Playing Patience

Fourteen



Patience



I couldn’t decide what was worse—what my dad put me through when Zeke dropped me off Sunday morning or seeing him with the slutty redhead. The abuse my dad handed me kept me out of commission for the rest of the week, but seeing Zeke with the half-naked skank was going to keep me down much longer. I knew that the minute I felt like running to the bathroom and puking up the little bit of food I’d managed to eat that day.

I’d spent the week hiding in my room while I pretended to go to school and practice. The table ride my dad took me on when I got home from Zeke’s house had left me with a set of fractured ribs. So I spent the week in bed, barely able to breathe. It was the longest week of my life and not until Saturday morning did I even feel close to normal.

Things were definitely getting out of hand and needed to change. I was getting desperate and having crazy thoughts. I was starting to plan my getaway. The plan was to pack the dreaded gray Toyota full of everything I could, kidnap Sydney, and drive until I couldn’t drive anymore. It’s what I really wanted to do, but with my mom hanging on to dear life, literally, I couldn’t bring myself to leave her.

It seemed like the only time I felt alive anymore was when I was with Zeke. He was slowly becoming my freedom. So when Megan texted me and told me Blow Hole was playing at The Pit, I jumped at the chance to see him. Had I known I’d leave The Pit with fractured ribs and a fractured heart, I would’ve stayed my stupid ass in bed.

I wanted to leave right then and go home, but that wasn’t a possibility. I wasn’t sure I’d survive another attack from my dad so soon after the last time I came in late looking like, what he called, a slutty heathen. So I spent the rest of the night playing the third wheel to Megan and Chet. I even followed them back to Finn’s garage and took an already opened drink from some dude I didn’t know. Self destruction was kind of my thing now apparently.

I camouflaged myself in a corner with my red cup full of God knows what and watched as the people around me laughed, got high, and lived free lives. My ribs were still hurting like a bitch, but I didn’t care. And then I looked across the garage and saw Zeke staring back at me and everything changed. The room disappeared, including everyone in it. I felt my nerves go into hyper drive when he started to creep across the room toward me. His eyes never left my face and he had on his signature pissed-off expression.

“I see you’re the original party girl now,” he pointed to my cup.

“I see you took the trash out and dumped her somewhere,” I said, referring to the redhead.

He grinned at me and shifted his bangs out of his eyes. “Do you want me to get you a napkin? There’s a little bit of jealousy on your chin.”

I glared back at him. He was right. I was totally jealous, but at the same time, it was wrong of me to want him for myself when I could never be his. Not in the biblical sense anyway. No guy I knew would ever be okay with never having sex and sex wasn’t an option for me. I didn’t think it ever would be.

“I have nothing to be jealous of.”

I wished I could’ve had a better comeback than that, mostly because it was a big, fat lie, but also because he was so snappy with the comebacks and I wanted to burn his ass with a good one.

His face suddenly got serious. “You’re right. You have nothing to be jealous of.”

I wanted to ask him what that was supposed to mean, but it seemed useless. Instead, I tilted up my cup and took a big swig of the mystery drink. When I brought my cup down, I blurted out the one thing that was eating at me.

“Did you sleep with her?” I asked.

His face was stone-like, dark skin over steel. His eyes cut into mine and I knew I’d gone too far. I sounded like a jealous girlfriend and it was none of my business who he had sex with. I knew that and he knew that.

“You’re a nosey one tonight, aren’t you?”

I didn’t miss the fact that he didn’t answer my question.

“Whatever,” I said as I pulled away from the wall and started to walk away.

He grabbed me around the wrist and pulled me back.

“No,” he said.

That tiny word made everything better and I hated it. Why did I care who he slept with? He was a sexual guy and I was sure he screwed a different girl every chance he got, but somehow seeing it made it real and it sucked.

“Good, there’s hope for you yet. I knew there was a decent guy in there somewhere.” I attempted to smile at him.

He didn’t smile back. Instead, he leaned in and glowered down at me.

