- 29 -
Loss
Mary opened her eyes. She saw blurry shapes. She blinked a couple times to focus. At last, Mom's teary face became clear.
"Mom?" Mary's voice was weak, and her mouth was parched.
Mom smiled as best as she could. "Hi, Sweetie."
Mary scanned the room. She saw Ba, Emma, Julia, George, and the Pennys. There was also a nurse she didn't recognize. At last, her eyes settled on Phos. Unconsciously, she raised a weak hand towards him.
He took it and squeezed it. "Hello, Mary."
"What are you all doing here?" she asked.
"We've been waiting all week for them to finally let you wake up, Baby Girl," Emma said.
Mary looked around. It then dawned on her that she was still in the hospital. "I've been here for a week?"
"What do you remember?" Ba asked.
Mary thought hard. "The guy at the store. There was blood on the floor. And I heard voices." She put her hand on her forehead. "Everything else is fuzzy."
"You're still getting over the medication," Mom said. "It might be a little while before you remember everything."
Mary stared at her. "I was really shot, wasn't I?"
Mom pressed her lips together and nodded.
Mary looked over at Phos. "And you're not yelling at him?"
Everyone chuckled.
"No," Mom said. "We're all right now, Mary."
A knock came to the door, and a doctor in scrubs and a white coat poked her head in. "Hi there, Mary. I'm Dr. Han. Glad to see you're awake. If I may ask everyone to step outside for a moment? You may stay, Ms. Phan."
Ba kissed Mary on the forehead before she left the room with the others. Phos squeezed her hand again and followed them out.
Dr. Han explained that when Mary arrived at the ER, she actually hadn't lost much blood because the wound in her stomach had cauterized. "That was very unusual," the doctor said. "Can you tell me what caused that?"
Phos' hot hand, Mary thought. But she answered, "I don't know."
"Hm," the doctor said. "Well, it left a scar. I don't know how you feel about it, but I can make some recommendations for plastic surgeons."
"No," Mary said quickly as her hand went to her stomach. She could feel through the hospital gown the rough patch of skin there. "I want to keep it."
Dr. Han and Mom looked at one another. "All right. It's not causing any complications, so that should be fine. Anyway, just to bring you up to speed, a bullet fragment had nicked your small intestine, so you had an infection to deal with for a few days. That's why we kept you asleep for a while. But now that's past and you're awake, I'd like you to do a couple things for me. Would that be all right?"
Mary nodded.
"Good, nodding your head was actually one of them," she said, marking her clipboard.
Dr. Han asked her to do different things, like raise her arms and tell her if she felt her pinch her fingers. Then she asked, "Can you wiggle your toes for me?"
Mary did.
Mom's brow wrinkled.
"Can you do it again?" Dr. Han asked. "Wiggle your toes?"
Mary did it again.
Mom's hand went to her mouth as tears filled her eyes. "Excuse me," she said quickly before running from the room.
"What is it?" Mary asked. "Why is she crying?"
Rather than answer her, Dr. Han touched parts of her left leg. "Can you feel that?"
"Doctor," Mary said firmly. "Why is she crying? Please. Tell me."
The doctor marked her chart. Then, she looked Mary in the eye. "A larger bullet fragment was lodged in your spine. In your lower back. There's a chance you may be paralyzed from the waist down."
Mary looked at her. "You mean I can't walk?"
Dr. Han sighed and shook her head.
Mary looked down. She pulled away the blanket so that she could see her feet. She tried wiggling her toes again.
They wouldn't respond.
Mary tried and tried and tried. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get any part of her feet or legs to move.
***
Mary was moved from ICU to a regular bed. Ba and her friends stayed as long as they could before it was time for them to head back to Agape.
"I'm praying for you, Baby Girl," Emma said.
"She gonna need it," George grumbled. "Only doctors who know what they's doin' is army doctors."
"Shut up, George," Julia said. "You get better, Mary. You hear?"
The Pennys also said goodbye, and they shuffled from the room with the help of the Agape workers who came with them.
"Looks like it'll be me coming to visit you for a while," Ba said. She kissed Mary on her cheek. "I love you, Con."
"I love you, too, Ba," Mary said.
When Ba had left with the others, Mom said, "I have to go home and get ready so that I can come back for work. I'll pick up dinner on the way. Is there anything you want?"
After a week of just IV fluids, Mary was famished. "Can you stop by Spice?"
Mom smiled. "All right, but nothing too spicy. You need stuff that's easy on your stomach." She kissed Mary on her forehead. "Carter will be with you until I get back. You let the nurses know if you need anything, all right? Love-you-buh-bye."
Mary nodded. "Love-you-buh-bye."
When Mom had gone, Phos pulled a chair over and sat by her bed. He took her hand and held it in both of his.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Tired and sore," she said. "You?"
He rubbed her hand. "I learned something new."
"What is it?" she asked.
He didn't say anything, but looked down. A second later, Mary felt boiling tears fall on her hand.
"You can cry," she said.
Phos buried his face in her side. "I-I'm so sorry," he choked. "I wish there was something I could do. I'd break a million rules if I could just—" The rest of his words were lost in sobs.
Mary squeezed his hand. "There is something you can do."
He looked at her with glossy eyes.
Mary reached over and wiped away his tears. "Don't leave me," she said.
Phos said nothing. Then, he wiped his nose on his sleeve and kissed her.
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