One More Sleepless Night

NINE



Where he’d gone wrong last time, thought Rafael, sitting at the desk in his study in his penthouse and twirling a pen between his fingers, was in believing that he could ignore someone whose presence was so tangible even when she physically wasn’t.

That was why he hadn’t been able to get Nicky out of his head the weekend he’d been at the cortijo, he realised now, despite spending such relatively little time in her company. That was why she’d occupied his thoughts while he’d been out there in the fields, why she’d invaded his dreams, and why he’d imagined he could smell her scent even though she’d been nowhere to be seen. It was never easy to ignore a guest, however out of sight, and he’d been nuts to assume that it would be.

Distance was what he’d needed in order to wipe Nicky and the temporary but devastating havoc she’d wreaked on his well-ordered life from his mind. Distance and time. Both of which he’d had plenty of lately.

The two weeks he’d been back in Madrid had been exactly what was required to restore calm to his life, harness his self-control and rebuild the defences she’d so swiftly and comprehensively destroyed. And just what he’d needed to finally relax.

With pretty much the whole of the country shutting down in August and almost every Madrileño beetling off to the coast or the countryside, Rafael had figured the solitude would suit him perfectly, and had stayed put.

He could easily hang out here, he’d told himself. His flat was at the top of one of the most luxurious buildings in Madrid, and had all the trappings one would expect from a penthouse, so it hadn’t exactly been a hardship.

He’d spent hours poring over his beloved first edition of John Gerard’s The Herball or Generall Historie of Plantes, and pottering around his extensive and plant-stuffed roof terrace. He’d ploughed up and down the building’s lavish outdoor pool and had frequented the gym. He’d been out a couple of times with the few friends who had stayed in the city, and in between all that he’d started to research his next job.

From Nicky he thankfully hadn’t heard a word. Nor had he heard from any of the other women who’d been so hell-bent on upsetting his existence. Apart from a text from Elisa informing him that she was on the Costa Brava should he feel like joining her—which he didn’t—she too had been mercifully quiet. Even his family appeared to have better things to do than hassle him, and had left him alone.

Which all bode extremely well for the long sabbatical from women he’d decided to take in the wake of everything that had happened recently.

He glowered at his laptop and his mood darkened as he reminded himself exactly how dangerous Nicky, in particular, was. The others might be thorns in his side, but she was the one who turned him into someone he didn’t recognise and didn’t want to be. Someone who’d unravelled so quickly and comprehensively that he hadn’t given even the most fleeting consideration to the values with which he conducted his relationships.

Because not only wasn’t she too well—as his sister had so brutally informed him—but Nicky was also a friend of Gaby’s, and how that fact had managed to elude him at the time he had no idea.

Rafael’s blood chilled as he thought about the far too close a shave he’d had. OK, so at some point during that weekend he’d evidently lost his mind, but how on earth could he have so totally forgotten his vow to not get involved with any friend of his sisters? It truly beggared belief.

Hadn’t he learned the hard way that down that route lay disaster? Hadn’t his brief, disastrous marriage proved it? And hadn’t he sworn that he’d never let it happen again? He’d nearly lost one sister over the whole sorry episode and he had no intention of losing another. Ever.

Rafael had never imagined being pleased to have been rejected, but time and time again over the last fortnight he’d thanked God Nicky hadn’t been interested in him, because if she had, and things had gone beyond one brief kiss, who knew what kind of chaos that might have caused?

But it was fine, he thought, letting out a long slow breath of relief. He’d escaped. Narrowly, but who cared? Narrowly was good enough.

Whatever had been going on in his head that weekend, and frankly it made him shudder to think about it, it was over. It had been a blip. A one-off moment of weakness, and ultimately entirely forgettable.

As was Nicky.

* * *

Now she was actually here Nicky wasn’t at all sure that she’d done the right thing by coming. Yesterday afternoon, when, filled with delight and relief that she was more or less back to her old self, she’d made a plan that involved jumping on a train bound for Madrid this morning, it had felt like the most sensible, the most right decision she’d ever taken.

