He gave her a quick up and down look. She slouched back in her seat, as though his gaze were venom.
“It’s you, who thinks otherwise,” Caleb said. He watched Kitten flinch. His words apparently hurt her feelings, but they were the truth. The truth stung them both. She had seen him as something else, something she deemed better. For a little while, he’d shared her imagination. He had never realized how much it meant to him, until it was no longer true. No one had ever seen him as someone capable of being more and he had just hurt the one person who did.
It was just as well. He wanted to return to the time before he had ever known she existed, a time when his life was black and white, and the gray didn’t matter. He ached for the simplicity of his life, free of moral quandaries, guilt, shame, overbearing lust, and the worst sin of all, longing. He wanted to go to bed at night and know exactly what to expect when he woke up. He wanted Kitten out of his life and out of his head.
The space inside the vehicle was silent, but loud and clear. Caleb was glad to stare out of the windshield as stretches of road disappeared under them, taking them thousands of kilometers from that shower, their confessions, and all the possibilities of what might have been between them.
After a while, they finally ventured onto paved city roads. Civilization surrounded them. Caleb didn’t miss the way Kitten sat up straighter in her seat, her head turned to view everything passing her window. She raised her uninjured arm and pressed her palm to the window.
Caleb swallowed and ignored her, eyes front.
The sun was shining brightly, burning off what was left of the morning chill. Caleb reached for the air conditioner and set it low. He would roll down the windows when there weren’t quite so many people around to hear Kitten’s impassioned pleas for help. He had to get rid of the vehicle as well, just in case the doctor didn’t keep his word and the Federales were already looking for them. He had a few hundred U.S. dollars on him, and a few hundred pesos, courtesy of the doc. It wasn’t enough to bribe a cop, but plenty for your average trouble maker. Regardless, the sooner they arrived in Tuxtepec, the better. Caleb pulled into a roundabout and took the exit leading toward Chihuahua. He’d have to stop and get everything he needed near the city.
“I can’t change your mind, can I?” The soft spoken words pulled Caleb back into the car. He didn’t want to do this anymore. He didn’t want to talk. “This is all really happening. Isn’t it? And you’re going to let it happen…aren’t you?”
“Try and go to sleep, Kitten.” His voice was detached, wooden. “We have a long way to go.”
She wouldn’t relent, though her manner was casual and airy, as though she were only speaking aloud, not expecting an answer, “I admit…at first I thought…” she shrugged. “I thought you really were my ‘knight in shining armor’. Stupid, I know.”
Her ironic sadness, as she repeated Caleb’s words tried to make him feel guilt. Instead, he worked to ignore her. He didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of badgering him into an argument.
“I was so shocked when I saw you again. Shocked to discover…I thought you were a monster then. You terrified me. But now? Now, I don’t know how I feel about you,” she whispered.
Caleb gripped the wheel tighter with one hand and flipped on the stereo, flooding the vehicle with loud Banda music.
Kitten turned to face him, the once far-away look gone from her face and replaced by narrowed eyes and a mouth set into a stern line. She reached for the knob and switched the radio off. “So that’s your answer?”
Caleb took a deep breath and tried to control his anger, “You think you’re so fucking clever, don’t you?” He gave a mirthless, condescending laugh. “Do you honestly believe for one second I’m not aware of what you’re doing? You’re trying to make me feel guilty, trying to make me believe you have feelings for me.” She winced, her jaw clenching. “You know you’re trapped and you’re trying to find a way out. Trying to seduce me with your show of caring and sharing won’t work on me.” He scoffed when he saw the way Kitten feigned surprise and hurt. “You can drop the act. I’m not impressed. You’re attempts are laughably transparent.”
He anticipated her rage, braced for it, but he hadn’t given her enough credit. Instead of invective, Kitten attacked him with cold and resolute reason.