Matt sits back and laughs to himself. “After you sought him out. I watched you. I watch you now. You’re using him.”
“I’m not using him,” I argue. My voice comes out small, and I’m having trouble maintaining eye contact.
“So you’re in love with him then? You want to build a life with him? Maybe get married – have a couple of kids?”
I drop my face and close my eyes tightly to get some control before boldly saying, “What do you want?”
“The truth.”
“About what?”
“About what you’re doing with my friend.”
We sit and stare at each other for a moment. Me, refusing to answer, and him, refusing to look away. There’s a tension in the air between us, and it’s making me angry. It makes me nervous.
He wins. I’m the first to break the stare.
“I don’t have to listen to this,” I say and stand up, holding my book with the intent to make my way into Ed’s room and lock the door. But, I’m halted when Matt’s hand takes hold of my arm. “Please let go,” I whisper.
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-two.”
“I don’t believe you.”
He stands up behind me. He’s so close. I turn around and look up into his eyes. “I’m twenty-two,” I repeat, my voice a little more convincing this time.
“Why are you afraid of me?”
“I’m not,” I whisper, snatching my hand out of his. Another staring competition ensues. I don’t like this. I turn on my heel and practically sprint for Ed’s room, locking the door behind me. “Shit!” I say to myself, as I slide down to the floor and try to breathe.
My time here is obviously coming to an end, and I need to figure out what to do next.
A soft tap makes its way through the door above me. “Linda? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You didn’t.” I say defiantly.
“Will you come out? I just want to talk to you.”
I sit in silence. He did scare me. I’m afraid to spend time with him. Somehow, without even knowing me, he manages to see right through me to find answers I don’t want to give.
After a while, I hear him let out his breath and shuffle his feet back from the door. “I’m sorry ok. You don’t have to hide.”
As I hear him retreat down the hall, I stand again and open the door slightly, peering through the gap with one eye. He pauses and looks back at me. His expression affects me, and my chest tightens. He really does look concerned and sorry. This is so confusing.
“Why don’t you like me?” I ask him through the gap in the door.
“I do like you. I like you a lot actually.”
“But you don’t trust me?”
“I don’t know you well enough to trust you.”
“But you think I’m lying to Ed.”
“I do.”
“What have you said to him?”
“Nothing.”
“Are you going to?”
“No.”
I have so many more questions but instead of asking them, I close the door again and lock it. Then I stay in there, pretending not to listen to Matthew moving around the house all day while I wait for Ed to return.
Chapter Twenty
I contemplate telling Ed the truth about who I am and the whole story about my life so far, but he seems happy the way we are and I feel like if I tell him, I’ll lose his trust and he’ll kick me out.
I do my best to avoid Matthew. His roster is pinned against the refrigerator door, so I can make sure I’m out when I know he’s planning to be home.
I can’t do much because I don’t have much money, and I hate asking Ed to give me some. So I spend a lot of time at the local library. I’ve even got a library card now by using Linda’s ID, so I can take books back home with me, it keeps me busy and out of the way.
“What are you reading?” a soft voice asks from behind me. I almost jump out of my seat. I expected that I was alone.