Private Practice

chapter Eighteen


“Jackets suck. Ties suck. This whole outfit sucks. I don’t know how I let you talk me into this. I look like a moron and I probably sounded like one, too,” Junior whispered to Tyler, as if his voice might carry down the carpeted hallway and through the closed door of the conference room at Bluelick Savings and Loan where the lending committee currently convened. Tyler folded his arms across his chest—mostly to keep from fidgeting with his own tie—and gave Junior what he hoped was a reassuring look.

“You did fine, answered all their questions cogently—”

“Ty, I don’t even know what that means.”

Tyler bit back a smile. “It means you sounded like you knew what you were talking about. We both did. If they don’t approve the loan, it’s not because we had our heads up our asses.”

Grady Landry stepped out of the conference room, glanced down the hall at them, glanced away, then drew himself up and walked toward them. Tyler braced for bad news. When Grady drew even, his tombstone of a face split into a grin. He slapped Junior on the shoulder and pumped Tyler’s hand. “Congratulations, boys, you got yourselves a loan.”

Junior yee-hawed and returned Grady’s slap, whacking the big man’s shoulder hard enough to make Tyler wince, then whacking Tyler’s for good measure. “Shit, Grady. I thought you were coming down here to chase us off.”

Grady’s smile widened. “I’m entitled to a little fun now and then.” He ushered them to the lobby. “You gave the committee a solid presentation, impressed them with the project plan, the stability and skill of your team, and the numbers. Basically, you took away their reasons to say no. Go celebrate. Tyler, I’ll call you when the docs are ready.”

After another round of handshakes Tyler followed Junior out the door and into the midday sun. Junior punched his shoulder again. “Still think everyone sees you as an irresponsible troublemaker who’s only good for one thing?”

“Maybe not the irresponsible troublemaker part, but unfortunately, the person who matters most still sees me as only good for one thing.”

“You’re just going to have to show her she’s wrong. Get on over there and tell her Bluelick Savings and Loan decided to take a chance on you, and she should, too. Oh, and tell her I hope Frank’s feeling better.”

“I just saw Frank Friday night. He’s fine.”

Junior shot him a funny look, and then shook his head. “Okay, bad news. Ellie may, in fact, think you’re only good for one thing. She hauled herself over to Lexington Memorial last night because paramedics brought Frank to the ER with some kind of complication from his diabetes. I found out this morning from Lou Ann, whose cousin works the admissions desk and was on duty when they brought him in. By the time she clocked out they listed him in good condition, but last she heard they were keeping him a few days.”

Tyler stared at Junior for a minute, trying to wrap his head around the fact that Ellie hadn’t called to tell him her father was in the hospital. Not for support, a ride, a shoulder to cry on—nothing.

“Hey Tyler, hold up,” a voice called from behind him. He turned to see Roger crossing the street.

F*cking perfect, Tyler thought and felt sweat roll down his spine.

Junior squirmed out of his jacket, yanked his tie loose and wiped a forearm across his forehead. “Whew, I could use a sweet tea. I’m gonna run on over to Jiffy Java and get me one. You want one?”

“Yeah,” Tyler managed. “I’ll be right over.”

Junior jogged across the square while Roger closed in.

“Hi, Tyler. I was hoping to run into you. Got a minute?”

He made a show of looking at his watch. “About a minute.”

The blond man offered him a smile—one Tyler dearly wanted to knock off his face.

“Did Ellie explain what you saw last night?”

Tyler started walking to avoid giving in to a troublemaking impulse right in front of the bank. “I haven’t spoken to her, but what I saw last night doesn’t need any explanation.”

Roger fell into step beside him. “Well, shoot. Yes it does.” He clamped a hand on Tyler’s arm. “Wait up.”

His temper spiked. “Trust me Roger, you want to move that hand. I’m not in a ‘Congratulations, the best man won’ kind of mood right now.”

Roger lifted his hand and held it up. “Fine. Not a problem, ’cause I didn’t. Win, I mean.” He ran his hand through his hair and puffed out a breath. “I’m saying this wrong. Look, Tyler, Ellie and I are friends.”