But now she was standing at Rafael’s front door, her finger poised at the bell, and all the bubbling self-confidence and heart-pounding adrenalin were draining away leaving nothing but an unfamiliar bundle of nerves twisting her stomach.

Because what if he wasn’t in? What if, despite Gaby’s claim to the contrary, he was away at the coast as everyone else seemed to be? What if her mad dash to Madrid hadn’t been the best decision she’d ever made but stupidly and uncharacteristically reckless and completely in vain?

Oh, this was ridiculous, she thought, frowning at a knot in the wood of the front door and giving herself a mental slap. She’d gone to great lengths to get here, starting with wangling Rafael’s address out of Gaby on the very flimsy pretext of needing to forward some post, then facing the daunting prospect of a crowded station, and she was not going to give up this opportunity to find out whether her disturbingly long period of sexual abstinence could be at an end.

She’d had enough of being a wimp at the mercy of her hangups, and, besides, what was the worst that could happen? That he didn’t answer? Or that he did, and slammed the door in her face?

Telling herself that she’d cross those bridges if and when she came to them Nicky took a deep breath, pressed the bell and waited.

As the seconds ticked by with agonising slowness she ran a hand through her hair and nibbled on her lip. Shifted her weight from one foot to the other and fiddled unnecessarily with the zip of her handbag until the jitteriness bouncing inside her got so bad her knees started trembling.

Honestly, what was the matter with her? She never used to get this nervous, so why now? Briefly closing her eyes and telling herself to calm down, she took a series of deep measured breaths until her pulse slowed and the pressure inside her eased.

Just in time, she thought, hearing the sound of footsteps approaching on the other side of the door and feeling a flood of relief wash over her at the realisation that at least someone was home and her journey hadn’t been entirely in vain.

Nicky opened her eyes as whoever it was—and she fervently hoped it was Rafael—stopped at the door, and, during the pause in which he presumably checked her out through the spyhole, she fixed her sunniest smile to her face and gave him a little wave.

Neither of which he appeared to appreciate, judging by the brief but heartfelt burst of Spanish that hit the door. She winced and dropped her hand to her side, and then jumped at the thud that sounded like either a fist or a head being thumped against the door.

Oh, dear. That didn’t sound too promising, did it? In fact that sounded as if he wasn’t pleased to see her at all. But that was fine. She had a plan, and she wasn’t about to back out of it just because he might not be cooperative. In fact she couldn’t wait to put it into action.

If only he’d open the damned door and let her in.

As the seconds continued to roll by and she found herself still face to face with a great flat lump of solid oak, Nicky was contemplating cupping her hands to the door and demanding he let her in when there came a muffled sigh, the latch clicked, the door swung open and there he was, towering over her, tall and broad, his face and his eyes utterly inscrutable.

But, at that particular moment, whether or not Rafael was pleased to see her didn’t seem to matter, because as she looked up into his face and then straight into his eyes a great thump of desire thwacked her right in the stomach and nearly wiped out her knees.

The memory of him kissing her, his big, hard body wrapped around hers, flew into her head, making her pulse race and her breathing go haywire. As he thrust one hand into the pocket of his shorts she glanced at the other one resting on the door frame and had a sudden vision of his hands running over her sun-warmed skin. Heat wound through her and pooled in the pit of her stomach and she went dizzy.

God, if she’d needed any confirmation that her sex drive was back she had it. It was back with such a vengeance it was kind of mind-blowing to think that at one point she hadn’t been interested in him at all.

Taking a deep breath before she started hyperventilating and melted into a puddle of lust, Nicky blinked to dispel the images and swallowed hard. ‘Hi,’ she said a lot more breathily than she’d have liked.

‘Nicky,’ he said flatly.

‘Rafael,’ she said, choosing to ignore the distinct lack of enthusiasm in his voice and giving him a beaming smile. ‘How are you?’

‘Fine.’

‘Can I come in?’

