“I doubt that.” She lifted a big container of beans out of the sink and put it on the counter. “Life has a way of working out, whether it’s following our plan or not. I have a feeling that you’re going to look back on that time you stepped out of your safety zone, as one of the best things you could have done for yourself.”
“I really wish you knew what you were talking about,” I said, before I realized how rude it sounded.
She laughed. “Trust me. I know what I’m talking about.”
“Have you screwed up before? Like massively, awfully screwed up?”
She nodded. “Yep. We all have. It’s part of becoming a strong person.” She put her hands on her hips and faced me. “I’m a strong person, Andie. But it’s only because I’ve fought for it.”
“Shine not burn,” I said softly, my heart collapsing in on itself in my chest.
She nodded. “That’s right. We MacKenzie girls shine, not burn.” She pulled me into a hug. “You’re one of us, so you should know.”
I broke into tears, clinging to her like a drowning girl to a life ring.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
AFTER I’D CRIED MYSELF OUT and blubbered all over Maeve’s very understanding shoulder, I walked up to Ian’s room and fell into an exhausted sleep. I dreamed of huge groups of people witnessing my shame and condemning me for it. Visions of my mother’s boyfriend accusing me of being a slut tortured my already bruised sense of self-worth. Mewling cries escaped my lips as I pictured my bosses firing me for besmirching the reputation of the firm.
It was then that I felt a warmth come over me and the darkness slip away. Like a magic spell had been cast, I went from disintegrating to safe. Alone to protected. I shifted in the bed and realized I wasn’t alone anymore.
“What are you doing here?” I asked in a tear-scratched voice.
“Shhh, just go to sleep. You’re exhausted.”
“But what about dinner?” I wasn’t hungry, but I hoped to get rid of him. I didn’t deserve the care and compassion; I deserved to be punished.
“Dinner’s long over. If you want, we saved you a plate, but I think you should just sleep. I kept you out in the sun too long. Sorry about that, babe.”
“It’s not the sun.” It’s the giant crack in my heart that will never heal.
He kissed my neck tenderly. “No, it’s not the sun. It’s me. I wore you out with King Dong.”
I laughed in spite of myself. “Shut up.”
“Fine.” He kissed my shoulder. “Go to sleep.”
“Go away and I will,” I whispered, already falling into the twilight sleep zone where nothing made much sense and shadows of memories swirled and danced.
“I’m not going anywhere…”
It was the last thing I remembered hearing before the sun streaming in the window woke me up. It was the morning of the picnic, dawning sunny and bright. My heart felt like ten pounds of lead in my chest.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
“WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD! I have a dress for you to wear today.” Maeve swished into my room wearing a pretty wrap-around dress covered in yellow flowers.
“What?” I sat up, my hair a rat’s nest on my head. Every muscle in my body let me know that it was sore and very unhappy about being overused the day before.
She held up a blue halter neck dress. “A dress. For you to wear. Mack bought it for you in town, along with these sandals.” She held up a pair of darker blue slip-ons in her other hand.
I stared at the dress’s simple lines, flowing material, and low neckline. It’s exactly what I would have picked myself if I’d done the shopping, perfect for a sunny day in Baker City. “I … can’t wear that.”
“Why ever not?” She looked at it critically.
“Because … what if it doesn’t fit?”
She draped it over a chair and put the shoes on the floor nearby. “He looked on the tags of your clothes. I’m sure it will fit. You have a beautiful figure.”
“Have you seen my butt?” I asked, swinging my legs out off the side of the bed and staring at the floor. Every square inch of my body was aching, from my scalp to the bottom of my feet. I’d never felt so wasted in all my life. No wonder Mack has such a killer body. What a frigging workout.
She smiled; I could hear it in her voice. “I happen to know that men like bountiful figures, so even though yours could stand a few more pounds on it, I think you’re going to do just fine with … the men of Baker City.”
I looked up at her, my expression broadcasting the shame in my heart. “I have some bad news about the picnic.”
She stopped in her fussing around the room. “Oh yes? What’s that?”
“My fiancé, soon to be ex-fiancé, is on his way out here. I’m surprised he isn’t here yet. I’m pretty sure you won’t want either one of us at your party when that happens.”
“Nonsense. Any friend of yours is a friend of ours.” She moved some picture frames around on the dresser as if they’d be much better off being one inch more to the right or left.
“You don’t understand,” I explained. “He’s coming to take me back but I’m going to break up with him and go back on my own. I’m canceling the wedding. It’s going to be ugly.”