“You looked real friendly last night.” He tightened his jaw to bite off the rest of his words. She was free to pick her friends. He hadn’t made her any promises beyond five playdates and hadn’t asked any from her. It was on him to change that.

“Last night you caught a moment of silliness, not passion. I’d just told her…” Roger broke off and glanced around, then lowered his voice. “I’d just told Ellie I’m gay.”

Okay, so the words confirmed his suspicion, but they didn’t erase the lip-lock. “And she reacted by trying to show you what you were missing?”

Roger laughed. “Sort of, but not the way you think. Believe me, Tyler, what you saw wasn’t her attempting to change my mind. It was more a good-bye and good-luck kind of thing.”

Tyler took a deep breath and released it slowly. “So, you and Ellie aren’t—?”

“Nope,” Roger said, shaking his head.

“And she’s not attracted to you?”

“Thanks for rubbing it in, but no, she’s not. She’d talked herself into believing she ought to want me, but she doesn’t. And she reached that conclusion before I told her the truth about myself. I could be the straightest guy in town and it wouldn’t change the way she feels. I’m not the one for her. If you want my opinion, I’d say her heart is already spoken for, but she’s afraid to trust what it’s telling her.” He smiled and backed up a step. “I think if someone grew a pair of balls to replace the set Junior shot off, and told her how he felt—”

“You know, I’m getting tired of folks around here speculating about my equipment.”

Roger grinned and took another step away. “Maybe you ought to make a bold move and prove us all wrong.”

“Yeah, right.” Tyler stared across the square at Ellie’s office, then turned to Roger and added, “Thanks for clarifying what went down last night.”

“No problem. Thanks for not decking me.” With a quick wave, he walked away.

Tyler took out his phone and dialed Ellie’s office. When Melody picked up, he asked, “What’s the word on Frank?”

“Hey, Tyler. He’s okay. Ellie’s going to see him up this afternoon. I’m relieved you’re in the loop. I wasn’t sure she’d told anyone. You know how contained she can be.”

“I do know,” he said drily. “How’s she doing?”

“Tired and stressed. I wish I could tell you more, but we’ve been dealing with patients since first thing this morning. We haven’t had much chance to talk. I’d let you speak to her, but she’s in with someone right now and if she doesn’t finish soon she’s not going to get ten lousy minutes to sit down and eat lunch. Want me to leave her a message you called?”

“No, that’s okay.” He didn’t want to squeeze the things he had to say to her in between patients or a trip to Lexington to visit her father. “I’ll catch up with her later.”

“I think she’ll be back from Lexington after six, if you want to try her then.”

“Thanks, Mel.” He glanced at his watch and did some quick figuring. He could do better than a phone call at six if he got his ass in gear.

…

Ellie plopped into her chair and stifled a groan when she checked the patient schedule on her desk. Busy was good, she reminded herself, but a fifteen-minute lunch break she was five minutes late starting wouldn’t do much for her headache and sagging energy. Or her hunger. She needed food and was contemplating her options—a candy bar or a bag of pretzels from the snack stash in her desk drawer—when Melody knocked on the open door and came in carrying a to-go bag from DeShay’s.

She set the bag down front and center on Ellie’s desk. “I took the liberty of ordering you a turkey and Swiss on wheat.”

Ellie’s stomach growled its approval. “I’m giving you a raise,” she said, digging into the bag. “A big one. Name your price.”

The blonde laughed and perched on the corner of the desk. “Let’s see how this month’s receipts look and then we’ll talk. Speaking of talking, I spoke to Roger last night.”

Unsure what to say, Ellie concentrated on opening the sandwich wrapper and spreading it out into a makeshift place mat.

“He told me he came out to you, and you were incredibly understanding and supportive.”

“That’s sweet of him to say, but I reacted like any friend would.”

