Radiant

- 33 -

Martin


On Saturday, Phos said he was taking Mary to meet someone important.

"Are we translating?" she asked.

He shook his head. "We have to go during the day, so I'll drive. I'll pick you up from your apartment in the morning."

He arrived early in the Maxwells' Range Rover and helped her down the stairs from the apartment. Then they drove out of the city.

"Where exactly are we going?" she asked. "And who are we meeting?"

"You'll see," he said.

She frowned. It was the same answer he'd given her for the past couple days. "We're not going to go do something crazy like skydiving, are we?"

He chuckled. "No. But I didn't know you wanted to do that."

"I don't," she said. "I was just thinking of human activities you haven't done but might want to with the time you have left."

"I see," he said. Then he added, "Well, there is one thing I'd like to do with you before I leave."

"What?" she asked.

"Take you to the prom."

She wrinkled her brow. "Huh?"

"The prom," he said. "Human adolescents in the United States often attend this end-of-the-school-year event that was once called the 'promenade.' But the name somehow got shortened to—"

"I know what the prom is," she said. "But why? At prom, people just stare at what everyone else is wearing. Except the ones making out in empty classrooms or smoking behind the school."

He laughed. "I just want to know what it's like to go to this type of event. With you."

Mary stared at him. He was serious about this. Of all the stupid human activities that he could request, he had to ask to go to the prom.

"I'd rather go skydiving," she said.

He chuckled. "I wouldn't advise it in your condition."

"Will I have to dance?" she asked.

"Naturally."

"That's what I was afraid of."

He smiled. "If we go, it means I can stay longer. Otherwise, I have to leave sooner."

"Okay let's go," she said quickly.

He held her hand. "Thank you."

Phos drove for nearly two hours before Mary saw a sign saying that they were approaching the small town of Huntsman. He turned off at the next exit.

"This is where the state prison is," Mary said.

"Yes," he said.

"You're taking me to the prison?" she asked.

"The person we are meeting is there," he said.

Mary stared at him. Then, she looked forward. "Stop the car."

"Is something wrong?" Phos asked.

"Just stop the car!"

Phos pulled off to the side of the road, and Mary opened her door and climbed out.

"Where are you going?" Phos asked as he got out of the car as well.

"Tell me what this is about," she demanded. "Why are we going to the prison? Who is it you want me to see?"

He hesitated.

"Is it the guy who shot me?" she asked. "I don't want to see him. If you want me to forgive him, then I will some day. But not right now."

"We're not seeing him," Phos said. "He's being held somewhere else."

"Then who?" she asked.

"We're going to see…your father," he said at last.

Mary stared at him. "My father?"

He nodded. "I've been looking for him. Ever since we talked in the art room that first time."

Mary struggled to form complete thoughts. Her father was in prison? "Why is he there?" she asked.

Phos leaned against the side of the Range Rover. "Several years ago, there was a bank robbery in the city. There were supposed to be three people involved, but two of them abandoned the third. He panicked and took hostages. Eventually he was caught, but not before killing one of them."

Mary felt the blood from her face drain as she recalled this story. She remembered watching it on the news. "Anna. You're talking about the day Ben's wife…the man who killed her was my father?"

Phos nodded.

Mary tried to swallow. "Why are you doing this? Why did you go through all this trouble just to tell me that one of my parents is a murderer?"

"I wanted you to know the truth," he said. "I wanted you to hear it from him. He's waiting for you." He opened the passenger door again.

Mary didn't move, feeling like her legs might give out. Finally, she forced herself to get back into the car.

A little while later, after Mary and Phos were cleared and had put their personal items in a locker, an officer showed them into the prison's visiting area. It looked sorta like a school cafeteria with tables and chairs, except there was no food and guards were everywhere. A few inmates in bright orange jumpers sat at some of the tables with family members or lawyers across from them, talking in hushed voices.

"Wait here," the officer said.

Mary and Phos sat down. There was a heavy red line painted across the table. Other than that, there wasn't any color in the room.

Mary began shivering. "It's cold here," she said, although some of her shaking was from nerves. Phos wrapped his arms around her and her shivering subsided some, but not all the way.

A buzzer sounded, and an officer told one of the other families that their visit was over. The man kissed the woman and hugged the two little kids. Then, he disappeared behind the heavy door.

