“You’re right, Caleb. I am trying to seduce you. I am trying to find a way out of this fucked up mess you’ve gotten me into. What else can I do? What would you do in my place?” There were no tears in her eyes, nor was there anger. There was only truth, and the truth was always more powerful. And painful, too.
Caleb knew exactly what he would do in her place, because he’d done it. There were times when he had tried to get men to help him, free him, and deliver him from Narweh’s treachery. He’d listened to the men who bought his body swear they loved him. He’d allowed himself to put stock into the endearments they whispered in his ear. But when it was over, when they’d taken all they could from him, they’d betrayed his trust to Narweh. He remembered the way his heart had broken when Narweh had used his own words to taunt him as he was beaten.
“I’m sorry I’m so bad at it. I’m sorry you find my attempts laughable, but I don’t know how to do it any better. You’re all I know. For what it’s worth, I’m not trying to make you believe anything. I’ve never lied to you. When I asked you to make love to me, it wasn’t a ploy, and it hurts like a bitch to hear you think otherwise, because –” her voice finally broke, tears bursting past her fa?ade.
Caleb felt panic. He had no idea what to do. Her words, her presence, and her pain, affected him. He hated it. His memories, the ones he worked so hard to push deep into forgotten recesses of his mind, banged on the door of his consciousness. They connected with Livvie, they connected to her suffering, and together, they threatened to undo him.
A shuddering breath and Kitten seemed in better control of herself. She wiped at her eyes, took another breath and retreated to her side of the vehicle, her eyes once again focused on the world passing her by. Every now and again her chin trembled and she would take another breath to will her tears away.
She had more dignity than even she was aware of and Caleb decided, he would never again say otherwise. He wished he had never said it in the first place. His heart was racing, banging harshly in his chest and creating a thumping in his temples that made his head ache. His stomach was also affected, a strange kind of tingling pain churning in his gut.
He had an impulse to offer Kitten comfort, to tell her the truth: her attempts were anything but laughable. However, he knew telling her would be putting himself at an incredible disadvantage. Just acknowledging how much he wanted to comfort her was disconcerting. Still, the thought of hurting her any more than he already had, was too much – too much by far.
“Kitten, I –”
She leaned over and twisted the knob for the radio and the annoying voice of the announcer cut Caleb short. She avoided his eyes as she returned her focus to the window.
Caleb sighed in relief. He had no idea what the hell he had been about to say. The important thing for him to focus on was there would be no more talking for the moment. He wished he could say the same for the next twenty-four hours they would spend together on the road.
***
It had been an exhausting day. What should have been a nine hour drive had turned into twelve because Caleb had had to stop for Kitten every so often. With her bruised ribs and collarbone, she needed to stretch frequently, so he stopped along scouted roadways. When they reached the city of Zacatecas, Caleb had breathed a weary sigh and decided he could finally stop for the night and get some much needed sleep.
Kitten had spoken very little during the drive, which proved to be a great relief to Caleb. He had traded the doctor’s luxury sedan for a sturdy, but dented farming truck, and some groceries. It would offer quite the profit for the farmer, so he asked as few questions as possible, going so far as to pointedly ignore Kitten and her bruises.
She slept most of the way. The drugs in her system seemed to numb her pain, though it left her drowsy. Caleb made sure to keep a bottle of water next to her and also, that she drank from it whenever she was awake.
Zacatecas was a full-blown city, filled with hundreds of thousands of people, many of them tourists. Caleb took great care in finding a motel for them to spend the night. Kitten had said she wouldn’t run from him again, but the look in her eyes, whenever they passed American tourists with families, spoke differently. She would run again, given half the chance. Not that he could blame her. “I need to take a shower,” Caleb said into the silence of the room. “You can either sit in the bathroom with me, or I can tie you up. Option’s yours.”
Kitten stared at him hard. “Don’t trust me?” she taunted.
“Not when you’re looking at me like that, no.”
She sat stiffly on the edge of the bed, her anger emanating off of her like a toxic fog intent on choking him. “I told you I wouldn’t run. Go take your fucking shower and leave me alone.”