“I wouldn’t be too hopeful, snowflake. Do yourself a favor and quit deluding yourself into thinking there’s anything even remotely decent about me. I make the guy your daddy warned you about look like a little bitch. I get high, I drink, and I like to f*ck. If you’re as smart as I think you are, you’ll jog your pretty little ass back to Pleasantville and stay away from me.” He licked his thick lips in emphasis before he lifted his beer and downed it like it was water.

“You just proved my point. Only a nice guy would give a girl like me that kind of warning.”

There was more to him than just sex, drugs, and music. I’d gotten a glimpse of the decent guy he kept locked inside. He could try and hide from me all he wanted, but I knew the truth. He was good. He could’ve left me to die, but he didn’t. He could’ve taken full advantage of me in his room that night, but he didn’t.

Sometimes when he looked at me, I saw more in his eyes. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it was a spark of something that begged to be released. It wasn’t the delusions of a girl with a crush. I wasn’t seeing things that weren’t there.

He moved quickly and pressed me up against the wall. His large hands captured the sides of my waist and gently squeezed. My ribs ached and protested, but I didn’t show any pain. Leaning down, he ran his lips up the side of my neck until I could feel his breath against my hairline. He nipped at my earlobe and then planted a soft kiss behind my ear. My legs wobbled and my eyes closed.

“You’re doing it again, pretty girl,” he whispered. The smell of vodka roamed around me. “You need to understand the nature of the beast. Even a rattlesnake hisses in warning before he attacks.”

I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “You wouldn’t attack me.”

“You bet your sexy khaki-covered ass I would.”

“Then do it.” I dared him.

He leaned back and looked down at me with an arrogant smile.

“Nah, you haven’t earned it. Plus, I have a thing for redheads.” He fingered a strand of my hair.

And just like that I was pissed off. He was so annoying! He thought he was all that with his overconfident ass smothered in sexiness. He thought he was God’s gift wrapped in tattoos and piercings. It was like he expected women to drool over him. Well, damn him and damn me for doing exactly what he expected. I could practically feel the drool on the side of my mouth.

Did he think because he was baked in red-hot lust and seasoned with pheromones he could talk to people any way he wanted? Did he think because he could play the guitar all the women around him were just supposed to turn into Zeke groupies?

Sure, I totally wanted to throw my panties at him every time he played, but the point is he didn’t know that.

“You’re so aggravating. It’s like you live to piss me off and I’m over it, all of it. So go get your slutty little redhead. I’m glad she wants you so badly, because I sure as hell don’t. I really couldn’t give a shit less about what you do with her. I hope you f*ck her until her face falls off. ” I turned away and flicked my blond hair with the back of my fingers, making sure it whipped him in the face.

He grabbed a fist full of it and gently tugged me against him. His warm body was pressed against my back. His strong heartbeat slammed into my shoulder, reminding me how tall and big he was. His breath tickled my cheek as he pressed his lips to my ear. Goosebumps invaded every inch of my skin and I shivered. He felt my shiver and chuckled softly. It was deep and dark… sexy.

“Spit all the lies you want, snowflake.” His hand snaked around me and under my shirt. My abdominal muscles clenched, making my ribs ache as he ran his finger around my belly button. “Your body spoke my language the other night and it said differently. I’m not stupid. I see the way you look at me. It’s hot and I f*cking love it. I bet you fantasize about me, too. One day you’re going to beg me for the things you fantasize about. If you’re a good little girl, I might give you some relief when that time comes. So I suggest you play nice.” He planted a hot kiss on the side of my neck and then cold air rushed in against my back and replaced him.

I stood there in shock for a bit. For one, I’d never talked like that to another human being in my life. The F-bomb wasn’t something I dropped very often and I surprised myself when the world slipped out. Two, my body was super sensitive and I felt like melting into a big pile of Patience right there in the middle of Finn’s shitty garage.

He was right. I had responded to him that night at his house. I was responding to him now. I wanted things from him that made my stomach flutter and turn at the same time, but wanting and doing were two different things. I fantasized about the things I could never do and then punished myself for thinking the things that were a direct conflict with my sanity.

