CHAPTER Fifteen
Cole rolled over, his hand reaching out, feeling the empty bed next to him. He squinted at the clock.
Eight A.M.
He got up, showered, and dressed, and went in search of Angel.
He went to the living room window, and looked out toward the driveway. Her car was gone. He walked into the kitchen, and poured himself a cup of coffee, then wandered out onto the patio, and sat at the table. He pulled out a cigarette, and lit it, inhaling deeply.
The backdoor opened, and he turned at the sound.
Natalie walked out. She carried a cup of coffee to the table, and sat down. “Angel left for the hospital about twenty minutes ago.”
“Everything okay?” Cole asked.
“Yes. She’s hoping to get Melissa to keep some food down today.”
Cole nodded. “Right. The feeding tube. She told me about it.”
Natalie nodded. She looked back at the house, and then back at Cole.
He took a hit off his cigarette, watching her.
“I just want you to know, I heard what you said last night.”
He nodded. “Good.”
They were quiet for a few moments. Cole took a sip of his coffee.
“TJ’s growing quite fold of you.”
Cole smiled, looking back at the house. “I know.”
“Cole, can I ask you something?”
He nodded slowly, wondering what was coming.
“What’s your plan?”
“My plan?”
“The kids? Angel? Are you staying around?”
Cole took a deep breath, and leaned his elbows on the table. “I told Angel I’d stay as long as she needed me.”
“She’ll always need you.”
He looked away. “I don’t know about that.”
“Yes, you do.”
He looked back at her. “What are you getting at?”
“You plan on being a father to those kids of yours?”
“Yes. Of course.”
“And how are you going to do that from California?”
He took another hit off his cigarette, and tapped it in the ashtray. “I don’t know. I’m trying to figure that out. It’s complicated.”
“What’s so complicated? You have feelings for her, don’t you?” she asked bluntly.
He looked at her. “You know I co.”
“Do you want to marry her?”
Cole smiled, and blew out a breath. “You don’t mince words, do you?”
“Not about this.”
He couldn’t hold her gaze. “You think she wants a life with me? What do I have to offer her?”
“Love, for starters.”
“Love don’t pay the rent.” He ground out his cigarette.
“You’re the father of her children.”
He nodded, and replied softly, “I know.”
“Do you love her?” It was really the only question that mattered.
Cole looked at her. “Yes, God help me.”
“What do you mean ‘God help you’.”
He looked away, and shook his head.
“Is there something you’re not telling me?”
He looked back at her for a long moment, and then nodded. “Yeah. There is.”
She watched him, waiting. When he didn’t say anything, she asked, “Well? What is it?”
He looked her in the eyes. “I’m married.”
“Oh my God.” Natalie was stunned.
He saw the way she looked at him. It wasn’t the same way she had looked at him a minute ago.
“Angel? She doesn’t know?”
He shook his head.
“I don’t understand, then why-”
“It’s always been Angel. Since the moment I first laid eyes on her.” He paused, looking away. “I thought I’d lost her or I never would have married Mandy.”
“How long have you been married?”
“A little over a year.”
“You don’t wear a ring.”
“No. I don’t.”
Natalie looked back at the house. She couldn’t help thinking how devastated Angel was going to be when she found this out. And the kids? She guessed this meant he wouldn’t be a very strong presence in their lives.”
“Natalie, look at me. Please.”
She turned, and looked back at him.
“I love Angel. I do. And I mean to end it with Mandy.”
Natalie shook her head. “Men say those kinds of things all the time. They rarely mean them.”
“I do. I saw an attorney before I left California. I already started the process. I knew the minute I saw Angel again, that I was done with Mandy.”
Natalie swallowed. “Well, you have to tell Angel.”
He nodded. “I know. Just, not yet.”
“It won’t get any easier. In fact, the longer you take to tell her, the harder it’s going to be on her when she finds out.”
“I know. I just…she’s got so much on her plate right now with Melissa. I thought I’d wait until Melissa was home, or at least until she was feeling better.”
“The time is never going to be right. You just have to tell her.”
“Please. I know I have to tell her. Just, let me do it in my own way. Give me some more time.”
She looked at him, wondering if she’d misjudged him completely. “Okay. I’ll stay out of it. I won’t say anything. But you have to tell her, soon. Or I will.” She got up, and walked in the house, slamming the door.
Cole leaned down, and put his head in his hands.
