Chapter 22
I DABBED AT my eyes and reached for the door knob, barely able to control my excitement. I couldn’t wait to see Nate again. Between my revelations, his kidnapping and then me going missing, the last few days had to have been pretty awful for him. I had miraculously been given a second chance and I was going to use that to make things right with him. Starting now.
I tried the door but it was locked of course and my keys were probably at the bottom of the ocean. So much for a grand entrance. Wearing a sheepish smile, I rang the doorbell.
It took a minute for Nate to reach the door. I heard the deadbolt move and my stomach fluttered nervously as the door opened.
“You’re early. I wasn’t expecting you until –”
Nate’s mouth fell open and his hand flew to his chest as he stared up at me like I was an apparition. It occurred to me that dressed as I was, barefoot in this flimsy dress, I probably looked like one.
“Sara?” he whispered hoarsely.
The words I had planned to say could not get past the lump in my throat and I threw myself at him, almost knocking him out of his chair. His body was stiff and I wasn’t sure if it was because he was shocked to see me or because I was actually hugging him. But then his arms went around me and he held me so tightly I thought my ribs would crack.
After the longest hug of my life, he held me away from him so he could look at me and I saw that his face was haggard. Wonder shone in his eyes. “Jesus – it’s really you!”
I nodded and gave him a teary smile.
His hands dropped to his lap. “I – I can’t believe it.”
“Nate, I’m so sorry,” I blurted before he could say anything else. “For the lies and keeping everything from you – and for what happened to you.” I knelt in front of his chair and searched his face for some sign he might be willing to forgive me. “I know I screwed up but I promise no more secrets. And I have so much to tell you.”
“Sara, where the hell have you been?” he demanded and the anguish in his voice spoke of the hell I’d put him through.
God, how did I tell him exactly where I’d been? I tried to start slowly. “I was hurt and someone took me home with them to help me get better. I know you’ve probably been worried sick the last few days and I swear I would have let you know where I was but I was pretty out of it.”
“The last few days?” Nate echoed incredulously. “You’ve been gone three damn weeks.”
“What?” I said dumbly.
“We thought you were dead. They searched the water for days and they couldn’t find your…” His voice broke and I saw the pain and grief he had suffered. “We – we had a memorial service last week.”
It was a good thing I was already on my knees because my legs wouldn’t have been able to support me at that moment. Three weeks – how was that possible? Was I unconscious that whole time or was it true that time moved differently in Faerie?
And all that time Nate thought I was dead.
“Oh God Nate, I didn’t know, I swear.” My eyes pleaded with him to believe me. “I’ve made a horrible mess of everything, but I would never hurt you that way.”
He closed his eyes and let out a long shaky breath. “I’m afraid that I’ll open my eyes and find out you’re not really here.”
I took both his hands in mine. “I’m here Nate.”
His eyes brimmed with tears when he opened them again. “Jesus, I need a drink. And then you are going to tell me everything.”
I got up to shut the door and followed him into the kitchen. It was strange how everything seemed so familiar yet so different at the same time. The kitchen looked exactly as it had the last time I stood in it. I glanced at the phone and remembered pleading with Haism to not hurt Nate. So much had happened since that call but it was not our home that had changed, it was me. I was not the same person who walked out of here that day. That girl had spent her life afraid and haunted by her past, unable to move past it and pushing everyone away, afraid of being hurt again. The girl who had returned in her place was no longer chained to the pain in her past. She was uncertain about her future but she was also braver, stronger and she would never let anything come between her and those she loved again.
Nate reached into a bottom cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Johnnie Walker. He laid the bottle in his lap then grabbed two small glasses from the rack on the counter and rolled to the table. “Sit,” he ordered, pouring scotch into both glasses.
I took the chair across from him and he slid one of the glasses toward me. “You’re giving me a drink?”
He shrugged and took a long drink from his glass then refilled it. I’d never seen him consume more than one drink at a time.
Never one to drink much myself, I picked up my glass and took a cautious sip. I sputtered as the liquor burned my tongue and seared a trail down my throat. It hit my stomach and a warm, pleasant feeling spread through me. I took another sip for courage then laid the glass on the table.
