but quickly withdrew. “Take it everywhere you go.”

“I will.” She tucked her legs beneath her on the couch, getting comfortable. “So other than boarding up the windows, what do we have planned for the rest of the afternoon? Looks like more target practice is out.” She gave Rafe a playful wink. “I’m assuming sex is as well.”

Rafe clearly struggled not to rise to her baiting. He clenched his fists in his lap, nostrils flaring, and took deep breaths before answering. The agony on his face shamed her for toying with his self-control. Flirting even mildly with him was flat-out cruel—she could see it in his every movement. She had to stop doing it, if she cared for him at all.

Before she could apologize, Rafe gathered his composure and spoke gruffly. “We could talk about tonight some more.”

“Is it okay if we talk about something else for a little while?” She worried he would chide her for being silly. Because what was more important than preparing to defend their lives, right?

But he simply nodded. “What do you want to talk about?”

She hadn’t thought that far ahead. All she knew was that she didn’t want to think about being brutalized for just a little while. As she studied the strong lines of Rafe’s face, she realized that there was only one thing she wanted to know about. “You.”

“Me?” She couldn’t tell whether he was pleased or embarrassed by the suggested topic.

“Of course. I want to know everything about you.” She considered where to start. The fact that his upbringing obviously didn’t resemble hers in any way piqued her curiosity. “What were you like as a kid?”

Rafe’s expression turned to stone. “Angry.”

That surprised her. “Just angry? All the time?”

“Most of the time.” He hesitated, choosing his words deliberately. “My mother died when I was three years old. At the time she and my father lived right outside of town. One full moon, a human shot and killed my mother. The man swore he thought she was a wolf attacking his sheep. The dead sheep bolstered his story. When the police started to investigate, my father felt that he had no choice but to take me and disappear. That’s when we joined the pack. My dad blamed himself because he’d insisted on living among humans, because he loved human culture and technology. He didn’t want to live in the woods like an animal just because he spent part of his life as one.”

“I’m so sorry, Rafe.” Her heart ached for the little boy Rafe had been, who’d been forced to grow up without his mother. She despaired that he couldn’t currently tolerate physical contact, because she burned to hold him. “So that’s why your father became a separatist?”

“Yeah.” He stretched his legs out across the cushions. She mirrored his action so that they rested side-by-side, their lower bodies touching from opposite ends of the sofa. Rafe tangled his fingers with hers, holding her hand loosely as he spoke. “He didn’t hate humans, he just realized how dangerous they could be. I remember he always used to tell me that humans weren’t bad, just different. And that they didn’t understand us…and we didn’t want them to.”

“Was it a difficult transition for him to make, living out here?” She gestured around at the rustic cabin. “I mean, this is a pretty rough lifestyle for a guy used to living with the modern conveniences.”

“Yeah, it was hard on him.”

Deep pain lurked beneath his words, hinting at greater adversity than simply losing his mother. She sensed that whatever had caused it was also the source of his childhood anger. “Did something happen?”

If Rafe was surprised by the direct question, he didn’t show it. “The pack was different back then. Our alpha was a guy named Cain. If you thought the Alpha you met last night was a hard-ass, then Cain would have scared the hell out of you. He was a huge guy, hairy, incredibly strong. He hated humans. He didn’t go out and hunt them like Jack Devereaux’s boys do, but he clearly felt that humans occupied a lower rung on the food chain. To him, separatism wasn’t just a philosophy. It was an immutable law.”

“So you’re saying I should be glad I missed out on his reign.”

“You would be dead if he was still our Alpha.” Rafe spoke quietly, staring at her as though nothing else existed in the world except the two of them. “I would be too, for helping you.”

The more she learned about Rafe and his culture, the better she appreciated what he’d risked when he’d decided to save her life. “That seems like a pretty extreme punishment for being humane.”

“It was.”

His word choice and somber tone didn’t pass unnoticed. Nor did the slight flaring of his nostrils, or the tightening of his jaw. She knew without asking that they were touching on a painful memory. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Rafe’s mouth quirked into a rueful half-smile. “If you want to know about me, we probably should.”

“Okay.” She sat patiently and waited for him to reveal whatever it was that shaped him as a person. He clearly had some sympathy for human life and had exhibited a willingness to risk his own safety to protect it, despite being raised in an environment where such a thing would have been discouraged, even punished. Why?