That night, Angel came home with some good news. Melissa had been feeling much better today, and had even eaten enough that they didn’t think they would have to put her on a feeding tube.
Cole was glad to see Angel so happy. It had been a while. He didn’t want to ruin it by telling her tonight that he was married. He looked over at Natalie, and found her watching him. He supposed he was grabbing at any excuse he could find to put off telling her.
The next day, he and Angel had promised TJ that they’d take him to the zoo. The boy, bless his heart, didn’t understand why his mom always had to be gone or why he couldn’t go see his sister. They’d made the promise one night to try to cheer him up.
They’d had such a wonderful day at the zoo. Of course, Cole saw it as another excuse why he couldn’t tell Angel that day, either.
One day turned into a week, and still he hadn’t been able to bring himself to tell her. In the meantime, Mandy’s calls were getting more frequent, and he was finding it harder and harder to take them without Angel becoming suspicious.
*****
One morning the following week, Natalie was in the kitchen pouring her self a cup of coffee, and watching TJ eat his cereal.
Angel and Cole walked in. They had planned to go see Melissa.
“Why don’t you two take a break from the hospital, and go do something together? Natalie asked.
Angel looked at her. “You mean not go see Melissa?”
“My friend, Bonnie is coming over in about an hour. She offered to go with me to the hospital, and watch TJ while I visit with Melissa.”
“Oh, thanks, but-”
“You need a break, Angel,” Natalie interrupted.
Cole looked from Natalie to Angel, wondering who was going to win this one.
Natalie looked to Cole. “Why don’t you take her for a ride on that motorcycle of yours?” It was more of an order, than a question.
“Sure. Love to,” Cole agreed, not about to argue with her.
“Take him up, and show him that river you used to love so much as a kid,” Natalie suggested.
“I don’t know.”
“Angel, I’ll be with her. She’ll be fine.”
“Well, if you really think so.”
“I do.”
Before he knew it, Cole found himself riding up into the mountains with Angel. She gave him directions over his shoulder. It took them about forty-five minutes to get to the Salt River. They finally stopped the bike in a deserted area, and got off.
Angel led him to the edge of a drop off, and they looked down. The sparkling water of the river raced along.
Cole had to admit, it was something to see. “You tubed down this thing?” he asked, amazed.
She nodded. “The water’s still pretty high this time of year. It comes down from the mountain snowmelts. This is the run off. It’s not safe to tube down now, but in the summer it’s pretty calm waters.”
His gaze traveled over the landscape. There were high bluffs on the other side of the river. It looked like something out of a western. He half expected to see an Indian sitting on a horse, high above them. He looked up, and spotted a hawk soaring high over the river.
Angel walked over to a boulder, and sat down.
Cole followed, sitting next to her.
They were quiet for a few minutes, taking it all in, enjoying the sound of the river.
Angel looked over at Cole. “Why do you suppose Natalie was so insistent that we spend the day together?”
Cole looked off, squinting into the horizon. “I guess she thought you needed a break, like she said.” And she probably wants me to tell you what I’ve been putting off, he thought to himself.
“Yeah. I guess I did.”
Could he bring himself to do it? Was now as good a time as any? He looked over at her. He knew everything would change between them the minute he told her.
She smiled up at him. “Have I told you how happy I am that you’re here?”
He smiled back at her. “I think you may have mentioned it.”
“It means a lot to me, having you here to lean on.”
“I told you, that you wouldn’t have to go through this alone. I meant it.”
She nodded. “I know. Her gaze dropped to his mouth. A moment later she leaned in, and kissed him.
He pulled back, looking at her. “You know I care about you, right?”
She smiled. “Yes. Why?”
He looked off into the distance. “Where do you see this going?” he asked.
The smile faded from her face. “What do you mean?”
He looked back at her. “Us. What do you see happening? What do you want?”
She looked away, confused. “I don’t know what you’re asking.”
“Yes, you do. Tell me. Do you want to marry me? Is that it?”
“What?”
“Is that what you want?”
“Are you asking me? This doesn’t quite sound like a proposal.”
“Is that what you want?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you really see us having a life together?”
“You ask that like it’s impossible. Like I shouldn’t want that.”
“Maybe because I don’t see how you could want a life with someone like me.” He found himself wondering if he was picking a fight with her so that he wouldn’t have to tell her or so it’d be easier to tell her.
“Why do you always do that?” she asked, her tone changing, becoming annoyed.
“Do what?” he snapped back.