“How much do you know about what happened that day?”
Nate set his own glass down and I saw the bleakness on his face again as he remembered. “I know that man, Haism, took you down to the cliffs to turn you over to the vampires and they killed him. Then your Mohiri friends and the werewolves showed up and there was a fight. They told me you killed a vampire. Then one of the other vampires threw a knife at you and you fell off the cliff. Nikolas went into the water after you but you were nowhere to be found.”
It was surreal to hear Nate talking so easily about vampires, werewolves and Mohiri. The last time I saw him he was still in shock from the things I’d revealed to him. It looked like I wasn’t the only one who had changed.
“You met Nikolas?”
“He showed up here minutes after that man brought me home. I told him what I knew and he took off looking for you. He’s come by a few times since you… disappeared. He was sure you were still alive and he refused to go to the service. I asked how he knew but he would not say. I’ll say one thing, he doesn’t give up easily.” Nate gave me a questioning look. “Were you and he…?”
I choked as scotch went down the wrong way. “No. That’s just how he is. He’s pretty intense.”
Nate did not look convinced but he didn’t push it. “So what happened? Where were you?”
I told him everything that went down from the moment we parted on the street in front of the empty building. I had intended to spare him some of the harsher details but I found myself pouring it all out to him as if I’d opened a damn that couldn’t be closed. When I got to the part about my dad, I choked but I forced myself to keep talking. Nate’s eyes reflected my own horror when he heard how Eli had revealed that he had killed my dad and meant to take me as well.
“I killed him.” The fierceness in my voice startled Nate. He didn’t speak but his hand crept across the table to cover one of mine. I went on to tell him about falling into the water and dreaming of my dad then waking up in the room with Aine. His face registered his shock when I explained what Aine was and exactly where I’d been. Then I told him what Aine had revealed to me about my dad’s – and Nate’s – side of the family and what I had inherited from our undine ancestor. Aine had told me to be careful but she didn’t say I couldn’t tell anyone what I was. Not that I would have kept it from Nate. I was done hiding things from him.
Nate was on his third glass of scotch by the time I got to Aine bringing me home. I swirled the liquid in my own glass while I waited for him to speak.
He inhaled deeply. “I honestly don’t know what to say.”
“But you believe me?”
“Yes.”
My body sagged in relief. “You’re taking all of this a lot better than last time.”
He set down his empty glass. “Well a lot has happened since then and I’ve had some time to come to grips with it all.” He eyed the glass in front of me. “Are you going to drink that?”
I slid the glass across the table to him. “Are you trying to get drunk?”
He gave me a lopsided smile. “No but this is a special occasion. It’s not every day your niece comes back from the dead.”
“I guess not.” I watched the emotions play across his face: relief, joy, awe as color filled his pale cheeks again.
“This is going to be quite the shock for everyone,” he mused out loud. “You’ve been gone so long and we obviously can’t tell people you’ve spent the last three weeks in faerie land.”
“We can’t tell anyone. I mean we have to tell Roland and Peter and the rest of the pack. And the Mohiri too, though I have no idea how to contact them since I lost my phone. But we can’t tell anyone else. Eli’s master is looking for Madeline’s daughter and if he finds out I’m still alive he’ll come after us again. I’m sure the Mohiri are looking for him and if anyone can find him they can. We can’t let anyone know I’m back until they take care of him.”
Nate frowned unhappily but he nodded. Neither of us wanted to risk another attack. I hated putting him in this spot but what other choice did I have?
I stared nervously at the phone. “I need to let Roland and Peter know I’m back but I have no idea what to say to them.”
“Do you want me to call them?” I nodded and he wheeled to the counter and picked up the phone. “I’ll be in the living room. This is going to be one hell of a call.”
Sitting alone in the kitchen, I listened to the murmurs from the other room and tried to imagine Roland’s reaction, the look on his face at that moment. I’d freak out if I thought he was dead and then he showed up out of the blue. Even for supes, coming back from the dead was a big deal.
