Private Practice

chapter Fourteen


Ellie closed the door, rested her forehead against the smooth wood, and let tears burn their way down her cheeks. There were worse catastrophes than having her father show up drunk and punch the man she was sleeping with. None sprang to mind, but realistically, she knew they existed.

A few other thoughts did spring to mind, though. Thoughts like, she didn’t know how to handle Frank anymore. Their relationship remained as dysfunctional as ever, but now, with the added bonus of the diabetes and an escalating drinking problem, her old “do your duty” approach no longer worked. She needed a new one, but unfortunately, short of hiring round-the-clock caretakers—a solution he’d never accept and she couldn’t afford anyway—she had no ideas.

Sniffing back tears, she trudged down the hall to her bedroom. Big mistake. The ridiculous, hot-pink vibrator lay on the bed, reminding her of the excitement, passion, and plain old fun she and Tyler had shared earlier in the evening. A sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob hiccupped from her throat. She pressed her fist over her chest and faced facts.

She’d be lucky if he ever spoke to her again, much less laid a hand on her. Even if he did call her, what on earth would she say? Sorry about my dad. I promise it won’t happen again? Right. Pretty clearly she couldn’t deliver on such a promise. If she had the power to make Frank behave the way she wanted, tonight never would have happened in the first place.

She crossed to the bed, tossed the vibrator into her nightstand drawer, and faced another fact. The ache in her chest stemmed not from the permanent derailment of her master plan, or from losing her tutor, but from losing Tyler. That loss hurt the most, which didn’t even make any sense, considering their deal had been temporary by design. But somehow, whenever she spent time with him, he managed to fog her brain, sweep her off her feet, and make her lose sight of her plans.

He shouldn’t have been able to do any of it. Her mind came equipped with automatic defrost to prevent dangers such as fogging. She always kept her sights on her goals, and she never, ever got swept off her feet.

A balled-up crumple of purple lace sticking out from the corner of one pillow mocked those contentions. She picked up her underwear and stuffed it in the pocket of her robe. Forget about feet, Tyler swept her right out of her panties with startling regularity.

Why do you suppose that is? a worried voice in the back of her head questioned.

Because he’s been separating females from their panties since high school. He’s good at it, which is why you wanted him as your tutor. Too bad tonight had undoubtedly sent him running for the hills. Thanks to her inability to handle her own father, she’d never learn how to seduce Roger. Good-bye golden-haired tykes pedaling little red bikes in front of a brick Tudor on Riverview. Good-bye Sundays in pew four.

Maybe she ought to consider tonight a wake-up call. She probably wasn’t cut out to be part of a large, supportive family any more than she was cut out to be a wild woman, she thought grimly as she plopped down on her bed.

Immediately restless, she shot up again and stalked to her closet. Sitting at home talking to herself did no one any good. Driving out to check on Frank at least put her medical training to use.

Fifteen minutes later she made the turn from the old highway into the subdivision she’d called home for her first eighteen years. A black pickup truck coming from the opposite direction flashed its headlights at her.

Tyler.

She pulled over. The side of the road was as good a place as any for him to officially cancel the rest of their classes. Her heart thumped hard in her chest as he approached, creating an anxious backbeat to the crunch of his boots on the roadside.

He crouched by her window and looked at her.

She looked back, throat tightening as she inspected his abused jaw. Her fingers twitched to inspect the area, make sure he was okay. Through sheer force of will, she kept her hands on the steering wheel. Still, he must have read her thoughts, because he said, “It’s fine, Ellie.”

Something about his low, calm voice cracked a dam of anger inside her. She watched in shocked detachment as her hands fisted and slammed against the steering wheel. A voice she barely recognized erupted from her throat. “It is not fine. My father hit you. You’re not fine. He’s not fine. I’m not fine!”

He had her out of the car and wrapped in his arms in the next instant, her face pressed against his chest so she felt the sure, steady beat of his heart under her cheek. She shivered uncontrollably despite the hot summer night and the warmth of his body surrounding her. Worse, she sobbed like a deranged banshee.

Tyler just held her, patient and silent, as if they weren’t standing on the roadside at midnight, and let her cry herself dry. It took a while. Finally, light-headed and raw in the throat, she raised her head back and rubbed the heels of her hands over her burning eyes.

