Sins and Scarlet Lace

chapter NINE

Declan refused to give in and let his body have the relief it needed, so a few hours later he was still rock hard and so sensitive that even the soft cotton of his briefs made him ache. He was determined that he wouldn’t let himself come until he was buried inside Sophia. He could, and would, wait until she was ready for him. If it didn’t kill him first.

“Soph, we need to get a move on,” he called out as he packed up his laptop and filled another duffel bag with a few necessities, like extra ammunition and the box of condoms Darcy had jokingly left for him when she’d delivered the clothes for Sophia.

“I’m ready,” she said from behind him.

He turned to look at her and his dick jerked painfully in his pants. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, showing off the classic lines of her face, and she wore little white shorts that had his mouth watering and a yellow halter top that made him realize she couldn’t possibly be wearing a bra. He wanted to curse and thank Darcy all at the same time.

Sophia had a backpack slung over her shoulder and not a stitch of makeup on her face. Dark circles rested beneath her eyes and she was pale, but she was still the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. He’d been away from her too long. He should have checked on her during her marriage to Kane. If he had, he would have caught Kane in his lies a long time ago, but he’d been too afraid to see her again—afraid to face the reality that she might be happy with another man, living the same life she was supposed to have with him. So he’d stayed away, and always turned down the dinner invitations Kane would occasionally throw out.

“How long will it take us to get to Surrender?”

“If we were flying it would take a few hours. But we’re going to drive, and we’re going to take the long way just in case, so it’ll take a couple of days. I’ve already alerted my brother and his team, so that’ll give them extra time to get there and set up a perimeter watch.”

“Which brother is this and why does he have a team?”

Declan grinned and slung his own pack over his shoulder. “My youngest brother Shane. He’s a Navy SEAL commander and his skills come in handy for our offices from time to time. I don’t think you’ve ever met him before.”

“No, he wasn’t at the hospital. I believe he was out of the country when you were first flown in, and your mom said she didn’t know how to get in contact with him.”

“He knew what had happened. Word gets around when you’re out on assignment like that, but he couldn’t leave the mission he’d been sent to do. It’s part of the job description.”

“You have so much family it’s hard to keep them all straight. I remember thinking at the time that it was odd that’s the first time I’d ever met all of them, except for Darcy, and that’s only because she showed up on your doorstep unannounced one day. And then I realized later I should have seen the writing on the wall when you didn’t want me to meet your family. Hindsight is easy to see, I guess.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want you to meet my family,” he said. “But I’ve learned to live cautiously over the years. My family is something I’d never compromise, just like you are, and I knew at the time that it would be better to keep those worlds separated. There’s a price on my head in sixteen countries, Soph, and I live with the shadow of that every day, wondering each morning if it’ll finally be the time when my past catches up to me.”

She stayed silent as they went down the elevator to the garage level, but he could practically hear the wheels turning in her head. He hit the remote start for the military upgraded black Hummer in the corner and waited a few seconds before they approached and loaded their bags in the back.

It wasn’t until they were buckled in and pulling into the late morning D.C. traffic that she finally said what was on her mind.

“Why would you risk your family now after you’ve gone to such lengths to keep them safe?”

He checked his rearview mirror and noticed Gabe pull in a few cars back in a silver sedan. His friend was a cautious man, and the fact he hadn’t gotten on the plane back to London and his own business meant he had a bad feeling.

“Haven’t you figured it out yet?”

“What?”

“You’re my family too, Soph. You always have been.”



***



They’d been in the car almost sixteen hours by the time they crossed the Minnesota border. Tension crackled across Sophia’s skin more with every mile they drove, driving her to the point of exhaustion. They’d stopped for food and bathroom breaks along the way, but hardly any conversation had been made after he’d dropped his bombshell.

She sure as hell hoped he hadn’t treated his real family as badly as he’d treated her. The declaration was almost laughable. It didn’t matter that a part of her had softened after the statement. God, was she that needy for affection that she’d believe any lie to roll off his tongue? Had she not learned her lesson the first two times?

“We need to find a place to grab a few hours sleep,” Dec said.

She didn’t know if she’d been dozing or only in a half-sleep daze, but she rolled the stiffness out of her neck and pushed herself up in the seat. The clock on the dashboard said it was a minute after three in the morning.

“Too bad I didn’t pack my tent,” she said sarcastically. There were no buildings or signs of civilization that she could see. The road was only lighted by the headlights on the Hummer, and the black shadows of pastureland whirred past them in a blur as Declan sped along the vacant highway. At least she thought it was a highway.

As if reading her mind Declan answered her. “I took a back way. This road will lead to a little town in another few minutes or so. They’ve got a place I’ve stayed at before.”

“Isn’t that against some kind of spy code to stay at the same place twice?”

She saw the gleam of white teeth from the corner of her eye as he smiled. He controlled the car like he did everything else—with precision. She knew he hated to make mistakes, and he pushed himself with a ruthless determination that made it seem like moving mountains was possible as long as Declan MacKenzie was behind it.

“Only if you go twice as the same person. Believe me, no one will recognize me.”

She didn’t know what to say to that so she kept quiet, but eventually her curiosity got the best of her.

“What do you tell your family? I don’t see how you lived this life for that long and no one knew what you were involved in. It doesn’t seem right to keep that big a secret from the people you’re supposed to love the most.”