I laid my head down on my arms and wondered what the heck I was going to do now. I’d missed almost a month of school – though it wasn’t like I could go back while pretending to be dead. A teenager who falls off a cliff and supposedly drowns and then shows up alive and well weeks later would draw a lot of media attention. I couldn’t stay cooped up in the apartment either because I’d go insane in a few days. There weren’t a lot of options available. I could leave New Hastings and find some small out of the way place where no one would think to look for me but a teenager on her own would raise eyebrows. Or I could try to contact the Mohiri. Before I’d disappeared, I’d already agreed to go stay with them for a while. I wondered where Nikolas was now. Probably off rescuing some other unfortunate orphan, I thought with a sad smile. Although after the trouble I put him through I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d washed his hands of that occupation for good. What would he say when he found I was back? Would he come for me or send someone else to deal with me this time?
I raised my head when I heard Nate by the kitchen door. “How did he take –?”
My eyes fell on the man standing frozen before me, his dark gaze burning into mine. “Nikolas,” I breathed, stunned by his sudden appearance. How had he known?
My breath caught at the play of emotions across his face: despair, anger, joy and something deeper that wrenched my heart and was gone before I could name it. His body was rigid as he filled the small doorway, looking like he couldn’t decide whether to yell at me or hug me. It shook me a little to discover how happy I was to see him. Ever since I woke up in Faerie, I had felt sort of adrift between the two worlds. Seeing him was like finding an anchor to hold me in this one.
“Where were you?” he asked harshly and in those three words I heard pent up frustration, relief and a strong dose of anger.
“Don’t look at me like that.” I wrapped my arms around me, thinking that at least some things hadn’t changed. “It’s not like I stabbed myself and jumped off the damn cliff!”
His eyes widened at my outburst and to my mortification, my own filled up with tears. Before I could move he was in front of me and I sniffed as he knelt and lifted my chin so I was forced to look at him. The tenderness and regret in his eyes were my undoing. I began to cry in earnest and I was unable to protest when he pulled me against his chest and held me while my body shook and my tears soaked his shirt. I wanted to tell him he could let me go, that I was ok, but I found myself reluctant to leave the warm comfort of his arms even after the tears subsided.
“Pozhaluysta, prosti menya. I promised to keep you safe and I didn’t,” he said thickly against my hair. “I’m sorry.”
“No.” I made myself pull away from him. “If you hadn’t shown up when you did, Eli would have…”
He flinched. “Don’t think about that.” He stared at me like he still could not believe I was there. “We’ve been searching that area ever since you disappeared. Where were you?”
“Seelie.”
“Come again.”
“Turns out I have friends there.” I gave a watery smile at his puzzled expression. “It’s kind of complicated.”
Nikolas ran a hand through his dark hair. “Why does that not surprise me?” He pulled out the chair behind him and sat in front of me, almost close enough for our knees to touch. Warmth spread through my belly and I tried to shake it off. My emotions were pretty high right now and the last thing I needed was to add to them.
Crossing his arms, he watched me expectantly. “Well let’s have it. I’m dying to know how a Mori demon ends up in a world where no demon would dare to thread.”
“Well it all started the day I met a sylph… actually no, it started before that with my great, great, great, great grandmother.”
He quirked an eyebrow impatiently and I scowled at him. “Look I told you it was complicated.”
His sigh was barely audible. “I’m sorry. Please continue.”
The apology was so surprising, so out of character for Nikolas that I forgot what I was talking about and it took me a moment to remember. I told him everything I’d told Nate about Aine and what I had learned about my undine ancestor. To give him credit, his face betrayed no reaction as I revealed my unique heritage. I ended by repeating Aine’s warning to be careful because there were some who would not be happy about my existence.
“You didn’t tell me that part,” admonished Nate who had come in halfway through my story. “Does this mean you’re in more danger?”
“No,” Nikolas told him decisively. “Because we will keep her safe this time.”
Nate visibly relaxed. “So she’s safe here?”
Nikolas faced Nate. “I have not lied to you since we met and I won’t start now. Until we track down Eli’s master, Sara is not safe anywhere except with the Mohiri.” Nate started to speak and Nicolas said, “I know you don’t know much about us but Sara has family among the Mohiri and they would never harm her. And you would be welcome there as well.”