He frowned. Hesitated for a moment, and she had the sudden disconcerting feeling he was going to slam the door in her face. But then the frown disappeared, that oddly sexy aloofness returned and as he held it back instead her stomach settled. ‘Of course.’

‘Thank you.’

She stepped inside, taking great care to fleetingly and subtly brush against him, and felt a dizzying little dart of satisfaction when he flinched. Excellent. Rafael might be trying to project an air of studied indifference and supreme self-control, but chemistry didn’t seem to be going along with it any more than she was. Which was lucky because her plans for the afternoon relied heavily on chemistry.

‘How did you know where to find me?’ he said, closing the door behind her and sounding as if he wished she hadn’t.

‘Gaby gave me your address.’

‘I didn’t hear the buzzer.’

‘I didn’t ring it.’

‘So who let you in?’

‘A fellow resident.’ She didn’t see any need to mention that, not at all sure he’d want to see her, she’d abandoned the buzzer in favour of hovering outside, waiting for someone to go into the building and slipping in behind them. ‘From downstairs, apparently. He was charming.’

‘I’m sure he was.’

‘He spoke flawless English.’

‘How convenient.’

‘Wasn’t it?’

Rafael folded his arms over his chest, leaned back against the console table and fixed her with that unwavering stare that before had made her squirm with discomfort and now made her squirm with something else entirely. ‘So how have you been?’

‘Fabulous,’ she said as longing spread through her veins as slow and thick and delicious as treacle.

Languidly and thoroughly he ran his gaze over her, from the hair on her head right down to her pink toenails, and as she endured his scrutiny every inch of her in between burned. By the time he’d finished making his way back up she was shaking inside with the effort of not hurling herself at him.

‘You certainly look fab—’ He broke off. Frowned. Swore probably, she thought, beneath his breath. ‘Well,’ he finished.

‘Thank you,’ she said and reminded herself that there’d be no hurling of anyone anywhere yet because she needed to concentrate. ‘I feel well.’

‘Would you like a drink?’ he said, pushing himself off the console table and striding off in the direction of the kitchen.

‘Anything soft and cold would be great,’ she said and followed him despite the lack of invitation. ‘It’s hot, isn’t it?’

He walked over to the fridge and took out a jug of orange juice and she took the opportunity to ogle his bottom. ‘Very,’ he muttered, and she got the delightful feeling he wasn’t just referring to the temperature.

As Rafael plucked a couple of glasses from the cupboard next to the fridge and poured the juice Nicky watched the muscles of his back twist beneath the cotton of his T-shirt and her palms itched with the need to touch him.

He turned abruptly and handed her a glass.

‘Thank you,’ she said, taking it, lifting it to her mouth and taking a long swallow. Skin-pricklingly aware that his eyes were on her, she ran her hand down her throat as she did so. ‘Yum, delicious.’

Rafael didn’t move but she thought she caught the tell-tale hammering of a muscle in his jaw, and smiled.

‘So this is a nice place,’ she said, turning slightly to look around his apartment and deciding that actually nice was way too bland a word for the incredible vision that met her eyes.

It was open plan, the kitchen partly cut off by a wide breakfast bar giving way to a dining area, which then flowed into a vast and comfortable-looking sitting room containing a wide deep sofa, several well-worn armchairs and a coffee table piled high with magazines.

Bookshelves lined the far wall and sagged beneath the weight of the dozens of books that were stacked upon them. Light spilled in through the floor-to-ceiling windows filling the room with light and shadows. Plants sat on every horizontal surface and art hung on every vertical one.

It was the sort of flat a girl could get very cosy in, thought Nicky, if that was her intention, which in her case, of course, it wasn’t.

‘I like it,’ he said abruptly.

‘You like plants,’ she observed.

‘I do.’

‘It’s spacious,’ she murmured and wondered where his bedroom was. ‘Light. Airy.’

‘And remarkably close to my office,’ he said dryly.

‘How handy.’

‘Isn’t it?’

And that seemed to be that for small talk, Nicky realised as she swung her gaze back to him and they lapsed into a tense little silence.