“Not in his mind. He’s got this deep-seated fear everybody will loathe him if they know the truth, so he hasn’t opened up to many people. I’ve tried to convince him otherwise, but my assurances only go so far.” She paused, and took a deep breath. “Can you forgive me for not telling you about Roger? I promised him I wouldn’t tell a soul.”

“There’s nothing to forgive. It’s not your fault I refused to see several huge signs that were staring me right in the face.”

Melody brushed that aside with a wave of her hand. “Sometimes the journey to love involves some bumpy detours, as any girl with a gay ex-fiancé will tell you. But I’ve learned a smooth trip isn’t particularly important. Getting there is what matters.”

“Are you getting there?”

She smiled and nodded. “Yes, I believe I am, finally. Josh makes an excellent guide. He keeps me on the right path.”

“I’m glad,” Ellie said, meaning it. “Send me a postcard from happily ever after, because I don’t think I’m making the trip anytime soon.”

Melody stood and strolled to the door. At the threshold, she turned and gave Ellie an odd look. “Something tells me you’re not as far away as you think.”

Before Ellie could reply, the bell dinged from the waiting room, signaling the arrival of the next patient. She started to get up, but Melody stopped her. “Eat. I’ve got to get new insurance information and take care of the co-pay. Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of here on time.”

“Have I mentioned a raise lately?”

Melody laughed as she walked away. “Yeah, you have.”

Ellie bounced like a pinball between exam rooms all afternoon, seeing patients, writing prescriptions, updating charts…and yet somehow still found time to obsess over Tyler. Should she call him and try to explain herself, or stop by his place so they could speak face-to-face? What, exactly, should she say to him? When I asked you to teach me how to be wilder in bed, I wanted to turn myself into Roger’s fantasy woman. I never dreamed I’d end up falling in love with you. If the “I love you” part didn’t send him running for the hills, the “turn myself into Roger’s fantasy woman” would. God, Ellie, she scrubbed a hand over her tired eyes and stifled a noise somewhere between a whimper and a groan. What the hell were you thinking?

Certainly not that spending time with Tyler would be so easy, so effortless, and so addictive. She’d been physically attracted to him from the start, but his sexy smile and easy charm had distracted her from the strength of his character and the capacity of his heart. She hadn’t expected to find a friend, a confidant, a soul mate. She hadn’t expected to find love.

The half hour spent driving to Lexington to check on Frank brought her no closer to figuring out how to explain herself. Their visit offered no chance to sort through her muddled thoughts because Frank spent the entire time complaining about lousy hospital food and bloodsucking nurses. But hey, at least they were talking.

While she was there, Sharon stopped by with a get well soon gift—a diabetic cookbook. Sharon and Frank sat together on the bed, leafing through the book. Frank insisted every entrée looked “like crap,” but Sharon kept at him, and before long, had him talked him into trying one with her as soon as his hospital stay ended. Ellie said goodbye and headed out. Her dad was in good hands, and she had her own issues to tackle, starting with the screwed-up mess of her love life.

She rehearsed what to say to Tyler on the drive home. First off, she owed him an explanation as to why she’d been kissing Roger yesterday evening. That was a relatively easy conversation, compared to the thornier things she had to confess. Maybe Tyler didn’t care—they never discussed exclusivity, after all—but it mattered to her. She wanted him to know the whole truth. He deserved to know the truth, including her real motive for seeking sexual experience, no matter how sadly misguided she’d been. Hand-in-hand with the explanation about Roger, she owed him an apology for manipulating him into helping her with such a crass, calculated pursuit. Once she got all that out on the table, the chance he’d believe she’d developed genuine feelings for him, or was even capable of genuine feelings, seemed remote. Hi, I spent the last few weeks using you to help me win another man’s heart, but now I realize I don’t love him—I love you. He’d probably crack a rib laughing at her.

She parked her car in the driveway and headed to her front door, still deep in thought, and drew up short when she saw Tyler sitting on her porch steps. For a second, she simply drank in the sight of him while her heart skipped around in her chest. Belatedly, she noticed his truck parked in her driveway, between the house and the garage.

