Caleb shrugged, “I don’t know. I thought…I’d get it over with and simply ask you.”
Rafiq’s loud sigh caused Caleb’s shoulders to tense, but he didn’t move to walk away from the older man. “That is very brave of you chab, but you have no need to be wary of me; I intend you no harm.”
“What do you intend?” Caleb bristled at being called a boy.
“I would hope I’ve earned your loyalty by now. I only meant to see if you are well? I’ve been gone since very early and I feared my absence was…stressful for you.”
Caleb shrugged half-heartedly, but in reality, he wanted to weep with gratitude. No one in a position of power had ever concerned himself with his well-being. No one had ever just come to check on him. He took a deep breath and pressed his emotions down into his stomach. He did not wish to appear weak in front of the one man offering to make him strong. “It was strange to be alone. Before, with Narweh, there was always someone, but…it was…I don’t know what to say. I ate all of the gulab jamun,” he confessed sheepishly. “I was also in your library. I’ve never seen so many books! You must know a lot of things. But don’t worry!” he was suddenly nervous. “I can’t read. I wasn’t trying to invade your privacy. I only looked at the pictures. I’m sorry.”
Rafiq laughed and the sound put Caleb at ease somewhat. He relaxed further when Rafiq’s hand landed on his head and ruffled his long, blond hair. “It’s fine, Caleb. This is your home now. The food was left for you and you are welcome to the books. I will teach you how to read them.”
Caleb shut his eyes tight to keep his tears from surfacing. Without warning, he lunged toward Rafiq and wrapped his skinny arms around him. He wanted to express his gratitude. He wanted Rafiq to know how much Caleb felt indebted to him.
Slowly and with shaking hands, Caleb reached up and pulled the older man’s head toward his and pressed his lips to Rafiq’s. The older man stilled, but didn’t stop him when his tongue slid across the opening of Rafiq’s mouth. Caleb had done this many times, with men he hated; surely he could do it once with someone whom he respected.
Caleb’s youthful body responded to the kiss and he pressed forward, chasing Rafiq’s mouth, his taste. Rafiq pulled away.
Caleb panicked. If Rafiq rejected him, he would die. He would die of shame because he was a whore and knew no other way.
“Caleb, no.”
“I won’t fight you. I’ll do as you ask,” Caleb whispered. His words were shaky and full of fear.
“Do as I tell you, now, and stop this.” Rafiq’s tone held the slightest bit of contempt.
Caleb pulled away and tried to run past Rafiq, but his path was blocked and soon Rafiq’s firm grip held his arm. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to. I won’t do it again.” This time the tears were present in his voice. He couldn’t hide his shame.
Rafiq pulled him to his chest and held him tight, “You are, Kéleb, no longer. You are not a dog, and no one’s whore. You don’t owe me that. You owe it to no one.”
Caleb cried and held tighter to Rafiq. He couldn’t speak.
“Have you ever been with a woman, Caleb?” Rafiq whispered above him.
Caleb shook his head. He had seen them of course, there were female whores Narweh kept, but they were separated from the boys and never shared with them. He’d caught glimpses of their bodies and wondered what it would be like to touch them, but it was a pleasure he’d never experienced.
Rafiq led Caleb toward his own room and opened the door. Slowly, he released Caleb and urged him inside. Reluctantly, Caleb loosened his arms and meekly stepped toward the bed he’d made for himself on the floor. “Tomorrow, then” Rafiq said casually, “Tomorrow you’ll begin to learn how to take your place at my side. You’ll have your choice of them.” He smiled as Caleb stared at him in shock and then he shut the door.
Caleb still couldn’t sleep, but now the reasons were different. For the first time since he could remember, Caleb was excited about what the morning would bring.
***
Caleb’s eyes opened in the dark. The dream, the memory, lingered. He suddenly felt like a boy again, scared of the dark, scared of the unknown, and lonely. It was strange how a dream could make itself real. It could take control of one’s mind and invoke sentiment, so much so, it affected the body. Caleb felt a lump in his throat; it shouldn’t be there, he was far removed from the scared boy he had been and yet there it was. His heart hammered strongly in his chest and his palms were sweaty.