The point was Zeke was making me even crazier than I already was, and staying away from him was the best thing I could do, but I couldn’t. The messed up part was I loved the way he made me feel. I loved the color he brought to my life. In the moments when life sucked away all my oxygen, he swooped in and helped me breathe. He was practically a stranger, a bad boy from the wrong side of town, but in some bizarre way he helped me survive.

I slammed my empty cup in the trash and headed for the door. Megan was cozy in Chet’s lap and I wasn’t about to take her away from him just so she could take me home. I had two feet and after being barricaded in the house for a week, I needed the exercise. I couldn’t even find it in myself to be afraid of the repercussions of coming in late. With the mood I was in, I’d be more afraid if I were my dad. I could totally see myself breaking his fingers and not giving a shit who in the house knew it.

Finn’s neighborhood wasn’t the greatest. There were a lot of cars on blocks and sirens. I’m pretty sure I passed a few drug deals, and once, a group of guys whistled at me, but after an hour of walking, the area became cleaner. I walked into a gas station that had bulletproof glass around the registers and bought a pack of gum to get rid of the smell of alcohol. Then an hour after that, I was on my side of town.

My cheeks burned from the cold air as I huddled into my jacket. My lungs hurt from breathing in the cold and my ribs were aching so bad I wanted to cry. Walking this far wasn’t my brightest idea, but at that point I was almost home. That was a good thing considering the night was turning gray and I knew the sun would be up soon.

I would’ve called Megan to come and get me, except my expensive phone couldn’t seem to ever hold a freaking charge. A dead phone wasn’t very useful to anyone and it crossed my mind several times to just the throw the damn thing in the road and let someone run it over.

Finally—I’m not sure how much longer due to my dead phone and no watch—I walked through the front gates of my neighborhood. I was coming around the corner and could see my house in the distance when I heard squealing tires all around me. I froze as Zeke’s beat-up car pulled up and he slammed on the brakes right in front of me.

He jumped out of the driver’s side with wild eyes. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialed a number, and then waited

“Hey. … Yeah, I found her. … Okay, I will,” he said into the phone.

He stuffed it back in his pocket, then stared at me with angry eyes.

“Where is your phone?” he asked calmly.

Anger was bubbling just below the question and I could tell at any minute he was about to lash out on me. I didn’t know why, but he was definitely pissed off at me.

“It’s in my pocket. It’s dead. Why? What’s wrong?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath.

“Megan’s been calling you and texting you all f*cking night. Please tell me you didn’t walk here all the way from Finn’s house.”

“Why? Is she okay?” I started to panic.

I shouldn’t have left her there alone. A real friend would’ve stayed.

“She’s fine! She’s freaking out because you were nowhere to be found. We thought someone ran off with you or some crazy shit like that!” I jerked when he raised his voice at me. “Now, again I ask, did you walk all the way here from Finn’s house?”

I was afraid to answer the question.

“Well, I didn’t mean to make her worry, but as you can see, I’m perfectly fine.” I held my arms out to my sides to show I was fine. “I’m sleepy as hell and I fully plan on going home and passing out, but other than that, I’m fantastic.”

I stepped around him and started toward my house, but I didn’t get far before he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. His nostrils flared as he stared down at me with pinched lips. His face was turning red and I was afraid I was about to feel the wrath of Zeke.

“Answer the question.” His words were a sinister whisper.

I met his stare until I couldn’t anymore and I had to look away.

“Yes, but it was fine. See? I’m fine.”

He dropped my arm and shook his head at me. Still, his angry eyes burned into my flesh.

“Do us both a favor and stay on your side of the world. Don’t come to The Pit. Don’t come to Finn’s house. Just stay the hell away from all of us.”

And then he turned and walked away.

His words hurt. They hurt way more than they should have. I felt them snake around me and squeeze until I couldn’t breathe. Just a few hours ago he was melting me, but with those words he did more than melt me. He seared me and then turned me to ash.

His tires squealed once more as he drove away. All that was left of him were two burnt rubber marks on the road in front of me.