“Tyler…what are you doing here?”

He slowly got to his feet, eyes never leaving her face. “How’s your dad?”

“How did you know—?”

“It’s a small town. Word travels.”

Clearly, it did. Was that why he’d come? To ask about Frank? She approached the porch, trying without much success to get a read on his mood. As usual he exuded calm and his expression gave nothing away.

“Frank’s okay. Mismanaging his diabetes landed him in the ER, but if there’s a bright side to a night in the hospital, he seems to be taking his disease seriously. Also, he joined AA.”

Her voice held steady, but her heartbeat refused to normalize. The weight of everything she wanted to say threatened to crush her.

“Good. I hope he follows through.”

“Me, too.” Holding his clear, steady gaze, she found herself diving clumsily into an unrehearsed topic. “He told me about the ‘options’ you gave him.”

Those green eyes flashed. “I’m not going to apologize for stepping in.”

“I’m not asking you to. I’ve been trying to convince him to stop drinking for years and never made any headway. You succeeded in getting him to meetings with a single conversation. Obviously—” She swallowed and concentrated on unlocking her door because tears stung her eyes. “Obviously, I should have asked for help a long time ago.”

He placed a hand on her arm. “I had the right hammer at the right time, that’s all, and I don’t mean threatening to have him arrested. What really shook him was thinking I might actually convince you to cut him loose if he didn’t get himself together. He wants you in his life, even if his pride won’t allow him to say the words.”

Twenty-four hours ago, she would have argued to the contrary, but after her father’s apology last night, and his statements about making amends, she had to admit he seemed to be trying to repair their relationship. Not sure she could speak to say thank-you, she nodded and motioned for him to come inside. He picked up his computer bag from the porch step and followed her.

“Speaking of asking for help, you could have called me to drive to Lexington with you last night. I guess I haven’t made this clear, but I’m here for you as more than just some sex tutor. You don’t have to do everything by yourself.”

She nodded and turned to face him. This side of him no longer surprised her. He stood up for people, supported his friends. “The call came so suddenly, I honestly didn’t think about contacting anyone. Besides, you had the meeting with the bank to prepare for. I hope it went well.”

“The meeting went fine. Junior dazzled them and we got the loan.”

She grasped his hands before she could stop herself. “Congratulations. I know what this meant to you, and I’m glad they made the right decision.” But now it occurred to her that he might be on her doorstep for reasons other than Frank, and she forced herself to loosen her grip on him. “I guess…I guess you’re going to be pretty busy now, adding the Browning project to your slate.”

“I am,” he agreed. “Along with the Browning rehab, another priority arose—something I hadn’t planned on and never saw coming. It requires I shift my focus immediately.”

A lump wanted to form in her throat. She swallowed hard and nodded. She knew what was coming. Expected it. “I completely understand if you need to bow out of our last lesson.”

Tyler gave her a small grin. “I was hoping you’d let the last one slide. There’s nothing I can teach you anyway. You drive a man to his knees just fine as is. And, like I said, I’ve got this new priority.”

His words pulled a strangled laugh from her. The only man she cared to drive to his knees stood before her, about to finalize his escape. “You went above and beyond the terms of our deal—one I never should have forced on you in the first place. I leveraged your loyalty to a friend for my own benefit, not to mention completely abused the doctor-patient relationship. I’m so sorry.” On an uneven breath, she raised her eyes to his and added, “I hope one day you can forgive me.”

“Shoot, Doc. You’re making things awkward for me. I was kinda planning to turn the tables and ask for your help with something.” His smile stayed in place, but his eyes went dark and serious.

She twisted her fingers together. “Anything, but what could I possibly help you with?”

“This new priority I mentioned involves my heart. I could really benefit from your expertise. I hoped to convince you to give me five lessons.”

Air rushed from her lungs. Oh, God, a cardiac problem. Without conscious thought, she flattened her hand over his chest, her palm unerringly finding the steady, measured drum of his heart. He felt so strong, so vital. “What’s the matter with your heart?” The question tumbled out in a harsh whisper.