“Really?” I asked. If Nate could come with me, going to live with the Mohiri might not be so bad.
Nate shook his head. “Thank you, that is very generous but I can’t just pick up and leave. I have a new book coming out and a book tour to plan. And truthfully, I don’t think I would be comfortable living among people who all look like twenty year olds.”
My heart sank. “But you could be in danger if the vampires come back.”
“Everyone – including the vampires – thinks you are dead,” Nate pointed out. “If they were coming back, they would have done it by now.”
“He’s right,” Nikolas said. “As long as we get you out of here before anyone discovers the truth, Nate should be safe.”
I looked at Nate. “But I just got back. I don’t want to leave you.”
Nate gave me a reassuring smile. “I don’t want you to go but I would feel better knowing you are safe. And it’s not like we can’t talk on the phone whenever you want. I’ll even come for Christmas if the Mohiri celebrate it.”
“We do, and Thanksgiving too,” Nikolas informed us. He shook his head at my look of surprise. “We are not as different as you think we are.”
I stared at my clenched hands but they held no answers for me. After everything we’d been through, I didn’t want to leave Nate, but if I stayed here I risked putting his life in danger again. He had already been kidnapped and almost killed by someone trying to get to me. My decision had to be about his safety as it much as it was about mine and the weight of it rested heavily on my shoulders.
I’d gotten what I wanted: the truth behind my dad’s murder and the vampire who had killed him was dead. But looking back at all the terrible things that had happened directly or indirectly because of my selfish crusade made my skin prickle with self loathing. I pushed my chair back and stood, avoiding their eyes. Neither of them spoke as I went to the sink and stared out the window at the bay. I loved this view as much as I loved our apartment. I always knew one day I’d have to leave here to go to college but that seemed so far away. Now my chest ached at the thought of leaving it all behind, of the prospect of never seeing it again. But I would do anything to never again put Nate through the hell he had suffered.
My hands gripped the edge of the countertop as I made the only choice I could.
* * *
“I can’t believe you’re really leaving.”
I set my bag down next to the suitcases and boxes cluttering the hallway near the front door. Forcing a smile, I turned to face Roland who had barely left my side since he and Peter burst into the apartment yesterday, fifteen minutes after Nate’s call. My ribs still ached from their crushing hugs but it was nothing to the pain in my heart.
We had spent the first hour of our reunion crowded together on the couch while I retold the story of that day on the cliff and my incredible journey after I fell from the cliff. Then I listened while they told me how the events of that day had unfolded for them. As soon as Maxwell had hung up from his call with Nikolas, he had organized the pack to scour the town for my scent. It was actually Francis who had picked up my trail and found Tarek’s body – or what the vampires had left of it – near the car. Francis, Maxwell, Brendan, Roland and Peter had followed the trail to the cliff where they found Nikolas in a standoff with Eli and his coven. When I fell, the wolves and Chris took down the remaining vampires and made sure none escaped while Nikolas dove straight off the cliff after me. When I heard that, I looked at Nikolas who stood, staring out the living room window like he was watching for danger. As if he felt my eyes on him, he’d turned his head and met my gaze briefly before turning back to the window.
Everyone grew somber when Nate, Roland and Peter told me about my memorial service and how many people had crowded the small church beside the school. The entire pack had come along with most of the school and it was eerie and surreal hearing about the eulogies given by some of my classmates who I hadn’t even taken the time to get to know as well as I should have. Roland told me that Greg drove up from Philly for the service and he had never seen my tough friend looking so heartbroken.
Nikolas took one look at my face and said it was too dangerous to let anyone else know I was alive. I told him I would not let Greg think I was dead and that was that. In the end we made a compromise. I would not contact Greg until I was safely ensconced at the Mohiri stronghold.