The seconds ticked by and Rafael just stood there looking at her with those penetrating green eyes and that unfathomable expression, barely moving a muscle, and she just stood there helplessly staring back, the tension inside her winding tighter and tighter as the heat flowing though her picked up speed and intensity.

As their gazes held the silence stretched, began to thicken and sizzle with electricity until it finally became unbearable and Nicky came to the conclusion that as he appeared to have no intention of doing anything to break it, she was going to have to.

‘So,’ she said, blinking to snap herself out of it and smiling brightly, ‘I guess you must be wondering what I’m doing here.’

One dark eyebrow lifted. ‘I can’t imagine it was solely to discuss the weather, the architectural features of my flat and my interest in plants,’ he said, sounding impressively bored.

‘You’d be right,’ Nicky answered, completely undeterred by his indifference because she was on a mission and nothing was going to sway her from it.

‘So?’

‘Well, firstly I just wanted to say that I thought you leaving without saying goodbye was rather on the rude side.’

He shrugged. ‘Like I said in my note, I had work. But you’re right. I apologise.’

‘Accepted. Secondly, I wanted to see if you were all right.’

This time both eyebrows shot up. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘When I last spoke to Gaby I rather got the feeling she’d like to do you some harm.’

Something flickered in the depths of his eyes but it was gone before she could identify it.

‘As you can see I’m perfectly fine. And while I appreciate your concern,’ he added, clearly not appreciating it at all, ‘a phone call would have done.’

‘True on both counts,’ she agreed with a brief nod. ‘But a phone call would certainly not have done for the main reason I’m here.’

‘Which is?’

Deciding that neither a subtle approach nor skirting around the issue would break through such determined lack of emotion, but that getting straight to the point might at least provoke some sort of reaction, Nicky took a deep breath. ‘Right,’ she said, pulling her shoulders back, straightening her spine and looking him straight in the eye. ‘Well. You see, the thing is, I’d like to give that kiss another try.’

* * *

When he’d looked through the spyhole and seen Nicky standing on his doorstep, smiling and waving, distorted but still lovely, Rafael had thought that someone somewhere really had it in for him. That he must have done something really terrible in a former life, because this was the second time she’d surprised him at a door and, while she might not have been armed with Don Quijote on this occasion, her impact had been no less devastating.

Which was why, feeling as if the whole sodding universe was conspiring against him, he’d been momentarily tempted to tiptoe back and hole up in his office in the hope that she’d give up and leave. However, given the not-particularly-subtle way he’d walked to the door, he’d realised that unfortunately that wasn’t an option so he’d had to brace himself and let her in.

To a man whose defences weren’t as indestructible as his now were, Nicky Sinclair, tanned, relaxed and smiling, wrapped in a dress that showed off her lovely curves and shod in high peep-toe wedges that added inches to her already willowy height, might have presented the ultimate temptation.

But not to him. Oh, no. Distance and time had given him ample opportunity to fortify his defences and they were now sky-high, unbreachable and as solid as rock, so he was immune.

If his detached approach felt like harder work than it should have done, it was merely that he’d been briefly thrown off balance by her unexpected appearance. And if he’d nearly dropped his glass when she’d mentioned trying the kiss again, well, that was simply surprise at her boldness, nothing more.

‘What kiss?’ he asked nonchalantly, aware she was waiting for some kind of response.

Nicky shot him a look that suggested she wasn’t convinced by his nonchalance one little bit, and arched an eyebrow. ‘The one you gave me that last Sunday. The one by the pool.’

‘Oh, that kiss,’ he said as if it hadn’t been on his mind constantly over the last fortnight.

‘That’s the one. So what do you think?’

‘About trying it again?’

She nodded.

‘Well, it’s an interesting proposal,’ he said, and shot her the hint of a cool and with any luck condescending smile, ‘and a very flattering one, of course, but I’m afraid it’s out of the question.’

Nicky tilted her head and bit her lip as she stared at him. ‘Out of the question?’

He nodded. ‘Out of the question.’

‘Why?’