“Oh, my God. I’m sorry.” She looked at the huge soggy spot in the center of his T-shirt. Tears and sweat and God only knew what else. “I think I owe you a shirt.”

“I owe you a pair of panties. We’ll call it even.” He tipped her chin up and inspected her face. “Feeling better?”

“Yes.” If humiliated counts as better. She drew away from him until she stood on her own two feet. “Again, I’m sorry—”

“Don’t apologize. What happened with Frank tonight? It’s not your fault.”

“He drinks too much.”

“Not your fault.”

“He’s angry because…well…” She sighed. “He’s always angry.”

“He’s angry at God, fate, the world. That’s also not your fault.”

The bone-deep certainty in his words made her want to cry again, so she forced her lips into a weak smile. “So what you’re saying is, this is not my fault?”

Tyler smiled back. “Something like that, yeah.”

She looked away. “That’s nice of you to say, but father-daughter relationships probably aren’t your area of expertise.”

“You might be surprised to hear this, but my expertise isn’t limited to sex.”

His dry tone drew her attention back to his face. She didn’t know what she expected to see in his expression, but it wasn’t the reluctant look of someone about to discuss something he clearly preferred not to talk about. The impression strengthened when he lifted the hem of his shirt and pointed to the scar running down his side.

“You asked me once how I got this. Still wanna know?”

She nodded.

“When I was twelve, Big Joe took a swipe me with the claw end of a hand ax because I didn’t stack the firewood right. He’d been drinking, because he always drank, and he’d been pissed off already, because he was always pissed off. It wasn’t the first or last time he let me know in no uncertain terms he wasn’t happy with me.”

A vision of Joe Longfoot formed in her mind: large, intimidating, with quick, hard eyes, and a mouth twisted into a permanent sneer. Unable to stop herself, she stepped close and gently touched the scar. Tears stung her eyes, picturing Tyler at twelve, defenseless against his own father, who should have protected him, taken care of him…loved him. “That’s awful,” she whispered.

“Yeah.” He took her hand and squeezed gently. “When your mom drops you off on the first day of kindergarten and never comes back, and your dad knocks the crap out of you every time you screw up, you start to wonder if maybe you’re the problem.”

Outraged that he could even think such a thing, she blurted, “Of course you weren’t the problem. They were the problem. You were an innocent victim.”

His pointed look cut her off.

She shook her head. “My situation is different.”

“It’s not. Not one damn bit. I wasted years trying to figure out what I’d done to deserve being abandoned by my mother and knocked around by my dad. Eventually I realized my parents’ issues had nothing to do with me. My mother lit out because she couldn’t take my dad’s temper anymore. She sacrificed me to save herself because I think she figured if she took me and left him with nobody to knock around, he’d come after us. Maybe she was right, but right or wrong, I could have been the best kid in the world and it wouldn’t have changed her decision. Same with Joe. I didn’t turn him into a big, mean son of a bitch. He’d been one before I came along and he stayed one ’til the day he died.”

Her rational, logical side understood his point, but some weak, emotional part of her balked at drawing a parallel between Tyler’s family and her own. There were differences. Big differences. Her mother was gone. Nothing could change that. His might be alive and well, grappling with regret, hoping to reconnect with the son she’d abandoned.

“Your mom…has she, or have you ever…?” She couldn’t get the rest of the question past the lump in her throat.

“No. I haven’t heard from her or seen her since she left.” He said the words quietly. “I’ve never tried to find her.”

“Do you hate her?”

“Hate’s the wrong word. At this point in my life, I can see her situation a little more clearly than I did as a kid. She was only twenty-three, and stuck in a love-hate relationship with a man who was probably going to be the death of her if she stayed put. So she ran. I understand why, but I can’t quite forgive her. She’s never looked me up, and I’m not hard to find considering I’ve always been pretty much right where she left me, so I figure she’s not desperate to reconnect. For me”—he shrugged—“it’s done. I don’t really need a parent anymore.”

“I do.” Admitting it made her understand why she needed to claim some responsibility for the problems with Frank. If she owned part of the problem, she could own part of the solution. Otherwise, Frank controlled everything, and he might never reach out to her.

