Sins and Scarlet Lace

chapter THREE

Six Months Later…

Sophia stared at the empty house she’d once shared with her husband and realized she didn’t have one good memory of the place in the five years she’d lived there.

She’d lived there mostly alone as Kane hadn’t wanted much to do with her once he’d married her, but the times he had come home… she shuddered and reminded herself it was best not to go there. He’d only touched her twice during their marriage. The first time on their wedding night. The second time when she’d told him she wanted a divorce. Neither experience had been pleasant.

The boxes on the table still needed to be taped, so she found the roll and closed them up methodically, labeling each one as she went. She’d been lucky to find a buyer for the house, even if she’d had to take a lower offer. The important thing was that she had enough to pay off her debt and just enough to see her through until she found a new job.

If she found a new job. No one wanted to hire a criminal. And trying to explain to would-be employers that it had all been a misunderstanding got her nowhere.

It had been months since they’d cleared her of the charges of conspiring with her husband in treasonous acts, conspiracy to murder, and laundering half a billion dollars that was doused in the blood of some of America’s finest.

The government had no proof and she’d passed their tests, so after weeks of being contained in one small room with nothing more than a bed and her own company, they’d finally had to let her go. But not before she’d lost her job and had most of her assets seized.

The bank had called the loan on her house so she’d had no choice but to sell. She could only be grateful her mother had left her the little house she’d owned up until her death a couple of years before. Her father had passed away the year after she and Kane had married, and she didn’t have any other family. That house was her saving grace and the only place she had left to go. If she was lucky, she could find a job as a waitress or as a cashier somewhere. She couldn’t afford to be picky.

The sound of a car pulling into her driveway had her grabbing for the rifle she habitually kept by the door. It had certainly worked at chasing off Kane, and it worked even better on nosy reporters. Someday she hoped they’d get the hint and leave her alone.

But when she stepped onto the front porch with the rifle in her hand, the last person she expected to see was Declan. He got out of the black Jeep and raised his brows when she pointed the rifle in his direction.

“Are you going to shoot me?” he asked.

“I’m undecided. Are you here to take me back in?”

He sighed and she realized he looked tired, but she knew looks could be deceiving. She’d lived with a consummate actor, and as far as she was concerned Declan and Kane had been cut from the same cloth. His gaze landed on the Sold sign that was staked in her front yard.

“I’m glad you were able to sell. I wish you’d let me help you.”

“You had your chance. You’d be the last person I’d take help from. What do you want, Dec?”

“I needed to see you,” he said.

The gun wavered in her hands and she lowered it some so he wouldn’t notice how the words affected her. There was nothing left between them but bitter memories and regret.

“You’ve seen me. Now leave.”

“Soph, I need to explain why I was there. Why I had to be so hard on you.”

“I don’t want to hear explanations. I want you to leave. I can tell by looking at you that you feel guilty.” Bitterness tinged her voice even though she tried not to let him see how betrayed she felt. “There’s no reason to feel guilty. You had a job to do, and we’re no longer the people we used to be. No harm, no foul. You only took part in destroying my life. Again.”

“I was going to ask you to marry me when I came home from that last mission,” he said.

She sobbed out a laugh and felt the hysteria bubbling inside of her. “Don’t you dare say that, you bastard. Not after all this. The least you owe me is honesty. I suppose next you’ll tell me you sent me away and told me you didn’t love me anymore for my own good.”

“I thought I was protecting you. The last thing I wanted was for you to be dragged into this kind of life, where someone will kill you just as easily as they blink. It’s not what you deserved. I know you probably don’t believe me.”

Tears ran down her face freely now and he was just a blur in her vision. She leaned against the porch column as all her strength seemed to drain from her bones.

“No, I don’t believe you. You killed me that day, Dec. The scars you left on me are just as permanent as the one on your face.”

She meant to hurt him, to lash out, but he didn’t even flinch at her words.

“I know, and it was too late to do anything about it by the time I realized I’d made the biggest mistake of my like. You were already in love with Kane and I’d lost my chance.”

“I was never in love with Kane,” she screamed. “I was just a mark to him. Did you know he romanced me like you did? What did you tell him about us? He knew how to get to me. How to make me believe that there were other men like you out there. It didn’t matter that the physical connection wasn’t there. I told myself he was a good man and that’s all I could really ask for. And I decided that if he was a good man then I could probably grow to love him one day.”

She swiped at the tears on her face, clearing her vision, but Declan still stood in front of her as stoic as ever. She wasn’t sure he was capable of emotion. He’d proven that when he’d relentlessly questioned her for weeks to try to prove her guilt.

“He hated you,” she said. “Did you know that?”

Declan’s voice was tight when he answered. “I got the idea once we started going through his personal belongings.”

“I didn’t realize how deep his jealousy went. Hell, I didn’t even know the two of you were friends until I saw you at the wedding. Stupid me.”

“Not you, Sophia. Never you. He fooled us all.”

“He raped me on our wedding night.” The words came out of nowhere, and she wasn’t even sure she’d said them aloud, but the stiffening of Declan’s posture and the barely restrained fury on his face assured her she had. “And the whole time he held me down—” She paused to gasp in a breath through her sobs. “The whole time he made me say your name. He made me think of you. So I’d remember the choice I’d made, and that I’d never have you again.”

“Sophia—”

He took a step forward, but she lifted the gun again, her hand steadier this time. “No,” she yelled. “Stay right where you are.”

Declan moved back to where he was, but she could tell he wasn’t happy about it.

“He liked to play games. To mess with my mind until I was jumping at shadows.” Her laugh was bitter. “I guess it’s what all of you super spies are good at. But I’m nobody’s doormat. Not yours or Kane Huxley’s. But God, it was a relief when they knocked on my door and told me he was dead. I thought everything would finally be okay.”

“None of it matters now,” she said. “What matters is that he was a monster and I’m going to be paying the consequences of marrying him for the rest of my life. You and Kane are the same person in my eyes. You manipulate and make decisions for people without care or thought to their feelings. Maybe it’s your line of work, or maybe it’s just your basic character. Who the hell knows? But I know I’m purging my life of the Kane Huxleys and Declan MacKenzies in my life. Now get off my property.”

He stayed exactly where he was and kept his gaze steady on her. “You loved me once, Sophia. And no matter what I told you then, I loved you too. That never changed, and I hated myself for having to hurt you. But I thought it would keep you alive. You can try to tell yourself you hate me, and God knows I have a lot to answer for, but you know what we had was never a lie.”

She pulled the trigger and felt the kick of the rifle in her hands. A plume of dust went up at Declan’s feet, but he didn’t try to dodge or duck out of the way.

“I said get off my property.”

He nodded, but she could see the understanding and sorrow in his eyes, and she wanted nothing more than to run into his arms, just to be held and told everything would be okay. It had been so long since she’d been held. But she couldn’t take a chance on him again. Not after he’d let her be taken to that cell.

“You’ve forgotten one thing, Soph. I know you didn’t take the money, but that doesn’t mean others think the same way. Until it’s found, you’ll always be a target for someone. Who’s going to protect you if not me?”

“I can protect myself just like I am now.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m going to let you deal with it alone. I’ll be here if you need me. That’s a promise.”

“I needed you once, Declan. Those days are over.”

He nodded again and smiled sadly. “I’m glad he didn’t kill your spirit.” He opened the door of the Jeep. “It was what I loved most about you.”

Sophia waited until he backed out of the drive and rode out of her life before she went back inside and closed the door softly behind her. She dried her tears and went back to packing her things. It was her life, and it was time she started living it.