Good point. Why was it out of the question? he wondered, his gaze dropping for a split second to that lip before he snapped back to his senses and dragged his eyes back up. ‘I’m rather surprised you’d want to.’

‘Are you?’

Now she was the one who sounded surprised, and frankly that was odd because surely she couldn’t have forgotten her total lack of interest in that kiss. ‘You didn’t seem all that keen at the time,’ Rafael said, and reminded himself that whatever it was that was stabbing at his chest it couldn’t be hurt because he’d got over all that weeks ago.

‘No, but things have changed.’

‘How convenient.’

‘Not entirely, but is my perceived lack of interest your only objection?’

‘Not by a long shot.’

‘Then what else is it?’

For a second he just stood there looking at her, his mind boggling. God, where to start? ‘For one thing I don’t particularly want to.’ That was as good a place as any.

‘Why not?’

‘It wasn’t exactly a success the last time we tried it,’ he drawled, thinking that that was at least partly the truth. ‘So why on earth would I want to go through it again?’

‘It would be better this time. I guarantee it.’

‘There isn’t going to be a this time.’ And he could guarantee that.

There was a brief pause while she glanced at his jaw, his shoulders, and lifted her eyebrows. ‘Are you absolutely certain about that?’ she said eventually. ‘Because you look remarkably tense for a man who isn’t interested in experimenting with one harmless little kiss.’

Harmless? Kissing Nicky? Hah. Rafael forced his shoulders to loosen up and then shrugged. ‘Well, I’m not,’ he said as if he couldn’t be more relaxed. ‘I, for one, have moved on.’

She nodded and bit her lip. ‘Ah.’

‘As I told you at the time my attraction to you was mercifully short-lived, and I got over it days ago.’

‘Oh, yes. I remember. It was an aberration. The sun or the wine or something.’

Now it was his turn to arch an eyebrow because she sounded so continually sceptical and somehow knowing that it was seriously beginning to wind him up. ‘Is it really that hard for you to believe your charms aren’t irresistible?’

‘Of course it isn’t.’ She regarded him thoughtfully and as she did so an odd thread of trepidation began to wind through him. ‘But if you’re not interested, as you claim, if you’re no longer attracted to me, and if that kiss was so unimportant, why for the last ten minutes have you been staring at my mouth as if desperate to feel it beneath yours again?’

The foundations of his defences wobbled, and Rafael set his jaw to hold back the sudden burst of desire that he’d managed to convince himself he’d obliterated but was now pounding away at them. ‘I haven’t.’

‘You have.’

‘Must be a trick of the light.’

‘Right,’ she said with a slow nod. ‘And I suppose the way your eyes are darkening, the way you’re clenching your fist and that muscle hammering in your jaw must be tricks of the light too?’ Her gaze dropped to the zip of his shorts behind which he was helplessly swelling and hardening. ‘Not to mention the way your—’

‘OK, enough,’ he said, and slammed his glass down on the counter, suddenly so sick of the way his body, his senses and everything about this conversation were so out of control that he couldn’t hold back. ‘Maybe I am attracted to you.’

‘Aha, I knew it,’ she said with a triumphant little smile.

‘Maybe I would like to kiss you again,’ he continued, now on an unstoppable roll. ‘Maybe I would like to drag you to the floor, strip you naked and bury myself inside you, but it’s not going to happen.’ About that he was absolutely certain. ‘Nor am I going to let you kiss me, however seductively you try and dress up your request.’

For a second Nicky just looked at him, that damnably distracting mouth dropping open in shock at his outburst. ‘But why ever not?’ she said, her breathing ragged and her cheeks pink.

‘Because you’re not well,’ he said tightly.

Her eyebrows shot up. ‘What?’

‘You’re not well.’

She frowned. ‘Have you been speaking to Gaby?’

‘Yes.’

‘What did she say?’

‘That you needed a rest.’

‘Which I’ve now had,’ she said, taking a step towards him. ‘Yes, I’ll admit that I haven’t been all that great, and my lack of response to you initially was part of it, but I’m better now. Much better.’

