I growled. “Rrrrrr, you know what I mean! Don’t try to make me feel better about what I’ve done.”
Mack leaned really far over and snatched my hand, refusing to let it go. “You’ve done nothing wrong, you hear me? Love is what it is and love does what it does to survive. It’s an instinct. Technically you were cheating on me with him, but I don’t look at it that way. I know you didn’t remember, I believe you. And now you know you’re married to me and you’re sleeping with me as my wife. Nothing wrong happened. Nothing.”
I was too angry to guard my words. “It’s not love, okay? Stop calling it that.”
He dropped my hand and stared straight ahead. “Is that so.” It came out like a statement. I’d hurt him. But I couldn’t stop myself from burying the knife in deeper.
“Yeah, that’s so. It’s just lust. You’ll get tired of it soon enough, and then I’ll have to go back with my tail between my legs and beg for forgiveness from everyone.”
Mack shook his head. “Girl, you really need to get your head out of your keister if you’re ever going to find happiness in life.” He kicked his horse and surged ahead, leaving me to follow in his dust.
I think my horse was as shocked as I was. She just plodded along, as if Mack and his mount weren’t getting tinier and tinier in the distance. The house was close - I could make out its roof less than a mile away - but still … I was fuming about being left behind by the time we entered the front yard. Boog was waiting for me, a bland look on his face.
“What are you looking at?” I asked, pissed at him for being such a gossip.
“City slicker. What are you looking at?”
“A stupid wookie man-bear-pig who doesn’t know how to mind his own business.” I slid off the horse and caught myself before falling onto my butt. My legs were going to be really sore tomorrow from all the riding, along with my ass.
He laughed. “I know about wookies, but man-bear-pigs? What’s that?”
I was too frustrated to spar with him. “Go look in the mirror. I’m busy.” I clomped up the steps and left him to take care of the horse. He’d taken the reins so I assumed that’s what he was there for.
“You have to brush your horse out!” he shouted behind me.
“I’ll do it later!” I yelled back, banging the door behind me. I strode into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Maeve was there at the sink and it slowed me down considerably.
“Oh. Hi. I didn’t know you’d be here.”
Maeve looked at me over her shoulder and smiled before going back to her task. “Where else would I be?”
I went over and leaned on the nearby counter. “I don’t know, actually. What do you do here?”
“Lots of things.” She was snapping beans in the sink. “Clean. Cook. Take care of the chicken and gardens.”
“Sounds … fun.” I was totally lying.
“Actually, it’s a very simple life but I find it relaxing and enjoyable. I can finish my work in half the day and that leaves the rest of it for personal pursuits.”
“Oh yeah? Like what kind of personal pursuits?”
“Crocheting. Painting. Book club. I do lots of things on the side of my work life.”
I sighed wistfully. “All of those things are things I wish I had time for.” This time I wasn’t lying. I was a total granny at heart.
She shrugged, never hesitating in her work. “So find the time.”
“Ha. That’s funny. Have you ever worked in a law firm?”
“Can’t say as I have.”
“Well, it sucks for free time. I work from six in the morning until sometimes ten at night or even later when I’m going to trial.”
“Sounds like you don’t even have time to breathe.”
I stared out the window into the back yard. “I don’t. I haven’t had time to breathe since I was fifteen years old.” The simple sad truth of that calmed me down completely. “I don’t know why I ever thought that was something I wanted.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. First off, you were young and you were doing what you needed to do to make the most of things. And second, you’re still young. You aren’t stuck doing what you don’t want to do. If your life isn’t working for you, change it.” She stopped with her bean-snapping and looked at me. “Nobody’s forcing you to stay where you are in life.”
“I am,” I said pitifully.
She smiled. “Well, my advice is to not let you stand in the way of your own happiness.”
“Yeah,” I said, blinking a few times as the words sunk in. “That is kind of dumb, isn’t it?”
“Not dumb. Safe. I get the impression you’ve lived a safe life.”
I chuckled bitterly. “For the most part, yes. And the one time I stepped out of the safety zone, I monumentally screwed up the lives of about five people.” I was tallying up the entire MacKenzie family as collateral damage.