“When I was seven years old, my father found a pair of hikers who’d gotten lost in the woods a few miles from here. They were college kids, unprepared for the elements, and they managed to get turned around and couldn’t find their car for a week. By then they were out of food and struggling to find water. If Dad hadn’t found them and brought them home, they would have died within the next couple of days.” Rafe’s gaze took on a faraway quality, the memory tugging at his lips. “I remember one of the hikers had this wristwatch. Star Wars…there was some kind of robot on the face. I thought it was cool so the kid gave it to me, to show my father his gratitude for saving their lives.”

“Your father sounds like a good man.”

“He was the most decent guy I’ve ever known.” Rafe rubbed his thumb over her knuckles, once again in the present. “Anyway, Cain happened to stop by our place the morning after my father found those hikers. He came in and they were eating at our kitchen table and he just…” He shuddered. “He exploded. He killed one of the boys—the one who’d given me his watch—before I could even move. There was blood everywhere…all over me, all over breakfast.”

Recalling Rafe’s tender age, Katie sucked in a breath. “Oh, no.”

“I froze in shock, but my father…well, I’d never seen him that upset. He dove in front of the other boy and shielded him with his body. He told Cain that he couldn’t stand back and let him murder two innocent kids, and begged him to think about what he was doing.” Rafe took a steadying breath. “So then Cain grabbed me.”

Katie’s stomach turned over. “Rafe…”

“He put his arm across my throat, cutting off my air. I thought he was going to kill me. So did my father. I could see it in his eyes.” A raucous cheer arose from outside, setting Rafe on instant alert. He glanced warily over his shoulder at the front door. “Cain wasn’t a killer because he got off on it, like them.” He swallowed and refocused on her. “He told my father that by bringing those boys into our home, he’d put my life in danger. Dad insisted that they had no idea what we were and so there was no danger in saving their lives. He had planned to send them on their way that morning, none the wiser. But Cain wouldn’t hear it. He said that any time we interacted with humans, we put ourselves at risk. And that he was trying to help my father understand how serious the pack was about our no-contact rule.”

“You must have been terrified.” Her heart broke for the little boy who’d been used as a pawn in such a deadly game. “What did your father do?”

“Cain told him he had a choice: kill the boy, or Cain would kill me. He wanted my father to truly accept that it was the human’s life or mine, so that he would never be tempted to assist a human again.” Rafe’s emotion rose and tears actually welled in his eyes. “My father wasn’t a killer. He didn’t even like to hunt. If we hadn’t needed to in order to eat, he wouldn’t have. But when Cain gave him that ultimatum, I watched my father’s face change. All of a sudden that boy didn’t matter anymore. I did.” He cleared his throat, straightening. “The boy saw it, too. The whole time he’d been sobbing and cowering behind my father, but as soon as Cain said that, he took off running for the door. My father tore his throat out before he’d made it five feet away.”

Katie exhaled shakily. “That must have been difficult for him. Not making the decision, but living with having taken that boy’s life.”

“He didn’t have to live with it very long.”

Her free hand flew to her mouth. “No…”

Barely suppressed rage simmered beneath Rafe’s almost deadly calm. “Cain tossed me aside and jumped onto my father. Beat him to death right in front of me with the same cast-iron skillet Dad had used to prepare breakfast that morning.”

Katie literally felt like she would be sick. She put her hand on her stomach and exhaled uneasily. It took all her strength to open her mouth and speak. “I can’t believe you had to see that. You were just a baby.”

“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Rafe scooted closer and curled his fingers around her ankle. “Take deep breaths.”

When you hurt, I feel pain. She bowed her head and focused on not losing her breakfast. “This is from you?”

“Partially, at least.” Rafe rubbed her calf, then gave her a tender squeeze. “This is a traumatic memory and I’ve never talked about it before. It’s…intense. You’re obviously picking up on my pain. That’s how the bond works. For better or worse.”

The urge to be sick receded, but a hollow ache remained. “It’s not just our bond. That’s an awful thing for anyone to have to witness. It’s not hard to imagine why you were so angry.”

“I stood there paralyzed the entire time Cain was killing my father. It was only after he was dead that I unfroze. I shifted—I was just a puppy then—and went after Cain like a full grown wolf. He had me pinned almost instantly. He just held me down until I was too tired to fight anymore. When I started to sob, he told me that as my alpha, it was his job to protect me. And that because my father had failed to do so, he’d had no choice but to put him down.” Though this part of Rafe’s story was no less tragic than the beginning, he kept his tone neutral and he seemed distant from the emotion he described—like he was protecting her from it. She covered his hand with hers, keeping them connected as he continued speaking. “He took me home with him. Told me he’d raise me as his own and teach me to be a ‘real’ wolf.”

