“As my need took over, my morals went out the window. I ended up taking a job with a really shady character. He asked me to procure certain…things for him.
“At first I didn’t mind. I’d find him what he wanted, deliver it to him and get paid handsomely as a result. I didn’t want for much, the money paid for my schooling, and my lifestyle, and I still had a little left over. I chose what he wanted carefully and didn’t consider that I was hurting anybody. At least until I met someone.
“I had seen her around for a while and she seemed, let’s say – ideal. But something happened, and I found myself helping her out, instead of using her like I normally would. As I got to know her, we became great friends, and together we starting working on something different that would fund both of our habits.
“It was all working really well, and we didn’t consider our drug use to be a problem. At least until my boss found out that I had goods I wasn’t delivering to him.
“He threatened my life, and to save myself – I hurt my friend.
“After that, I hit the drugs really hard, and it wasn’t long before I overdosed. I guess I wanted to die. The drugs had taken over, and I wanted it all to be over.
“But - I survived. I got help. And now, I’ve been sober for nine months.”
As the group claps their hands to congratulate his sobriety, Justine places her hand on mine and squeezes me reassuringly.
I turn my attention to her and blink rapidly. Tears spill from my eyes.
I didn’t even realise I was crying.
***
When the meeting is over, we’re invited to mingle over coffee or tea and some biscuits. I don’t want to stay, but Justine insists that I do.
“You need to find yourself a sponsor,” she reminds me.
I nod at a few people, who smile at me to be friendly, and make my way to the coffee urn.
“Paige?”
I close my eyes. I knew he’d come over to me, but I’d hoped he’d stay away. I turn to see him standing beside me, a pained expression on his face as bites his lip, waiting for me to respond. “Braden.” There is no emotion to my voice as I regard him. Even after his story, I still hate him.
“I can’t tell you how happy I am to see that you’re ok,” he breathes.
“I can’t tell you how unhappy I am to see that you’re ok,” I retort.
He sighs. “Alright. I guess I deserve that.”
“And then some,” I laugh humourlessly.
He busies himself, readying his own cup of International Roast coffee, piling in the sugar to make it palatable, before speaking again.
“You know that girl in the story is you right?” he asks “You have to know that I didn’t want to take you to him.”
“Then why did you?”
He stands in front of me and takes a breath, as if he is planning on trying to explain, but he stops himself.
I lean in close and speak so only he and I can hear. “Do you know what he does to his girls Braden? He keeps them constantly medicated and uses their body like it’s a toy. And he shares his toys. He’s very generous like that. He likes to play with his toys until they broken Braden, and then he throws them out. Just like that,” I tell him, snapping my fingers for emphasis. “It’s people like you who allow him to do that. You keep his meat fresh, so he’s never left wanting.”
His eyes are wide as the colour drains from his face. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.
“You could say sorry to me ten times a second, for the rest of my life, and it still wouldn’t be enough. There is nothing you can do to change what happened. Nothing that can take it all away.”
“Let me try Paige. Please. I need to try and make it up to you.”
“There’s nothing you can do,” I say as I step away from him and move back toward Justine. “I attended,” I say when I reach her. “Can we go now?”
“Do you know that guy?” she asks, looking over at Braden.
“No. I don’t think I ever knew him at all.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine