My drug of choice is coke, so when I find a man on a coke high, I aim straight for him. They generally have more on them to keep the high going. I long for the euphoria that coke gives me, it makes life seem worth living. Even though it really isn’t anymore.
Still riding my high, I continue to dance with this guy whose name I forgot the moment he told me. I’m feeling like the sexiest woman in the world as I sway my hips and shoulders along with him.
Eventually, he leads me outside. I cling to his hand, trotting along beside him, in my ridiculously high heels until we make it to a parking garage.
“Where’s your car?” I ask, leaning against his chest and tilting my head up to look into his face. He brings his mouth down to mine, taking hold of my face on either side as he explores my mouth with his tongue.
It feels ok. But it’s all starting to feel the same now. Each kiss takes another piece of my self-respect with it. Without the drugs, I don’t think I could keep doing this.
“This one will do,” he says, taking me by the shoulders and spinning me around, so I’m pressed up against the back of the nearest car.
With quick hands, he lifts my dress and pushes me forward, working my panties to the side as he inserts himself inside me. Pumping and panting as he drives back and forth. I only hope he’s wearing a condom, because I didn’t notice him putting one on.
Unfeeling, I study the paint work of the car I’m lying on top of. It’s red, like a fire engine. Small lights reflect off it, and I wonder what the owner would think if they knew what was happening to their car right now. The only thing I can really care about, is the fact that it’s now unlikely I’ll get that free bed tonight.
Oh well, at least he gave me coke.
He grunts as he finishes and pulls out of me. Standing, I turn around, readjusting my clothing so I’m decent, and feeling relieved as I watch him remove a condom and flick it on the concrete ground with a splat.
It’s then that I notice the wedding ring. Inwardly, I roll my eyes, annoyed at my own stupidity - he was never going to take me home.
“Thanks for that. It was just what I needed,” he says, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a set of car keys. “I’ll see you around.” He leans in and kisses me on the cheek, like we’re friends or something, and wanders off, just leaving me leaning against the car.
“This is bullshit,” I say to myself, as I trudge back to the club and collect my things. I curse myself constantly, and I walk the streets. Now I have to pay for a motel room.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The city is a big place, and I’ve travelled around, trying not to enter the same club twice. But I’m running out of places to go. Eventually, I’m right back where I started. I’m at Planetary, the club where I met Ed. I just hope to god, he isn’t inside to see me.
It’s been almost three months since I last saw him. I have done some terrible things to avoid sleeping on the streets. I have stolen and lied more times than I’m comfortable admitting, and I’ve slept with more faceless men than I even care to think of. But I keep going. Such is my existence.
Tonight, I aim for a guy who’s really into the music. He’s dancing holding a drink of water. I can tell he’s on something. I slide in near him and whisper in his ear. He grins and pulls me toward him, then drives his tongue halfway down my throat.
“You want what I have do you?” he asks in my ear.
“I do,” I reply, giving him my sexiest half-lidded look.
He mouths the word ‘open’. I do as he says and swallow when he drops a pill in my mouth. We dance for a while as I wait for the familiar feeling of dropping an E to take over me.
But it’s not an E. Now that it’s working. I know it’s not. I think I just dropped acid. It’s something I never wanted to do.