She felt his sigh more than heard it, and she fully expected him to blow her off or answer with a non-answer.

“What you’re really wondering is how you never suspected Kane was involved in the same kind of life.”

Sophia opened her mouth to deny it, but she realized he was right. “Maybe I am.”

“It’s nothing you would or should have realized, Soph. It wouldn’t have made any difference. Kane was trained, we were all trained, to be whoever we needed to be. Lies become the reality, and the adrenaline fuels the mysterious persona that some of the agents get off on—not all—but some.”

“A different woman in every city, a different backstory, a different look. It becomes its own kind of addiction. Believe me, Kane knew everything about you from the moment he decided to make you his mark. He knew every aspect of our relationship and the fastest way to reel you in.”

“That certainly makes me feel better,” she said, rubbing her hands along her arms to ward off the chill. She watched a large billboard pass by that said the exit for the next town was only 2.1 miles away.

“Ninety-nine percent of agents I know and have worked with over the years are good men and women, just like when I was in the Marines ninety-nine percent of the soldiers were honorable and wanted to make a difference. I’ve watched their backs and they’ve watched mine. We don’t live the lie because we enjoy hurting our families. We do it because we want to protect them. Most people aren’t wired to handle the atrocities that take place on a day-to-day basis.”

“But you are?” She turned in her seat to face him, but he didn’t glance her way.

“Yeah, I guess I am. But I’ve also been fortunate to have the family I do. The MacKenzies come from a long line of lawmen in some capacity or another, all the way back to my however many times great-grandfather who was one of the first U.S. Marshals. And when wars were started the MacKenzies picked up their weapons and joined in the fight to protect what was theirs.”

“Hell, I had two brothers and a cousin all enlisted at the same time I was before I was recruited by the CIA, so my family knew something was going on I couldn’t talk about. I can’t tell you how many times I came across my brothers while on a mission in some godforsaken part of the world. But they never asked me questions because they knew I would hate lying to them, and we managed to coexist until I left and opened MacKenzie Security. I’ve handpicked my men, and I’d trust them with my life. Even better, I’d trust them with my family’s life.”

“Would you have recruited Kane to work for you if he hadn’t died and what he’d done hadn’t been exposed?”

He was silent for a long while, and he slowed the car and took the exit when they came upon it. The town was still as a tomb at that time of the night, but they were at least back in civilization. Lights from a corner gas station glowed yellow onto the vacant streets and gleamed off the hoods of parked cars.

There were two stoplights in town, both of them hanging from a single wire that stretched across the road, and a smattering of small businesses lined each side of the street. The largest sign in town was just past the second light and it said The Lodge in neon orange letters. The registration office was an A-frame log cabin, and it was surrounded by smaller log cabins that looked like something a pre-schooler would make from Lincoln Logs. They all had flat roofs and they formed a U-shape around the main office.

The lot was full of cars, but Declan found one in the back row and pulled in next to an old pickup truck covered in bumper stickers. He turned off the ignition, and Sophia put her hand on the door to open it and escape the tension.

She froze when he finally spoke.

“No,” he finally said. “I wouldn’t have asked him to join the team.” His gaze was steady on hers and she sat back in her seat, watching him closely.

“Why not?”

“Because he knew how I felt about you, even after all that time. I’d wondered once or twice if he did it on purpose. If he talked about you in such detail because he wondered how I’d react, but then I ignored the feeling, blaming my own jealousy for making it seem over the top. I told myself he was a man who loved his wife and I needed to do what I’d been trained to do to survive the torture. I needed to lie.”

“God—”

“But a man can only take so much torture before they finally find his breaking point. And I just couldn’t bear to hear about it anymore—about the way you looked when he woke up in the morning and you were still sleeping, or how devastated you were when you were trying to conceive and couldn’t.”

“Lies,” she whispered. “All lies.”

“He played the game too well, because I ignored every instinct I had and convinced myself it was me who had the problem, not him. And I had no one to blame but myself because I sent you away, thinking I could protect you by keeping my distance. Then he brought you right back into the thick of things, and for one brief moment, I wanted to kill him. Because I knew the moment you walked down the aisle that you should have been walking to me.”

Sophia’s breath hitched and she closed her eyes. “I can’t talk about this. I can’t—” She turned her head and looked out the window and stared hard at the old truck. “You’re the one who said we can’t change the past. What you thought or did or the choices I made don’t matter now.”

“They matter, Soph. But we’ll make sure you’re safe first before we deal with the past.”

Declan got out of the Hummer and went to the back to get his bags, barely giving her time to get her wits together before he was pulling her door open and waiting for her to get out.

She’d been watching him since they’d left D.C. His eyes never stopped moving, and she knew he could tell her the color of the car on the opposite side of the lot if she asked. He stayed close to her while they walked to the front office, his hand resting on the butt of the gun he carried at the small of his back. He never relaxed. And being in such close company with him was driving her insane. What he’d given her the night before had only increased the need. She had a lot of years to make up for.

Her mind and her body warred with different needs—her brain needed security—safety—while her body needed to be exhausted. She wasn’t good at living the lie as Declan and Kane had been. There was no denying that every moment she spent in Declan’s company was bringing her one step closer to loving him again. The best thing she could do for her own sanity was to figure out where the money was as fast as possible and escape before she was asking him to use more than just his mouth on her.