A few minutes later, the buzzer sounded again. The same door opened and out walked a different man. He looked like he didn't normally groom, but his face was shaved and his salt and pepper hair was combed. His eyes became as large as car wheels when he saw Mary.

The officer directed him to the chair across from Mary and Phos. "You have thirty minutes," he said. Then, he stood next to the table like a statue.

The man sat down. "Hi again, Carter." He turned his eyes back to Mary.

"Mary," Phos said, "this is Martin Lee. Martin, this is Mary Phan."

Martin nodded. "Nice to meet you. Mary." He started to extend a hand across the table.

"No reaching across the red line until the end of the visit," the officer said.

"Sorry. It's been a while since I had visitors. I forgot." Martin folded his hands in front of him. "So, Mary? You're…sixteen? Seventeen now?"

"Seventeen," she said.

"Right," he said. "Seventeen. Wow. Time flies."

"Yeah," she said. "I guess it does."

A couple seconds of awkward silence passed.

"Um, you like school?" he asked.

She shrugged. "It's all right."

"I see," he said. "School was hard for me. Reading was always tough."

Mary nodded. "It's hard for me too. I'm not good with words."

"Me neither," he said. "Never good with words. You got a favorite class?"

"I like Art," she said.

"Really?" His face brightened. "Like, pictures and stuff?"

"Yeah," she said. "Painting. We do other things, like sculpting and mix media and stuff like that. But I like painting the best."

"That's neat," Martin said. "That's real neat."

More awkward silence.

"Um, so I guess I don't need to ask you if you have a boyfriend," Martin said, nodding at Phos. "You two been dating long?"

Mary looked at Phos and smiled a little. "Not really. Just this semester."

"She agreed to go to the prom with me," Phos added.

Martin chuckled. "That should be fun. You both gonna get dressed up and everything?"

"Probably," Mary said.

"That's neat," he said. He seemed to like that word.

"Twenty minutes left," the officer said.

The smile on Martin's face faded. "Well, I guess you got some questions for me, don't you?"

Mary looked at Phos. Then, she looked back at Martin. "Why'd you do it?"

Martin began shaking his knee uneasily. "I didn't know your mama was pregnant. She was just gone, and I didn't know where or why. I don't blame her, now that I think about it. I wasn't good to her. I didn't know about you until a lawyer came with papers saying that I'd give up all my rights to you. I was an idiot. And I was drunk. So I signed them.

"Some time later, I broke my wrist and had to go to the hospital. And there was Collie. She was doing her nurse training stuff. I asked her how you were, and she said fine. Then I asked if I could see you sometime, but she said no. I guess she was still mad at me. I told her I was cleaning up and that I had a steady job at this place packing and shipping books. But she said I couldn't see you and that she'd call the police if I came and asked again.

"I guess that got me real down. Because, you know, I'd never seen you. And I was just wondering what you looked like. I thought about you a lot, Mary. The more I thought, the more I wished I didn't sign those damn papers."

"Ten minutes left," the officer said.

"You still haven't said why you did it," Mary said.

Martin nodded. "I was getting there. Anyway, when you were turning ten, I wanted to get you something. You know, since I missed all your other birthdays. I wanted to get you something nice. I didn't know what you liked, but when I was a kid, I had always wanted a telescope. I thought they were neat, so I got you one. It was really nice. I didn't have enough cash to buy it at the time, so I got it on store credit and had it sent to you. I really hoped your mama would let you have it, because it was real neat.

"But then I got laid off. I was in a bad place. I just…well, I guess I was desperate. I was worried about the telescope. Silly, huh? Weird things you worry about sometimes. I was also gonna be thrown out of my apartment, but that wasn't new. But when I had bought the telescope, the store said that if I couldn't pay it off, they'd take it back. And I didn't want them to do that, because I wanted you to have it. Anyway, I was talking with a couple of drinking buddies of mine one night, and we got this idea that we'd rob a bank. I figured I could pay for the telescope then. I know, it sounds stupid now. I don't know what we were thinking." He paused. "But things didn't go how we planned. And, well, you know what happened."

Mary wrinkled her brow. All of this was just over a telescope? Her telescope? Anna was gone, Ben was broken, and Martin was imprisoned all for a kid's toy?

"Why didn't you write to me?" Mary asked.

"I did," he said. "You never answered. I figured your mama got my letters or you didn't want to talk to me."

Mary tried swallowing the lump in her throat. "I never got them."

He nodded. "I see."