“Qualify it. Instead of saying ‘a life with me’, you say ‘a life with someone like me’.
He shook his head. “Whatever. Let’s go.” He stood up, and started walking back to the bike.
She ran after him, grabbing his arm, and turning him back around. “You said all that because you think I’m expecting more from you than you’re ready to give. You’re wrong.”
“Wrong? Which part? You gonna stand there, and tell me you don’t expect anything from me? That’s bullshit, and we both know it.” He yanked his arm out of her grasp, and started walking toward the bike.
“Do you love me?”
That stopped him in his tracks. He paused, but didn’t turn around.
She came to stand in front of him, looking up into his face. “Do you love me?” she repeated.
He looked down into her eyes, knowing he couldn’t deny it to her. He nodded. “Yes.”
“That’s all I need to know,” she whispered.
No, it’s not, he thought to himself. He knew he had to tell her. The words were stuck in his throat, and then she was kissing him, and he forgot all about telling her.
They stood there, in the hot Arizona sun, with a hawk soaring above their heads, and kissed like young lovers that had snuck off to meet in secret.
When they finally came up for air, they were both breathing hard. Without thinking about how insane this was, he pulled her down on the ground, pushing her onto her back, and she let him. He lay on top of her, kissing her endlessly. His mouth trailed across her jaw to her ear. He whispered to her, “I want to be inside you, baby. Let me.”
Angel looked up, and saw the hawk floating in circles above them, and she remembered another time, so long ago when they had lain together on a desert floor. But this time, there was no fear, only desire. She pulled at the front plackets of the denim shirt he wore, pulling the snaps free, pushing it back over his shoulders.
It was the only answer he needed. Cole sat back, straddling her, and pulled the shirt off. He looked down at her as he shrugged out of the shoulder holster he wore, and tossed the gun aside. Then he was ripping his tee shirt off, over his head.
Angel ran her hands up his thighs, but he pushed them aside, reaching for the buttons on her blouse. He looked down at her, seeing the desire in her eyes. His fingers fumbled in their rush. He gave up, and ripped the last two buttons loose, pulling the blouse open. He lifted her up, and yanked it off her. Reaching around her, he undid her bra, and pushed her back down.
Angel gasped as her naked back came in contact with the hot desert sand.
Cole stretched out on top of her, his mouth plundering hers. He trailed kisses down her neck, and reached for the top of her jeans. He stripped her of her remaining clothing, and then undid his jeans. Rolling to his back, he pulled her on top of him.
Angel slid down on him, and threw her head back, her eyes sliding closed. God, he felt so good inside her. She began to move, undulating on top of him.
Cole’s hands clamped onto her hips, and urged her on. “Harder, baby. Faster.”
She complied, leaning forward, her hands on his chest. Their eyes met, and they both smiled. She rode him hard. He was on the verge of climax. His hand slid between them, his fingers stroking her until she came. When he felt her body convulse around him, he grabbed her hips and slammed up into her. It only took three more strokes, before his body went rigid as he exploded inside her.
She fell on top of his chest, panting.
His hands slid into the hair at the sides of her face, and he pulled her mouth to his, and kissed her, long and deeply.
She lay her head down on his sweat-slicked chest. It still heaved with his breathing. She could hear his heart pounding, and smiled.
He wrapped one arm around her back, his other hand sliding into the hair at the back of her head. He held on to her, holding her close, hoping with everything inside him, that he wasn’t about to loose this woman who had come back into his life, this woman who had become his life.
It was several hours before they made it back home.
They pulled in the driveway after dark, and Angel got off the bike. She rubbed her backside.
Cole took his helmet off, and stepped off, smiling down at her. “You sore, baby doll?”
“Umm. Yes. And it’s all your fault.”
He pressed his hands to his heart, and looked too innocent to be believed. “Me? I was just giving you a ride, darlin’.”
“Yeah. That was quite a ride, cowboy.”
He pulled her close, and ran his hands over her ass. “You want me to rub it, and make it all better?” He dipped his head for a kiss.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, forgetting all about how sore she was. The sound of the front door opening interrupted them. Natalie was standing at the screen door. They both looked up at her.
“I thought I heard a motorcycle,” she said.
“Anything wrong?” Cole asked.
“No. But we’re out of milk. Could you run up to the corner, and get some?” she asked.
“Yes. Sure,” Angel replied. She took Cole by the hand. “Come on. Let’s walk. It’s a nice night.”
