“No smoking indoors Liam,” Edith calls after him.
“Fuck you,” he throws over his shoulder, lighting a cigarette anyway. He thumps his hands against the glass doors and pushes his way out into to the garden, blowing a lungful of smoke inside through the gap as it closes.
“Well, I think we might let that be the end to our session for the day,” Edith announces, as he walks out of view.
Relieved, I stand to leave, picking up my jacket from the back of my chair and swinging it around my body as I slip my arms inside.
“Don’t think you’ve gotten away with not sharing Paige. Eventually, you’ll need to talk. If it isn’t in here, then you’ll need to do it in the private sessions. You won’t recover properly without it,” Edith informs me quietly. Although, I don’t respond beyond staring at her blankly.
Pressing her lips together in a tight smile, she squeezes my arm gently before turning her attention towards Kerri, who’s complaining about the way Liam spoke to her.
I lean down to the ground and pick my book up off the floor. Reading is my one pleasure. There is a small library in the facility, where we can check out books to read in our down time. There is a lot of down time. Books help me escape and avoid talking to anyone. I don’t want to make friends. I want to do my time here and get the hell out.
I’ve noticed few of the girls reading romance novels. I can’t even think romantically right now. Instead, I read big heavy fantasy novels. I like to be transported to another world where magic is a possibility, because this one just plan sucks.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
When my ninety days are up, Justine returns to collect me. I’m free from drugs. I’ve put on some weight, and I’m about to be taken to my new accommodation.
“Happy Birthday for last week,” she says to me, as I get in the car.
“Thanks I guess,” I reply, clicking my seatbelt across my body.
She starts to drive and make small talk along the way. Inwardly, I roll my eyes. I’m not interested in going through this again.
“I’m told you weren’t very cooperative in therapy,” she says after a while.
I bounce my shoulder in reply and look out the window. It’s something they were constantly on my back about. They wanted me to talk. They wanted to hear all about my past and get to me spill my guts about everything I’ve done.
But, I didn’t want to talk about anything that’s happened to me in my life. I still don’t want to talk about it. It’s a darkness in my soul that no amount of talking is going to turn light. So I don’t see the point.
But everyone in there talked. Even Liam started talking after a while. They all talked about the things they did to get their hands on drugs, and what they did while on them. No-one’s story is quite the same as mine.
I didn’t share. I didn’t make friends. I preferred everyone to think I was a standoffish bitch, instead of having those people, who have gone through addiction the same as me, actually look at me with pity in their eyes. I don’t think I could recover from that.
The more I listened to them talk, the more I realised just how unforgivable everything I’ve done is. I don’t even want to think about it.
“I’m sure this sounds like a broken record Paige, but you’re going to have to talk eventually,” she reminds me.
“Where are we going?” I ask her in response, hopeful of a subject change.
“Lemongrove. Now that you’re eighteen and officially an adult. You’ll be living on your own in a flat there. You’ve been set up with some furniture, and you’ll be going to TAFE to complete your high school certificate. There are lots of programs that will help you get a job when you’re done. But for now, you need to stay clean, go to school, and meet with me once a week.”
“What if I don’t do any of that?”
“Then you lose your assistance. Simple as that.”