She looked up at the moon and blinked fast. “Stupid, I know.” From the corner of her eye, she caught his sympathetic look and her heart twisted. “I never admitted this to anyone, but the main reason I came home to open my practice was because I thought I could fix things between Frank and me. I told myself he needed me now, because of the diabetes. I’d help him, and in doing so, prove I’m no longer an unwanted responsibility my mom left behind when she died. He’d be grateful, admire the grown-up me, and want us to be a real family—”

“He might.”

“Yeah, right. He hates when I come around, tells me I’m lecturing him when I try to help.”

“Yeah, but he’s always there, isn’t he?”

She didn’t know what to say to that.

“People can change. You’ve shown him what’s at stake by coming back. Maybe now it’s time to back off and see whether he can get his act together and make the changes?”

“I should go check on him, test his glucose.”

“No, you shouldn’t.”

“He could be—”

Tyler’s unwavering stare stilled her tongue. “Frank’s okay. He had a bite to eat and then we had a little heart-to-heart about his options. He needs some time alone to think things over and decide what he wants to do.”

“I don’t understand. His options?”

“I told him I’d keep those between us. He’ll tell you if he wants you to know.”

“This is…” At a loss, she thumped her tire with the sole of her flip-flop. “You expect me to just…get in my car and drive away?”

“You’re going to stop by tomorrow evening anyway, right? He told me you bring groceries on Saturdays.”

“Yes, but—”

“Tomorrow’s soon enough. What are you doing afterward?”

“Excuse me?”

“What are you doing tomorrow night after you stop at Frank’s?”

“Um…nothing.”

“Want some help doing nothing?”

…

She looked so stumped by his invitation he nearly laughed. “C’mon, Ellie. It’s too late to tell me you have to wash your hair. How about you come by my place after you stop by Frank’s?”

“You want to get together again? After everything?”

“Seems like this evening’s lesson ended prematurely.” As soon as he said the words, he wished them back. Yes, he wanted to see her tomorrow, but not so they could finish lesson whatever-the-hell number they were on. He should have asked her to dinner or a movie…a real date. He wasn’t an expert at telling a woman “I’m falling in love with you,” but he suspected the words were supposed to be accompanied by a few romantic gestures, and an orgasm probably didn’t qualify. But when Ellie responded to his comment with a big, cheek-dimpling smile, he knew he’d dangled the right bait. Disappointing, but he’d use whatever worked to keep her coming back until she finally realized she wanted more from him than wild sex.

“Seven okay?” he asked.

“Seven is perfect. I’ll bring dinner.”

A cozy dinner at his place had “real date” potential. Could be she already thought he might be good for something besides wild sex.

“Afterward,” she went on, “maybe we could—?”

“Anything you want.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously, Doc. Anything you want to do.”

…

“You really want to do this?” Tyler asked, letting his tone convey his reluctance, which he’d already expressed straight-out, multiple times.

Ellie dropped her forehead to her forearms. “For the umpteenth time, yes.” Lifting her head, she turned and stared over her shoulder. “You promised.”

His dick didn’t want to argue. The sight of her kneeling on all fours in front of him, naked and dewy from the rain-heralding humidity, had that particular part of him straining to comply, but his brain kept interfering. “You don’t know what you want. You’ve never done this before.”

“I know I want to try, because the book says men love chapter 13. It gets five stars, for crying out loud.”

“I’ll bet in the book on how to drive women wild, it gets zero stars.”

“If you ever take lessons on driving women wild, you don’t have to pick this. Look, nothing’s wrong with my power of speech. If I don’t like it, I’ll tell you to stop, okay? I trust you.”

He scrubbed his hand over his face. How could he argue with trust? “You win. Where’s the lube?”

She grabbed it from the nightstand and passed the tube to him. “I thought you said as long as you had two hands and a tongue we wouldn’t need lube?”

“I stand corrected. Now shut up.”

He entertained himself for a few minutes rubbing lube over her, concentrating on familiar territory he knew she liked, basically massaging between her legs until she moaned and rocked into his touch. Sure, he was stalling, but she didn’t seem to mind—

“Tyler, this is all very nice, and”—he slipped a finger inside her tight, wet channel—“oh…jeez, stimulating, but—”

Yeah, but. “All right, hold on a second.” With his free hand he felt around on the bed until he found what he was looking for. Another dab of lube, and he nudged his way along the cleft between her cheeks to his target. Then he pressed very, very gently.