They walked down the block toward the main boulevard, and cut across the parking lot of a bowling alley. They were standing on the corner, waiting for a break in traffic, when Cole took a deep breath. “That smell? The place smells like perfume. What is that?”
Angel smiled. “Orange blossoms. The Orange trees are starting to bloom. On a warm night like this, you can really smell them.”
“Really? Orange blossoms? That’s wild.”
The traffic slowed, and they crossed the street to the convenience store. They bought a gallon of milk, and Cole picked up another pack of cigarettes, and they headed back.
They were crossing the parking lot of the bowling alley when a group of teenage boys came out of the shadows, and surrounded them, a couple of them flashing knives.
“Give me your Goddamn wallet, man!” one of them shouted.
When Cole didn’t comply, another yelled, “You and your puta better do what we say, gringo!”
In a blur, Cole pushed Angel behind him, and yanked this gun out of his shoulder holster.
That surprised them. They weren’t counting on any resistance.
Cole watched as two of them looked to each other. He quickly sized them all up, using the instincts he’d come to trust, especially when his life depended on it. The rest of the group were pretty much lemmings, following the leaders, these two. Cole raised the gun, aiming it at the head of the one on the left. He was pretty sure this was the one in charge.
“You’re out numbered a*shole,” the guy snarled at Cole.
“Maybe so, but you’re still going to drop like a rock when I blow your head open. You ready to be six feet under, Muchacho?”
The guy stared down the barrel a moment, and then swore, and they all ran off, behind the building.
Cole turned back to Angel, who was clutching the milk to her chest. “You okay?”
She nodded.
“Come on.” He holstered the gun, and put his arm around her shoulder, and they hurried back to the house. Cole kept a watchful eye on his surroundings.
They walked in the house, and into the kitchen.
Angel set the milk down on the counter, and took a deep breath.
Natalie was sitting at the kitchen table, reading a cookbook. She looked up, and saw the look on Angel’s face. Pulling her reading glasses off, she stood up. “What’s wrong? What is it?”
Cole looked over at her. “Some kids tried to rob us?”
“What? Where?”
“The bowling alley parking lot.”
“But that’s just down the street.”
“Yeah. It is. There were six of them. A couple of them pulled knives.”
Natalie put her hand to her mouth. “Oh, my God. Are you okay?”
“We’re fine,” Angel said, turning around.
Cole turned to Natalie. “Can you give us a minute?”
“Sure.”
He nodded, and took Angel by the hand, and led her out to the patio. He pushed her down in a chair, and pulled up another, turning it towards hers. He sat down, and grabbed the arms of her chair, and pulled it around to face his, the metal scrapping across the concrete. Leaning forward, his arms resting on his knees, he looked at Angel. She looked like she was in some kind of shock. He knew she’d been through worse than this before. He guessed this was just a little too close to home. “You need a shot of whiskey, babe?”
She looked at him blankly, and shook her head.
“Do you see now what I’ve been telling you? You and your aunt need to move.”
She looked away. “We’ll be fine.”
“And what if I’m not around next time?” he asked.
She looked at him, and shrugged.
He took a deep breath, looking down at his hands. “I want you and the kids to come back to California with me.”
“What?”
“You heard me.” He met her eyes.
“We can’t do that. Melissa won’t be able to leave the hospital for weeks.”
“When she’s ready to travel, then.”
“Her doctors are all here.”
“California has doctors, too. She’ll be okay.”
She shook her head. “There’s Natalie, and-”
“She comes, too.”
Angel looked at him blankly.
“Damn it, Angel! I cant’ keep you and my kids safe from seven hundred miles away.” His voice was raised.
She shook her head. “This is crazy. We’ll be fine.”
He leaned back, and ran his hands through his hair. “Why do you have to be so Goddamn stubborn, woman?”
“You’re overreacting.”
“Overreacting? What, because I don’t want my kids growing up in this f*cking neighborhood?” he practically yelled at her.
She tried to stand up, but he pushed her back in the chair. He stood over her, taking a deep breath to calm down. He hated to fight dirty, but she wasn’t giving him any choice. He was going to have to pull the only card he had, and he knew it wasn’t going to be fair to her. Not after everything she’d done for TJ and Melissa. All the sacrifices she’d made for them, and him having done very little.
She looked up at him.
He leaned down over her, resting his hands on the arms of her chair. “You’re going to listen to me whether you like it or not. These are my kids, too. And I’ve got some rights about how and where they get raised.”
