Letting her head hang, she bit into her lip, trying so hard not to cry as her mind wandered past the closed door and straight to him. Like it always did. All week she had wondered what Jordie wanted to talk about. Would he speak of the baby more? Would he apologize more? She had already forgiven him, not that she had told him that. But it was driving her nuts not knowing what he had to say. She couldn’t even focus on Liam because she sat there and thought up all kinds of different scenarios.
The girl she was before Jordie broke her would have pestered him for the info. But now, it scared her. She knew that she would crumble for him and allow him to wiggle his way back into her life. He would say everything she wanted to hear, get in her good graces, and when she finally thought they were good, marriage and happiness in sight, he’d remind her he only wanted a fuck buddy. That was Jordie. Great man, but allergic to the full spectrum of a human relationship with the opposite sex.
It was honestly so unfair, but that was him. He almost made her feel weak, and she knew that wasn’t something she could allow to describe her. She was a strong-willed girl, but Jordie was her kryptonite. But maybe if she went in eyes wide open, she’d be fine. She would be able to keep her heart on lock. She had done so well working with him. Mainly, she ignored him and flirted with Liam to reiterate that she was happy without him. Which was all a lie, but he didn’t know that. No one did; they all thought she was pleased as a peach, when really, she was a rotten, hole-filled apple, worms eating away at her soul because she didn’t have Jordie.
Why did she want him so badly? What was this hold he had on her? And most of all, what would it take to get rid of her feelings for him? Was it because she hadn’t really been with anyone but him? He had been only her third lover, and honestly, he blew the other two guys out of the water. When they were together, sparks just flew in the bedroom. They fit perfectly and that lingered in her heart. The feeling of his body against hers, the way he would look in her eyes… It was all-consuming and she missed it.
But his rejection still stung.
It stung so fucking badly.
She wasn’t sure she could get past that.
She didn’t know how to. Maybe she did need the closure that Lacey had spoken of. Maybe she did need to talk to him. But could she trust her heart to know his lies? She had no clue and that scared her more than seeing the blood in her panties only three days after finding out she was pregnant. And that not only scared her, it hurt, which was something Jordie continually inflicted on her. She’d be stupid to fall into his bed of lies, but her heart was slow to realize that.
One thing was for sure, he needed to stay clothed and stop playing with her head. He didn’t want the things she wanted, so why say little things like that? He was obviously jealous of Liam. He wouldn’t even talk to the guy and never had a kind look on his face when Liam was in the room. And that made no sense. Why would he be jealous when he’d had her and had thrown her away? It was all a clusterfuck of fucking crazy, and she knew what she had to do.
She had to talk to him.
Really talk to him. Not the snide, angry comments and the roll of her eyes. She needed to give him the chance to speak to her the way he’d been asking to. Then she could let him go. Move out and live her life. Maybe then they could live as civilized people. Or they’d rip each other’s clothes off and she’d feel like shit afterward. Closing her eyes, she let her head fall forward as she shook it. She didn’t know what; she just needed something to change. She felt like she was constantly drowning in the tension and that had to end. It had to. First things first, she needed to get through this visit with her parents. Maybe something would spark with Liam while she watched him interact with her parents?
One could hope.
After blow-drying her hair, she headed toward the kitchen to help Lacey with food preparations. Her parents should be getting there soon and so should Liam. Kacey wanted to make sure everything was almost done so that Lacey could enjoy time with her in-laws and she could force some feelings for Liam.
So pathetic.
As she entered the kitchen, she saw Jordie go out the back door and her brow rose.
“Where is he going?” she asked before she could stop herself. He wasn’t her responsibility. It shouldn’t matter where he was going.