But that had been then. This was now.
Caleb sighed heavily, frustrated by the turn of events. More bothersome than Kitten’s demeanor was the prospect of Rafiq’s impending visit. He had tried to call Rafiq earlier, while Kitten was getting dressed and combing her hair, but there had been no answer. Caleb could only assume Rafiq was either on his way or ignoring him. He hoped it was the latter. The last thing he needed after what was sure to be a very long and taxing car trip was a confrontation with Rafiq.
Their relationship was beyond complicated. Rafiq was many things to Caleb. At one time, his guardian. Later, a friend. Now? Rafiq called him brother. But Rafiq was also much more. Rafiq held a power and a sway over Caleb he’d never felt comfortable with. Caleb had been a difficult teenager. After Narweh, he was left with a lot of fear that had turned to anger. There had been times when they had argued and Caleb had seen things in Rafiq he wished never to see again.
Rafiq would stop at nothing to have his plans carried through. Everyone was expendable; anyone, collateral damage. If ever it came down to it, Rafiq would kill him, and therefore, Caleb had to be prepared to strike first. The truce lay in the fact neither of them would relish the task.
As Caleb made his way through the narrow roads, he spared a thought to think about what he would do if Rafiq were waiting for them in Tuxtepec. He gripped the wheel tighter. He knew. That was the problem. He knew exactly what would happen.
Prepare her.
“It’s going to take us all day and part of tomorrow to reach our destination.” He relaxed his grip on the wheel and leaned into the back of his seat. He had to stop being soft with her. He had to make her tough, make her hard, and he knew better than most how the coldness of reality would sober any wide-eyed hopeful. The first step had been telling her the truth about her future, but he had to push her further. He had to make her understand. There was no future for them. “I suggest you take the time and wrap your mind around the seriousness of your situation. I forgive you for running away, but only because fate has done a better job of punishing you than I could.” Caleb kept his eyes forward, refusing to acknowledge the heartbroken girl next to him. He didn’t have to see her to know how much his words hurt her. An echo of her pain seemed to reverberate through him. At least, that’s what he wanted to believe it was – an echo.
He recalled the press of her lips against his scars. She kisses my scars and I create new ones for her.
“You’re still going through with it?” Kitten’s tone was anguished, but also angry and determined.
He told himself over and over: She’s plotting her revenge already. She’ll never care for you. If he reminded himself enough, perhaps he could get the truth through his head. So, he repeated the words like a mantra. She’s playing you. She’s just bidding time until she can be rid of you.
“I never said otherwise, Kitten. I’ve broken no promises to you,” Caleb replied, his tone harsh and unyielding. He had to slam the door shut on everything between them. It was the only way to move forward and ensure her survival. It’s your survival, too.
Caleb expected her sobs at any moment. It was their dance: she fought him, he hurt her, and she cried…he felt like shit. Repeat. He was surprised to hear the steel in her voice when she snapped at him.
“You promised me if I did as you asked, I would always come out better for it. Do you still believe that, Caleb? Do you really think selling me into sexual slavery, will make me better?”
“It’s done,” he said.
“Fuck you,” she spat.
Anger surged and flared on the heels of his guilt. He had promised her, but not in the way she proposed. “I mean to teach you how to survive this. I have always intended to arm you with what you’ll need. In that way, yes,” he hissed. “I’ll keep my promise. But I’ve made other promises as well – to someone who has earned my loyalty.”
“Am I supposed to earn your loyalty, Caleb?” She sneered at him. “Why? What about my loyalty? What have you done to earn that?” Caleb clenched his jaw. “You’re worse than those bikers,” she spat, her body tense and coiling, ready to attack. “At least they knew they were monsters. You’re pathetic! You’re a monster who imagines he’s something else.”
Heat surged up Caleb’s spine and radiated down toward his fingers. He held the steering wheel in a white-knuckled grip. His first instinct was to hit her, to release the wheel, and slap her across the face, but what would it prove? Only that she was right, which of course, she was. Only a monster could do the things he’d done. Only a monster would have the instincts he had, and only a monster would feel indifferent to his nature, or try to rationalize it.
“I know what I am,” he said, calmly. “I’ve always known.”