“It’s a little hard to explain, and I wasn’t sure exactly what help I’d need, so I took a cue from someone I know who recently found herself in a similar situation. I consulted the experts.” Before she could ask which specialists he’d seen, he reached into his computer bag and pulled out a book with five little green flags sticking neatly from the side, marking chapters. “Here,” he handed the volume to her.

She turned the book over in her hand and glanced down at the cover, not really absorbing the words, then looked back at him. “Whatever diagnosis you’ve received, we can…” Wait, what was the book’s title? She looked down again. A Hundred and One Ways to Make Her Love You Forever. “I don’t understand.”

“Simple, Doc. When you wanted to learn how to drive a man to his knees, you got yourself a book and a tutor. I need to figure out how to win a certain girl’s heart and make her love me forever, and I want you to coach me. In fact, I consider your participation essential.”

Her heart turned to lead and dropped straight into her stomach. She deserved this, undoubtedly, and silently congratulated fate or karma or whatever on the painfully ironic payback. So much for convincing Tyler she loved him. During the weeks she’d wasted ignoring and subjugating her feelings for him, he’d gone and fallen for someone else. Unfortunately, all the cosmic justice in the universe wouldn’t help her pull off his request. No way.

Blindly, she thrust the book at him. “I can’t. I’m sorry. Ask someone else. I know I said I’d do anything you needed, but when you said you had a problem with your heart, I thought you meant a health problem.” She stared at the buttons on his white shirt and took a moment to get herself under control before adding, “Besides, you don’t need any help winning hearts. Any girl would be lucky to have yours.”

He tipped her chin until she met his gaze. The corner of his mouth crooked into a half-smile. “Apparently not. I’ve been trying to win yours for a while now and I don’t seem to be getting the job done.”

Her brain refused to cooperate with her vocal chords. He simply smiled down at her, patiently.

“Mine?” she finally whispered.

“Yeah, yours. So, you see…” He placed the book on her entryway table and caught her wrists, pulling her in close. “It doesn’t make much sense for me to practice with anyone else.”

Joy surged through her and swept her anxiety and uncertainty away. She hugged him tight, reveling in the feel of his arms around her, the warmth of his chest under her cheek. When she pulled back, she looked him in the eye.

“You’re right, it doesn’t. Especially since you don’t need any practice at all. You already have my heart—probably have since the first night you showed up here with lipstick on your shirt and a bullet in your butt. But I was too fixated on my stupid plan for happily ever after to see the truth right in front of me. You’re the man I want. The man I love. You’re my happily ever—”

He cut her off with a kiss that made chapter 2 of the Wild Woman guide seem as exciting as a handshake. When her vision went gray at the edges and her head spun—either from the effects of the kiss or the need for oxygen—he lifted his head.

“I love you, Ellie. I know I’m not the upstanding Prince Charming you always dreamed of—”

“The thing about Prince Charming is, he doesn’t exist. He’s a fantasy for little girls.” Now she lost her battle with the tears. They welled and flowed, and probably tracked mascara down her face, but she really didn’t care because what she wanted to say was way more important. “You’re the real thing—a grown woman’s fantasy—sexy, unpredictable, a little bit of a bad boy, but decent to the core. You’re everything I want. You’re everything I need. I’ve outgrown fairy tales.”

Tyler hauled her up against him and cocked one dark eyebrow. “What about the Wild Woman guide? You outgrown that, too?”

“Um, I don’t know. Why?” The question ended in a squeal when he swept her into his arms and strode down the hall toward her bedroom.

“We never knocked out chapter 9. I believe I mentioned it’s one of my personal favorites.”

She gave him her best seductive smolder, despite the fact that between the tears and the mascara she probably looked like a raccoon. “Does it drive you to your knees?”

“You drive me to my knees. Always will.”

He dropped her on the bed and kissed her again. “I’m planning to spend the rest of my life proving it to you,” he said against her lips.

She laughed and pulled him down to her. “Start now.”