That turned the conversation to me leaving and Roland and Peter’s joy over my return from the dead dimmed when I told them where I was going. Well not where exactly, since I still didn’t know where the Mohiri lived, but that I was going to live with Nikolas’s people for a while. My friends spent another hour trying to talk me out of leaving, insisting that the werewolves would protect me and Nate. But the memory of Roland almost dying and the fear on Nate’s face when Haism had him scared me too much to take a chance of it happening again.
“Yes, I want to go,” I lied. “Nikolas says they can train me and teach me to defend myself.” At least that was one thing I could look forward to. It would ne nice to not have to depend on someone else for protection.
“But how long will you be gone? And how will we know if you’re doing okay?” Peter asked.
I laughed as I walked back up to my room to grab my laptop bag and backpack. “Guys, I’m not moving to the Antarctic.” At least I hoped not. “They have phones and computers. We’ll talk so much you’ll be sick of me.”
“That’s not the same,” Roland protested, following me. “We were all supposed to go to prom together, remember.”
“I know.” I looked around my bedroom at the bare walls and found it suddenly hard to swallow. Once I made up my mind to leave I had started packing before I could change my mind. Roland and Peter had insisted on staying overnight and between the three of us, my room had been stripped bare of everything that made it mine. Now all my belongings were crammed into boxes or suitcases or sitting in piles waiting to be packed and sent on to me later.
The old couch looked lonely without the books that usually littered it. Now Oscar and Daisy lay on it watching me with sad eyes as if they knew I was leaving. It hurt to think of leaving them behind but I had no idea where I was going. It wouldn’t be fair to them to uproot them. I knew Daisy was content here with Nate, but Oscar would miss me. Hopefully once I was settled in my new home I could send for him.
I’d gone up to the roof a few times to call to Harper but there was no sign of the crow and I hated to leave without saying goodbye to him. He wouldn’t understand what had happened or why I left him. I’d left a window open up here all night and this morning in the hope that he might show. I wished I could wait until he came back but it might be days before he put in another appearance. I was gone so long he might have given up on me and never return.
Even the imps were quiet and strangely absent and I found myself missing their shuffling and chattering behind the attic wall. I couldn’t believe I was going to miss those thieving little fiends.
There was one big part of my life that I could not give a proper goodbye to and every time I thought about it my heart ached. I knew Remy was forbidden to see me but leaving without seeing him one last time left a little hole inside me. I wanted to go to the cliff in the hopes that he might come out or even to leave him a message in the cave in case he ever went back there but Nikolas said it was too dangerous and everyone else agreed with him. Roland paled at just the mention of it. The only one not uncomfortable going back to the place where I had almost died was me.
“It’s time.”
The three of us turned to Nikolas who stood at the top of the stairs. He had insisted on staying here as well so our normally roomy apartment felt pretty crowded last night. Roland and Peter were not happy about it but Nikolas had left us alone for the most part, letting us have our last night together. I’d barely seen him today because he’d spent most of it outside on his phone – most likely making arrangements for the pickup. I didn’t expect him back so soon and my heart began to race. I can’t do this!
Nikolas must have seen my panic. “I’ll bring your bags out. Take all the time you need.”
I nodded stiffly. As soon as he left, I turned to Roland and he wrapped me in another suffocating embrace, probably trying to make up for all the years I had refused to be hugged. I was still trying to catch my breath from that when Peter pulled me in for his hug. None of us spoke because we were too afraid of the tears that would follow. This is not good-bye, I reminded myself as I pulled away from them and turned toward the stairs.
There was one thing left to do and I dreaded it more than anything else. I put on a brave face and went downstairs to Nate’s office where he sat behind his computer pretending to work. The silence from his keyboard betrayed him and when he looked up I saw that his eyes were a little red. We had spent a couple of hours together earlier this morning and I thought it would be enough to say our goodbyes but looking at him now, I knew it would never be enough for either of us.
“It’s almost time to go.”
He sighed. “I know.” He wheeled around the desk and before he even brought the chair to a stop I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I love you Nate.”
“I love you too.” He held me while I cried and then while I composed myself enough to pull away. Then he took my hands in his. “Nothing we say is going to make this easier for either of us. I just want you to know how proud I am of you and how proud your father would be if he was here. You’ve been through things that would break a grown man and I know that wherever you go, you’ll be okay. If I didn’t believe that, I couldn’t let you go.”