As if that made any difference, he thought, wishing he could take a giant step back and get out of her mind-scrambling orbit. ‘I’m delighted to hear it,’ he muttered roughly.

‘So much so that over the last couple of weeks I’ve found myself thinking about you. About that kiss.’ She paused and tilted her head. ‘And whenever I did there was this kind of spark. Right here.’ She splayed her hand low on her abdomen.

Rafael focused on a huge arrangement of flowers sitting on the breakfast bar to her right. ‘Good for you.’

‘It was. It is. And it could be good for both of us because now there’s more than just a spark.’

‘You could spontaneously combust and it wouldn’t bother me one little bit.’ Were those dahlia pinnatas?

‘I feel I’m about to.’

‘That’s your prerogative.’ They were, and if he wasn’t much mistaken there were some spathiphyllum wallisii in there too. He looked a little harder. Yep. Definitely spathiphyllum wallisii.

Nicky let out an exasperated sigh. ‘Rafael, what is your problem?’

He reluctantly dragged his gaze back to her and pushed his hands through his hair. ‘You’re a friend of Gaby’s,’ he stated flatly.

A pause. ‘And?’

‘And I don’t get involved with friends of any of my sisters.’

‘Why on earth not?’

‘I did it once and it didn’t work out well.’

‘What happened?’

God, what hadn’t happened? ‘I married her.’

‘Oh.’

‘Quite,’ he bit out. ‘It went wrong and in the ensuing mess I nearly lost my sister as well as my wife. Do you really think I’d want to risk that happening again?’

‘Do you really think it would?’

‘I’ve no idea, but it could and I have no intention of putting it to the test. So forget it. Just forget it.’

Nicky slowly tapped her mouth with her index finger as she presumably considered his position. ‘Look, Rafael,’ she said eventually, pulling her shoulders back and fixing him with a disconcertingly probing look. ‘Aren’t you rather over-analysing this? I’m not suggesting we get married or anything. Or even really get involved in a relationship. Heaven forbid, that’s the last thing I want. All I’m suggesting is a kiss.’

Just a kiss? Was she nuts? He let out a sharp laugh. ‘Really? Do you honestly think it would stop there?’

‘Well, OK,’ she said with a grin, ‘if we’re being honest, I’m hoping not. I’m hoping that if the kiss works out well then maybe we can take things further.’

‘Further’s the problem,’ he all but snapped.

‘Why? When is an afternoon of hot sex ever a problem?’

‘When it gets complicated.’

‘It won’t,’ she said firmly. ‘It never does with me. Look, now I’ve got my health back I’m not interested in anything permanent, truly. So neither you nor your relationship with Gaby are under any threat whatsoever from me.’

She walked over to him, smiled up at him, desire blazing in the blue-grey depths of her eyes, and put her hand on his chest. ‘Come on, Rafael,’ she said softly and his vision blurred. ‘Haven’t you wondered what it would be like? A proper kiss. With both of us involved...’

Rafael felt as if he’d been thumped in the gut. Her proximity blew all rational thought from his head and left it empty of everything except harsh clamouring need. His skin beneath her hand burned and his head pounded. He had wondered what it would be like. Endlessly. And that was precisely the trouble.

‘Honestly, it’s just one little kiss,’ she said, her hand sliding higher, curving round his neck and threading through his hair. ‘How can one little kiss hurt?’

Beneath the onslaught of her scent, her warmth and her innate sensuality those cracked and weakened foundations crumbled, and down crashed his defences.

As they lay in smithereens at his feet once more Rafael knew he didn’t stand a chance. That since the moment he’d seen her through the spyhole he’d never stood a chance. He’d tried, but Nicky had battered down every one of his objections with logic and one smouldering smile after another, and now the pressure of wanting her was just too much.

There’d be time for explanations and regret and the chance to figure out what the hell was happening later. But right now he was drowning in need and he couldn’t resist any longer.

With a strange sense that somehow this had been inevitable from the moment they’d met, Rafael gave up and gave in. ‘Come here,’ he muttered, and yanked her into his arms.