Playing It Safe

CHAPTER THIRTY


Did you tell Sophia?” Sabrina asks.

“Of course I did,” I say. “I’d want to know if it was me. Wouldn’t you?”

She thinks about it for a second and then says, “Yes, I would. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what she does with the information.”

“Ah, that’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? But at this point it’s out of my hands. If she chooses to stay with him, so be it.”

It’s been a few days since the whole Aiden debacle. I finally came to my senses and realized I needed my best friend’s advice sooner rather than later. So I texted her earlier today to let her know that I would Skype her tonight after I got out of work. To say she was shocked to hear about the developments with Alex and me would be putting it mildly. But she was more shocked to hear about Aiden’s part in all of it. Quite frankly, I still am too.

“So what are you going to do?” she asks in a soft voice.

I sigh out loud and rub my eyes with the heels of my hands in frustration.

“Uh-oh, you’re sighing—that can’t be good,” she says.

“Sabrina, I’m scared.”

“Alex obviously loves you. What’s there to be scared about?”

This time my sigh is tinged with a small chuckle.

“Seriously, I love you to death, Julia, but if you sigh one more time, I’m going to stab you in the eye.”

“I really f*cked up, Sabrina. Like huge, gargantuan f*ckup. The kind of f*ckup that if I was him, I don’t know if I have it in me to forgive so easily.”

She raises one eyebrow and grins. “And who said it was going to be easy?”

“Nobody, that’s the point,” I say with another sigh.

“What did I tell you about sighing?”

“Duly noted,” I reply.

“Look, Julia, there’s no doubt that you messed up. What you said to him about Katerina was so harsh, even for you. But sometimes we say and do things that we don’t mean. We don’t think about the repercussions while it’s happening because all we can think about is protecting ourselves. And that’s exactly what you were doing.”

“Do you mind explaining that to Alex for me?” I ask. “It sounds so much more logical coming from you.”

“Very funny,” she says.

“I have feelings for Alex that I honestly thought I would never have for anyone after—”

“Don’t you dare say his name,” Sabrina says, cutting me off. “He forever shall be known once again as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.”

“Right. Sorry, I forgot. Anyway, as I was saying, I never thought I’d feel this way again. But it’s different.”

She tilts her head to the side and asks, “Different how?”

“Well with Alex … shit, I don’t even know how to explain it to you. He just is. He’s …”

“He’s what?” she asks and then leans forward so that her face is consuming my screen and not in a cute way.

“Dude, back up, you’re freaking me out.”

She does and immediately asks the same question.

“He’s amazing, Sabrina,” I admit with a sad smile. “I don’t know if it’s because we were friends for a while before we started dating or what, but whatever it was between us was pretty goddamn perfect.”

Her mouth drops open in shock, so I lightly tap the screen with my finger. “Close your mouth; you don’t want flies going in there.”

The initial shock wears off, and Sabrina is all smiles now.

“Why are you smiling like that?” I ask her even though I can already imagine what the hell is going through her head.

“You’re so head over heels in love with him.”

I all of a sudden become interested in a small string hanging from the hem of my T-shirt. Here’s the thing—up until this point, I’ve been telling myself that maybe I’m in love with him, maybe I’m not, back and forth like I’m on a seesaw. However, in the deepest recesses of my mind and heart I know the truth. I am in love with him—head over heels, dedicating songs to each other, in love with him.

“Hey,” she says, trying to get my attention again, “stop trying to ignore me.”

“I’m not ignoring you.”

Then Sabrina’s lips morph into a sneaky smile. “Julia, I’m going to ask you a couple of questions, and you must answer them honestly with the very first thing that comes to mind, okay?”

Rolling my eyes at her attempt to play psychiatrist, I wave my hand at her and tell her to go on. Can you guess what she asks me? Yeah, pretty predictable.

“Are you in love with Alex?”


“Oh, Sabrina, aren’t you the clever one?”

“I learn from the best,” she says sarcastically. “And answer the question.”

I take a quick breath and then exhale, and in a rush of words I say, “Yes. I’m truly, madly, deeply in love with him.”

“Yes!” she exclaims with a fist pump. “I knew it!”

“Shhh, keep your voice down. I don’t want Tyler to come and—”

Too late.

Tyler comes in behind her dressed all in black from head to toe, leaving no room for interpretation of what his favorite color is still. He’s smiling his signature “I’m hot as hell and I totally know it” smile at us. Well, he probably doesn’t call it that, but to me that smile should be branded and is all kinds of trouble.

I wave to the screen halfheartedly. “Hey there, Tyler, I see that you’re still trying to bring sexy back.”

“Julia,” he tries to say with a straight face, “I see that you’re still as blunt as ever.”

Sabrina rolls her eyes and laughs. “Don’t encourage her.”

He bends down and kisses the top of her head. “I only came in because I heard you yell. Is everything all right?”

“It’s far from all right, Tyler,” I say. “In fact, I’d say it couldn’t get much worse.”

He knits his eyebrows together and looks at Sabrina. She shakes her head in a dismissive fashion and then says, “Don’t listen to her. She’s being dramatic because she’s heartbroken, but she won’t be for long.”

“Would you stop with that?” I say to her. “You’re embarrassing me in front of your man.”

“You have got to be kidding me. You’re telling me to stop after the countless times you’ve embarrassed me in public? Oh, hell to the no!”

Tyler looks between us and shakes his head. “Okay then, I can see that I’m not needed here.”

He turns on his heel and leaves the room as quickly as he appeared.

I start to laugh because she’s totally right. Me, Ms. Big Mouth herself, telling her to stop embarrassing me is definitely a sign that things are changing in my life. So what do I do? I let her bask in the glory that for once she has the upper hand on me.

She stops her gloating as I come down from my laughing fit. “Seriously, Julia, you need to talk to him. Be honest and don’t hold back. Tell him what you told me, and I guarantee you everything will be fine.”

“You really think so, Sabrina?”

“I know so,” she says. “I pinky swear.”

She raises her hand to the screen and wiggles her pinky finger at me. I smile in spite of myself and do the same thing back at her, hoping that she’s right.

After we disconnect the session, I pick up my cell phone. Alex’s name is the first one that shows up on my contact list, but I’m probably the last person he wants to hear from right now. Even after Sabrina’s pep talk, I’m still too much of a coward to reach out to him. Then again, something like this should be done face-to-face.

Yes, that’s it. That’s the excuse that I’m going to go with for yet again tucking my tail and running away from the very best thing that’s ever happened to me.

I’ll do it tomorrow. Isn’t that what Sabrina’s always saying anyway? Everything looks better tomorrow, or some shit like that. God, you would think that I would have that memorized by now. I catch myself sighing again and stop. Tomorrow it is.