I cleared my throat. “And you will take the Ptellon nectar like I told you, three drops every month.” Nate had not reacted well when I called the vial of dark red liquid Ptellon blood and it took some convincing to make him believe it really was just nectar.
“I won’t forget.”
“I’ll call you as soon as I get there. And you promise to come for Christmas.”
“Nothing could keep me away.”
“I’m gonna hold you to that.” I refused to say goodbye so I said, “I’ll see you soon.”
Roland and Peter walked me down to the black SUV parked beside Nate’s car. Behind the SUV was a white van loaded with my possessions. Two Mohiri I recognized from Portland stood beside the van talking to Nikolas and I saw Chris leaning against the driver’s door of the SUV.
I turned to give my friends one last hug when I heard a loud caw and the rustle of wings overhead. “What the hell…?” Chris uttered and the four Mohiri instantly went on alert as a large black bird zoomed toward me. I saw a flash of silver in Nikolas’s hand and knew he had a weapon ready to handle the new threat.
“Stop!” I ordered loudly as I extended my arm to Harper who landed easily and cocked his head at me like he was waiting for me to explain myself. I brought him close to my chest and stroked his head.
“Um Sara?” Roland called from a safe distance. “Why are you cuddling a crow? Are you some kind of bird whisperer too?”
With everything that was going on, it felt good to smile. “You remember the crow I saved from Scott and his friends back in third grade? This is him.” I held the crow away from me. “Harper, these are my friends.”
The crow blinked and regarded Roland and Peter with intelligent black eyes that made the boys shift nervously. “He looks like he’s thinking about pecking my eyeballs out,” Peter muttered, taking another step back.
“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s just curious because I’ve never introduced him to people before.”
Someone cleared their throat behind me and I turned to Nikolas and Chris who watched me with cool appraisal. If they had been surprised by Harper, they certainly hid it well.
“What do you plan to do with that thing?” Chris asked in a tone that said he was not happy about the idea of sharing a car with a crow.
“Harper just came to say goodbye.” As soon as the words were out, a lump formed in my throat. “Excuse me,” I managed to say before I walked a dozen yards away to make my farewell to my old friend.
“I have to go away for a while,” I explained as he stared at me intently. “You be careful and don’t go too far into the woods where the hunters will get you. And watch the cars on the road. I know you and your friends act like road kill is an all you can eat buffet, but don’t be stupid about it, alright?”
He shifted restlessly and I stroked the back of his head, knowing this could be the last time I ever saw him. My future was so uncertain and there were lots of dangers to a wild bird, even one as smart as Harper.
Never one to stay still for long, Harper lifted his wings preparing to take off. “I’ll miss you,” I said to him before he left my hand and circled me twice before flying away. I watched him until he disappeared from sight, then I walked resolutely back to the waiting vehicles.
Ignoring all the stares, I hugged Roland and Peter and told them I’d call as soon as I got wherever I was going. Then I got into the back of the SUV. The windows were tinted and I felt invisible to the rest of the world and more alone than I had ever been. I shivered and pulled my small coat tighter around me.
The front doors opened and Nikolas and Chris climbed in. “Ok, that was one for the books,” Chris declared as he started the car. His eyes twinkled when they met mine in the rearview mirror. “All set?”
“As much as I ever will.”
Nikolas turned in his seat to look at me. “Are you alright?”
Was I? I was heading off to God knows where to live with strangers. My future was uncertain, a vampire Master wanted me dead for some reason, and I was leaving everyone I knew. But the way Nikolas looked at me reminded me of that night in the alley when he silently assured me that I was not alone. There was something between us I couldn’t define, but I’d felt it when I thought I was dying and the moment I saw him standing in the kitchen doorway yesterday. It was more than a truce; it was like we were connected somehow after everything we’d been through together. Whatever it was and whatever was waiting for me, I knew I could trust him to be there with me like he had been through all of this. Maybe we could even be friends. Stranger things had happened.
I gave him a small smile. “No, but I will be.”
~ The End ~