“Did he?”

“I lived with him for only a week. The entire time, he just kept telling me how weak my father had been. That he was a disgrace to the pack, that he’d failed me. When I cried that first night with him, he beat me until I literally couldn’t cry any more. And then he beat me every night after that, until the day Cooper and our current Alpha—whose name is Derek—came to see him.”

Katie desperately hoped this was the turning point in Rafe’s story. She couldn’t bear to think of the suffering his former alpha had caused. This was an authority figure, a man he was supposed to have been able to trust. No wonder Rafe had grown up so angry. “Did they know what Cain was doing to you?”

“They figured it out pretty quickly. They knew he’d killed my father.” Rafe met her eyes. “Despite the brutality of the beatings I endured, my healing ability meant that there wasn’t a scratch on me. It didn’t matter, though. I think it was obvious that I was terrified of him.”

“So what did they do?”

“Derek told Cain that he thought maybe I should stay with him or Cooper for a while. That after what had happened, I needed some time to grieve and recover. Cain told Derek that I was a weak little p-ssy because my father had raised me that way, and that it was up to him and him alone to straighten me out.” His mouth twitched as he no doubt relived that day. “That’s when Derek challenged him—his leadership. Apparently Cain’s punishment for my father was extremely polarizing for a pack already beset by political unrest.”

“So that’s how Derek became your Alpha?”

Rafe nodded. “Cain had no choice but to fight him. They went outside in front of Cain’s place, where most of the rest of the pack was waiting. The fight lasted for probably fifteen minutes, but it felt like forever. I was scared about what would happen if Cain won. The entire time I thought about shifting into a wolf and just running as fast and as far as my legs could take me. But I knew I’d never survive on my own. I wasn’t exactly a city kid, but I wasn’t a survivalist, either.”

“And you were only seven.”

“Yeah,” Rafe murmured. “I was seven.”

It was difficult to wrap her head around the idea that Rafe had witnessed at least three separate killings within a week, all at such a tender age. When she was seven, her biggest concern had been how to convince her parents to adopt a kitten. They had, of course, because they were amazing parents who’d given her the kind of childhood Rafe no doubt couldn’t imagine. Eyes stinging, Katie came forward onto her knees and threw her arms around Rafe, gathering him in a tight embrace. He returned her hug, no doubt on instinct, but stiffened. Aware that she’d once again crossed the line and made him uncomfortable, she reluctantly pulled away. “Sorry.”

“No need to apologize.” He caressed her cheek, staring at her with an expression of pure wonder. “I’m okay, you know. It was a long time ago.”

Katie sniffled, nodding rapidly. “I know. I just wish…” She hesitated. “I wish I’d known you then.”

Rafe chuckled and dropped his hand to entwine their fingers. “You wouldn’t have liked me much. I was a bad boy.”

“I doubt that.”

Scoffing, Rafe said, “Well, I wasn’t a good boy.”

“I imagine you were a troubled boy.” Unable to stay away, Katie traced his jaw line with her thumb. “And who could blame you?”

“After Cain was killed, I got passed around to various members of the pack. I’d stay a month here, three months there, but I never had a permanent home again.” He gestured at their surroundings with unmistakable pride. “Not until I built this place when I was seventeen years old.”

“Seventeen?” Katie was floored. “I wasn’t even doing my own laundry at seventeen.”

Rafe smiled. “I grew up fast. It wasn’t what I would have chosen, but I had to. After my father died, my childhood ended. Don’t get me wrong…my pack-mates were good to me. They kept me alive at a time when I had no survival skills and no kin, but after Dad died, I had to look out for myself. I was no one’s first priority. And I didn’t trust anyone, least of all those with authority.”

“What about Susan? When did you meet her?” She tried to keep her tone light, hating the jealousy that swept through her at the thought of Rafe loving another woman. It was almost painful to think of him with someone else.

“I was sixteen. She was twenty-two.” The warmth in his eyes hinted at the importance of Susan’s place in his early life. It wasn’t difficult to understand why. With no family, a lover must have quickly become the center of his world. “She just turned up one day—no family, no friends—looking for the security and protection of a pack. Alpha agreed to let her join. I was living with him at that time, and he put her in the bedroom next to mine for a few months. We hit it off almost immediately. She was my first everything.”

Any jealousy she’d been harboring dissipated at the realization that Susan had been a friend for Rafe at a time when he’d clearly felt totally alone in the world. “I can’t imagine how devastated you must have been when she disappeared.”

