He told himself over and over it had been a dream, but the emotions clung to him like thick molasses. No matter how he tried to wipe them from his thoughts, they remained, shifting from one side of his psyche to the other, vacillating between the joys he had felt in experiencing his first moment of acceptance and the grief of knowing the future.
RezA had died. Rafiq had burned Narweh’s body where Caleb had left it, inside the house. He had not looked for survivors, he had not warned anyone in the house. Rafiq had imparted the information to Caleb one morning after breakfast, when he’d finally found the courage to ask about what had happened.
He had wept for RezA and the other boys in private after scalding himself with a hot spoon he’d been using to stir beans. As his flesh burned, he tried to envision what RezA had felt in the last horrifying moments of his life. Caleb had killed his only friend and in the end the only scar he had to show for it was on the inside after his burned skin was cut away and new skin took its place.
Caleb wanted another shower, one so hot he wouldn’t be able to think about anything else, but he knew the behavior was stupid and would likely cause more damage than could heal in time for him to continue with his mission. It had been some time since Caleb had had this many compulsive episodes. Yes, he sometimes needed the pain, but such needs were usually spread out over long periods of time. In the last few weeks, he’d struggled not to give in to his impulses many times. It couldn’t continue.
Rafiq had done what he needed to do. For Caleb to become the man Rafiq needed him to be; to become the man he wanted to be, there could be no witnesses that knew him as Narweh’s dog. It was a harsh and debilitating truth at the time, but Caleb understood it as a man in a way he never could as a boy. RezA would have done the same.
Caleb rolled over on the floor and sat up to stare at the shape of Kitten’s body sleeping on the bed above him. She moved around a lot, her legs jumping beneath the blankets occasionally. It appeared to Caleb she wanted to roll onto her side, or her stomach, but even in sleep, the pain kept her in a slightly upright position.
Her words from earlier drifted toward him:
“You could not sell me… I could stay with you… be with you?”
He sighed, wishing things could be so simple. What would Rafiq say to such a request? Did it even have to be a request? Caleb was a man after all, and a dangerous one at that. Perhaps Caleb need only inform Rafiq of the way it was to be and move on from there. The girl was beaten and bruised, her virginity in question as far as Rafiq would be concerned. How difficult would it be to simply call it a lost cause with Kitten? But honestly, it wouldn’t repair anything. He would forever be her captor and she would forever be his prisoner. He had to stop going back and forth. He’d made a decision, he would stick to it. End of story.
Kitten shifted some more on the bed and whimpered for a few seconds before her eyes finally opened. Her lungs rose and fell deeply and harshly. Apparently, Caleb wasn’t the only one suffering from nightmares. To her credit, she hadn’t cried out or asked for him. She looked around the room and caught sight of him, then looked away and sat up slowly.
“Morning,” he said wryly.
She nodded, but otherwise didn’t respond. She tossed her blanket off of her legs in a slow, taxing motion and stiffly stood before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door. Within seconds he could hear the water from the sink running. Caleb wondered how she was planning to use the facilities because the toilet was set into the ground and required the user to squat above it to do their business. It would be difficult for her to maintain her balance given her injuries, but he decided her need for privacy was perhaps greater than her need for help at the moment.
Caleb went about setting the room to rights and collecting the things he’d need to get ready for the day ahead. Neither of them had much in the way of clothing, but they only had one more day to travel, so the point was moot. He looked through the groceries he had purchased and found the bananas as well as some raspberry pastries. That would do nicely for breakfast. There were plenty of bottles of water left as well. He checked his watch and noted it was only five-thirty in the morning. The sooner they were out and on the road the better. They could make it to Tuxtepec by dinner time, even if they took another twelve hours to get there. He would have to make a stop in town before they left.
Caleb reached for his cell phone and dialed Rafiq.
“Salaam.”
“Why haven’t you been answering your phone?”
“Am I to answer to you, then?”
“Why the fuck not? We’re partners, or has Jair usurped my position in the last two days?”
Rafiq laughed. It was the kind of laugh Caleb had suffered through for years, a dismissive, derisive laugh, meant to put Caleb in his place, below his master. “Don’t be childish, Caleb. You’re the one who made our last conversation so hostile. Jair is hardly in a position to incite your jealousy.”
“I’m not jealous, I’m irritated and you’re only making it worse. Where are you?”