And she may not be able to give him that.
Kacey cried the whole way to the hospital while Jordie held her close. As he carried her into the ER, she saw that Dr. Richards was waiting for them and directed them back without checking in. Or so she thought. Once Jordie laid her on the table, a nurse came in to get her info and it was beyond hard to talk to her. Jordie did most of the talking while still holding her and telling her that everything was going to be okay. She wanted to believe him, more than she wanted her next breath, but she just didn’t feel it. Dr. Richards looked worried, the nurse did too—but Jordie, while he was scared and a little panicked, when his eyes met hers she could see he believed that this baby was okay.
That Kacey was okay.
“Doc, tell me she’s okay,” Jordie said as Dr. Richards listened to her heart while the nurse brought in an ultrasound machine and some other things. But it all seemed like a blur. She was staring at Jordie, memorizing his face as tears rushed down her cheeks.
“We are going to do a pelvic exam and check for a heartbeat, but I’m hopeful. Let me clean up and I’ll get started,” he said quickly as Jordie looked down at her. His shoulder fell as he cupped her face, leaning his forehead to hers.
“Baby, it’s fine. Please, calm down. Stop crying, you’re killing me here,” he begged, but her lip still quivered, her heart breaking.
“You’ll leave me,” she whispered, and his brow furrowed as he watched her.
“What? Why?”
“’Cause I can’t have kids.”
“Kacey, don’t say that,” he said quickly, but she shook her head.
“No, if I lose this baby, I doubt I’ll be able to keep anything, and you won’t stay with me. You love kids, want your own, and I can’t fucking give them to you,” she cried and he took ahold of her shoulders, shaking her gently.
“Fucking no, Kacey. Stop! You have to stop this. I’m with you for you, not for what you can give me as an extra bonus. Stop. Okay? Just stop.”
But her eyes fell shut as she sucked in a deep breath. “I just don’t want to lose you.”
“You aren’t. Stop,” he demanded, his voice sharp as she exhaled deeply, feeling like everything was leaving her body. Leaning forward, her face fell into his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead. “Baby, I love you. I do, so much. Please, just stop thinking like this. You’re all I need,” he promised and she felt his words vibrating his soul.
But did he mean them?
When Dr. Richards came back into the room, she figured she was about to find out.
“All right, lie back, Kacey,” he said and Jordie helped her lie down. “Oh, you still have panties on.”
Jordie let her go to take them off as she lay there, staring at the ceiling, begging the good Lord above to let this be a dream. Dr. Richards moved her feet into stirrups as Jordie came back to her head, his cheek against hers as the doctor slowly parted her thighs. She wanted to keep them squeezed together, but she figured it was no use. As much as she wanted to believe that the baby made it, she could still see the bright red of her blood.
A sign that her baby was gone.
When she felt the coldness of the goo on the probe, she closed her eyes tightly as Dr. Richards said, “So what happened? Did it happen out of the blue? Was it after sex?”
“Yeah, we had sex. She went to the bathroom and then found she was bleeding.”
“Okay,” he said and then he moved the probe in deeper, causing her eyes to close tighter. It didn’t hurt, but it sure as hell didn’t tickle. As he moved it again, he paused and then tapped her knee. “Kacey, I want you to look at this.”