“I was destroyed. I built this cabin for us. I thought we would grow old here together, maybe have some pups. But we only lived here for two months.” He stopped talking suddenly, giving her a careful sidelong glance. “It was a very long time ago.”

Knowing he was concerned about her reaction to the talk of his long lost love, Katie shook her head. She wasn’t worried about competition. Rafe belonged to her, and she to him. The only thing she felt about Susan was sorrow that her disappearance had caused young Rafe yet another heartbreak. “Have you been alone since?”

“Yeah.”

She recalled Rafe’s confession the night before when she’d asked about condoms. He’d wanted babies with Susan, and now he wasn’t sure that he could impregnate her. That kept spontaneous sex nice and simple, but it also meant they couldn’t fulfill the dreams Rafe once had. Dreams that she had, as well. “Do you still want pups?”

He avoided her gaze. “I told you I don’t think that’s possible for us.”

“But if it were?”

Rafe’s jaw tightened. Before he could speak, a muffled thump drew their attention to the front door. A louder thud brought both Rafe and Shilah to their feet. Rafe held up his hand as he walked to the door. “Stay there.”

Katie huddled on the couch, happy to obey. “Be careful.”

Rafe walked to the door and looked out the peephole. Then he jerked back as another thump shattered the quiet. Glowering, Rafe stalked back and forth a few times before peeking out again. “They’re throwing snowballs.”

Her instinct was to giggle at the absurdity of their weapon of choice, but Rafe’s obvious frustration took the humor out of the situation. “Ignore them.”

Rafe let out a truly inhuman growl and pounded his fist against the door. “F*ck them.”

Fury poured off him in palpable waves. Without thinking, Katie got off the couch and walked to stand behind him. Her only desire was to soothe Rafe’s temper, to somehow draw him back inside their own private bubble. With so little time before he transformed, she didn’t want to spend even a moment wallowing in anger and frustration about the situation outside. She touched his shoulder. “Come sit with me.”

He shrugged away from her. “I need to go outside to get some supplies so I can secure the windows. Do you have the gun?”

“It’s on the coffee table.” Katie didn’t like the idea of Rafe coming face-to-face with Lisa and her thugs while he was so upset. “Rafe, the windows can wait. Let’s finish our conversation.”

Rafe whirled around and stared her down. “Like hell it can wait. And I told you to keep that gun on you. At all times.”

She didn’t know what else to do but answer his anger with tenderness. Moving slowly, Katie looped her arms around Rafe’s neck and rested her head against his chest. His heart hammered beneath her ear as his entire body vibrated with fiery rage. Afraid that he would fly apart at the seams, Katie squeezed him as tightly as she dared. Eyes closed, she put every ounce of her concentration into passing calm, soothing energy from her chest into Rafe’s. She had no idea what she was doing, but there was no denying that Rafe been able to create a palpable effect on her mood by doing something similar. Even if she wasn’t supernatural, maybe it went both ways.

She felt the change immediately. His shoulders loosened and his breathing evened out. His hands came up and splayed across her back, possessive and reverent at the same time. He spun them in place so her back was against the door, then leaned against her with a shudder. She buried her face in his neck, stroking her hands over his shoulders. Another snowball hit the door, but she didn’t react—nor did Rafe. He just leaned into her harder, breathing deeply as his heart rate eased.

Relieved that she’d somehow defused the situation, Katie reached up to play with the fine hairs on the back of his neck. “I’m enjoying getting to know you better. Let’s keep doing that for just a while longer.” She kissed the side of his throat. “Please.”

He bumped his hips into hers and rumbled deep in his chest. Still rock hard, for once he didn’t pull back when his cock pressed into her belly. A moan slipped out from between her lips unbidden, a trill of pleasure skittering up her spine. Her arousal triggered an instant change in their embrace. Rafe slid his hands around her waist to her lower back, then moved down to squeeze her ass. His fingers sought out the cleft of her buttocks, exploring her through her pants. Breathing that had slowed turned ragged as Rafe’s touch grew more demanding.

She couldn’t allow things to get out of control. Not unless she was prepared to risk another round of Rafe’s self-flagellation. Summoning her will, Katie put her hand on Rafe’s chest and gently pushed him away. At first she thought he wouldn’t go, but after a moment of resistance, he retreated. Nostrils flaring, he stared at her with hungry, entreating eyes.

Once green eyes that now glowed unearthly amber.