"Times up," the guard said.

Martin sighed. "It was real nice seeing you, Mary. And thanks for bringing her, Carter."

Mary felt frozen to her seat. She watched as Martin slowly stood and shuffled back towards the heavy door. Suddenly, she jumped to her feet. "I still have it!"

Martin stopped and looked back at her.

"The telescope," she said. "It never got taken back. I use it all the time to look at the moon and the other planets. It's…neat."

Martin said nothing. Then he smiled and turned quickly to wipe his eyes, letting the guards usher him back through the heavy door.

***

Mary was waiting for Mom at the kitchen table when she walked in the door the next morning.

"Hi, Sweetie. Did you have a good night's sleep?"

Mary crossed her arms. "I want the truth."

Mom looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

Mary reached behind her chair, picked up her telescope, and set it on the table carefully. "Where did this come from?"

Mom sighed. "I don't remember. I saw it in some store and—"

"Where did this really come from?" Mary interrupted. "Who really gave it to me?"

The color drained from Mom's face.

"I saw him at Huntsman yesterday," Mary continued.

"How did you find out?" Mom asked.

"It doesn't matter," Mary said, starting to tremble from anger. "Why'd you lie? Why'd you keep him from me?"

"I was trying to protect you," Mom said.

"Protect me?" Mary snapped. "Or protect yourself?"

"Both!" Mom's arms went around her stomach, like she had a terrible ache in there that she had carried for years. "He wasn't a good man. He hurt me, and I hated him. He gave up his rights to see you, but when he changed his mind later, I wouldn't let him. I didn't want you knowing how awful he was. But I…"

Mary narrowed her eyes. "But you what?"

Mom pressed her lips together as tears started falling down her face. "But I also wanted to hurt him back. I told him if he ever tried to see you, I'd call the police. I didn't hear from him for years. Then the telescope came. I was going to send it back, but then the bank robbery happened. A couple weeks later, the store he bought it from called saying that he hadn't finished paying for it. So I did."

Neither of them said anything for a while. Then Mary whispered, "How could you be so selfish? I thought all these years he didn't want to find me."

Mom pressed her lips together again. Then, she went into her bedroom, where she pulled up the mattress and took out something. She came back to the kitchen and set it on the table next to the scope.

It was a stack of sealed letters from Martin addressed to Mary.

"Because you saved my life," Mom said. "You were my baby. The one that I wanted and that I was told I couldn't have. You were my miracle. And maybe I thought if you got to know your father, you might save his life, too. I didn't want to share you with anyone. Especially him."

Mary took one of the letters and examined it. "Does Ba know?"

Mom shook her head.

"And is this why you never wanted to go with us to the art store?" Mary asked. "Because you knew about Ben? You didn't want to meet him because of Anna?"

Mom settled into the chair across from her. "I was afraid. And ashamed. I felt like it was my fault that his wife died, because I wouldn't let your father see you and he felt like he had to do what he did." She wiped her eyes. "Do you know why I became a nurse? Sure, I wanted to be able to make a better life for you. But I also wanted…forgiveness. Maybe if I helped enough strangers, I could be forgiven one day."

Mary took another envelope and looked at it. So many thoughts and emotions were going through her at that point. She wanted to scream and cry and do nothing at the same time.

"Do you hate me now?" Mom asked.

Mary looked at her. She could see the years of pain and sorrow on her face, as if she had taken off a mask she had worn for years. It broke Mary's heart.

Normally, Mary was at a lost for words in situations like this. But she remembered the time when she was little and Ba told her the story about not seeing her family again. This time, the words were simple and came easily. "No. I don't hate you. I can never hate you."

Mom looked down and cried.

Mary stood and walked around the table to her, wrapping her arms around her tightly. "I'll always be yours. You don't have to compete against anyone for me. No one else can ever be my mom."

Mom balled. Mary stroked her hair.

"But I want you to do something for me," Mary said.

Mom wiped her eyes. "What is it?"

"I want you to forgive him," Mary said, "for hurting you."

Mom wrinkled her brow.

Mary recalled a conversation she and Phos had on their first official date, back when she thought he was still Carter. "Someone once told me that if you don't forgive someone, you let them keep hurting you." Mary looked in her mother's eyes. "I don't want you to hurt anymore, Mom."

Mom stared at her for a long time. At last, she smiled and nodded. "All right. I forgive him."

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