“That’s not…so bad,” she said, her voice rising at the end because she squirmed to try and hurry him along.

“That’s Thumper.”

She stilled. “Thumper?

“Yep.” He could almost hear the gears in her brain turning as she ran her calculations. He was bigger, wider, and longer than the vibrator. Thank God he’d told her to bring the thing tonight. He might have to rename it “The Deal Breaker.”

Ellie flipped over, wrapped her arms around her drawn-up knees and stared at him with huge eyes. “You’re right. I don’t want to do this.”

“Good.” Gripping her hips, he hauled her up into his arms, one hand supporting the ass she’d been so anxious to give him a piece of, the other fanned across her back. Her hands flew to his shoulders at the same time her legs clamped around his waist. Ignoring her squeak of surprise, he stood. “I’ve got a better idea. Grab the blanket, will you? My hands are full.”

“Oh-kay.” Despite the skeptical reply, she reached down and snagged the lightweight blue quilt.

He carried her down the hall and straight out the back door. The big, glowing orb of a moon turned her skin alabaster and edged the quickly encroaching rainclouds bunched low over the treetops with silver.

“Tyler, have you lost your mind? It’s going to rain.”

He stopped in the flat, grassy area in the middle of his oak-shrouded yard. “You won’t melt. Drop the blanket.”

She did. He toed the edges out into a square, then sank to his knees and lowered her until she lay across the spread. His breath hitched at the picture she made, bathed in moonlight. Still not the right setting to bare his soul and tell her he wanted to be more to her than…hell…the guy who’d talked her out of chapter 13, but maybe he could show her. He crawled over her. She smiled up at him and shivered.

“Cold?”

“No. This is the best I’ve felt all day. You’re right. I won’t melt.”

Well, hopefully she would, but not from a little rain. He leaned in and covered her soft, smiling lips with his, sinking into a long, hot, wet, endless kiss.

“I don’t remember the naked backyard campout chapter from the handbook,” she said, a bit breathlessly, when he lifted his head.

“Not everything worth learning is summarized in a book. Sometimes you’ve got to rely on instincts.” To prove his point, he cupped her jaw and kissed her again, worshipping her mouth, not stopping until she clutched his shoulders and made urgent little sounds in the back of her throat. When he looked down at her this time, dazed brown eyes stared back at him.

“I’m not sure what the lesson is, Tyler.” Her whispered admission and concerned look sent flames licking hungrily up his abdomen and spreading into his chest. Type A Ellie liked to know the rules, liked knowing what to expect. Flying blind made her nervous. He prepared to make her all kinds of nervous.

“Trust me.”

“I do. But…”

Her voice trailed off when he put his lips to work on her jaw, her throat, the smooth curve where neck became shoulder. “I could kiss you all night,” he murmured against her skin.

“You couldn’t. You’d get chapped lips,” she managed, spearing her fingers in his hair and bowing her spine as he flicked his tongue over her perfect, pebbled nipple.

He laughed and transferred his attention to her other breast. “Can’t help it. You’re so beautiful.”

The fingers in his hair stilled. “You don’t have to say things like that.”

“Like what?” He kissed the soft swell directly over her heart. “The truth?”

He did have to say things like “you’re beautiful,” he realized, feathering his fingertips down her fluttering stomach, because she honestly didn’t know. How could he have overlooked the words for this long? Time to fix the oversight.

“You’re beautiful here…” He kissed her stunned mouth.

“Tyler, don’t—”

“And here.” He brushed his lips over the vulnerable hollow at the base of her throat and swallowed a satisfied smile when her pulse beat an erratic rhythm under his lips.

“Don’t…” she gasped again, arching involuntarily when he swirled his tongue around her belly button. It took a few beats for her to find her voice, but eventually, her weak, “I’m not,” reached his ears.

“You don’t have the first clue, do you?” He wedged his shoulders between her legs and kissed the point of her hip. “How beautiful you are. Every inch of you…” His voice dropped and he kissed her between her thighs, where she was already hot and wet.

Her head tipped back and strangled denial caught in her throat. He kept right on kissing her, licking, sucking, swirling his tongue over her until she shivered uncontrollably.

Moving up her body, linking his fingers with hers, he brought their joined hands to rest on either side of her head. “Look at me, Ellie.”