Chapter 19
"Here." A piece of paper flutters past my face as he sits down across from me in the mid-town bistro.
"What's this?" I scan it quickly with my eyes.
"My ticket to ride you without a saddle." He cocks a brow as he reaches across the table to steal a bite of my fruit salad. "Nice of you to wait to order until I got here, Jessica."
"You're late." I hold the paper steady so I can read every line. "Is this your test results?"
"I was in court." He pulls the entire bowl across the table and steals the spoon from my hand. "I'm so hungry."
"These are your test results?" I ask again. I can't believe he actually got a copy of them to give to me.
"I want in that." He waves the spoon towards my body. "I want in it without any barriers. That's the golden ticket right there."
"You were serious?" I thought he was half-joking the other night when he talked about f*cking me without a condom. "You want to have sex without a condom?"
"Where's the waiter? I need a drink." He surveys the entire span of the room in mere seconds.
"Bourbon doesn't go with fruit salad."
"Bourbon goes with everything, Jessica."
I glance at the paper again. "This makes me nervous."
He scratches the tip of his nose and raises a brow. "My cock makes you nervous? You haven't been shy around it up to this point."
"What if I don't want to?" I push back. "What if I say we can't?"
He stops eating and places the spoon down on the table. "Then we don't." There's no emotion in the statement.
"Just like that? We just don't."
"Jessica." His hand snakes towards mine. "Listen to me. Jessica, listen."
I smile at his insistence that I listen. He always does that when he's got something important to say. "I'm listening, Nathan."
"I would never…" He pulls in a heavy breath and squeezes my hand tightly. "I would never do anything with you that you didn't want. Ever."
"You say that but… but I don't know." I don't know. I want to believe him. I wish I could believe him. "I feel like you push me sometimes. You want things I'm not ready for."
"Listen to me." He stands and throws his linen napkin on the table before he kneels down next to me. "Please, Jessica, just hear this one thing."
I stare down at his calm, beautiful blue eyes. His face is unshaven and his hair a mess from the wind. He's so gorgeous. He's more striking than the night I met him. "What?"
"I f*cked this up more than once." He bites his bottom lip. "I am going to work every single f*cking day of my life to make you want me as much as I want you. I will wait forever for you. Forever, Jessica. Don't doubt that."
I don't respond. I just stare at his face. My heart is telling me that he means it. My head wants to embrace it.
"I love you, Jessica. I f*cking love you." He swallows hard just as I see the pool of tears in his left eye. "My life is nothing without you. Nothing. The day you get that will be the happiest day of my life."
I can't handle the emotion in the room. I can feel the weight of it suffocating me. "No. The happiest day of your life will be when you get to come in me without a rubber."
He licks his bottom lip. "That's going to happen sooner than you think."