“Don’t you dare lecture me on raising these kids. I’ve done just fine without you.”
“Just fine? Did you really just say that? In the last few weeks, we’ve been victims of attempted armed robbery and burglary. What’s it gonna take for you to wake the f*ck up? Does someone have to get hurt?”
“I don’t have to listen to this.” She tried to get up.
He pushed her back down. “Yeah. You do.”
The backdoor opened, and Natalie stepped out. “You two are going to wake TJ, if not the entire neighborhood.”
Cole straightened, and ran his hand through his hair. “Sorry. Just trying to talk some sense into this hardheaded niece of yours.”
“Hardheaded? Because I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing?”
“Nothing? I can’t believe what I’m hearing.” He turned to Natalie. “You agree with me, don’t you? You know this neighborhood’s not safe anymore.”
Angel turned to her. “He wants us all to move to California. Can you believe it?”
Natalie looked from Angel to Cole, and then asked him quietly. “Did you tell her?”
Cole closed his eyes, cursing her silently.
“Tell me what?” Angel asked.
He opened his eyes, and glared at Natalie.
If looks could kill, she thought. “It’s time, son. You tell her, or I will.”
Angel looked at him. “What is it?”
Natalie went back inside.
He took a deep breath. “I love you. I wish we’d never been separated. I wish I’d been with you through my children’s births, through the bad times, all of it.”
She looked at him, knowing there had to be more. “Yes?”
“But things happened, and you were gone from my life. And I never thought I’d see you again.”
Angel nodded.
“About a year ago…” he stopped, knowing after he said these next words, everything would change.
“Yes?”
“I met a girl. We got married. I’m married, Angel.”
She stared at him. “Married?” She felt like the air was just sucked out of her lungs.
“Yes. I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you before, but Melissa was so sick, and-”
“Tell me before? Before what, Cole? Before you slept with me?”
He hung his head. He knew what he’d done was unforgivable. “I’m going to get a divorce. I swear. I saw an attorney before I left California. You’re the one I want to be with.”
Angel started laughing. “Oh, right. If I only had a nickel for every woman who’s ever heard that line.”
“Angel, listen to me. It’s true. I swear.’
“Oh, you swear? Like you swore you’d love her until death do you part? You loved her enough to marry her.”
He nodded. “I did. I thought I did. But, Angel, it’s not like this feeling I have for you. You and I, we were always meant to be together.”
“Oh, that’s rich.” She stood up.
Cole grabbed her upper arms. “Just listen to me.”
She pushed him away. “Don’t touch me.”
He let her go. “Angel, please.”
“Get your things, and get out. I want you out of here.” She stormed into the house, slamming the door.
Cole picked up the glass ashtray off the table, and slammed it against the side of the house. It shattered into a million pieces with a loud crash.
*****
Cole was in his room, shoving his few belongings into his pack when the door opened. He turned, and looked over his shoulder. Natalie.
“Cole, I’m so sorry.”
“We both knew this was how it was going to end, right?”
Natalie shook her head. “She’ll calm down. Don’t leave, please. She’s just hurting. Don’t let her push you away. She needs you. The kids need you.”
Cole shook his head. “No, she’s right. I don’t belong here.”
“Yes. You do.”
He grabbed the pack up, and headed toward the door. Stopping in front of her, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a wad of cash. He pushed it into Natalie’s hand. “I’ll send more. Every month. You don’t have to tell her. I’m sure she’d be stubborn, and refuse to take it, and we both know her and the kids need it.”
“Cole. Please. Don’t leave. Not like this.”
He pushed past her, and walked down the hall to TJ’s room. He opened the door, and quietly slipped inside. He stood by the bed, looking down at his son, wondering how long it would be before he saw him again. Wondering if TJ would miss him, or how long it would take before he forgot all about Cole.
Natalie stood in the doorway, watching as he leaned down, and kissed TJ on the forehead.
He straightened back up, and adjusted the pack on his shoulder. “Goodbye, son,” he whispered. He turned to leave, and saw Natalie standing there. “Maybe you could have him call me now and then.”
“Of course,” she whispered, tearing up.
He walked past her, and down the hall, and out the front door.
Angel lay on her bed, sobbing. She heard the front door close, and a moment later she heard his bike roar to life. She wanted to run to him, and tell him not to go, but she couldn’t. Her pride wouldn’t let her. She heard the bike pull out, and then the engine sound fading down the street.