One More Sleepless Night

SEVEN



Oh my God, thought Nicky in astonishment, touching her mouth and staring wide-eyed at Rafael as he took a step back and raked his hands through his hair.

What on earth had that been all about?

One minute, faintly concerned by the strangled groan he’d let out while rubbing cream into her shoulders, she’d been politely enquiring after his health, the next she’d been dragged into his arms and had the life kissed out of her.

And why would he do that? she wondered dazedly before her head cleared of the shock and the dizziness, and the only feasible answer came to her. Surely he couldn’t fancy her, could he?

No. It was impossible. He’d shown no indication that he did. In fact, what with the whole braining him business and the way he’d kept himself so busy over the last twenty-four hours and—with the exception of supper last night—very definitely out of her way, she’d got the impression that she was more of a nuisance than an attraction. Which she could well understand because she hadn’t exactly been the ideal house guest so far.

Yet there was no denying the intensity and the passion behind that kiss. She could still feel the heat of his mouth moving over hers, the pressure of his hands on her body and the tension that had vibrated through him. She could still feel his tongue sliding between her lips and tangling with hers with the kind of skill and focus that her former self would have revelled in. And she could most certainly still feel the hard length of the erection that had been throbbing so insistently against her abdomen.

Good heavens, she thought, blinking in surprise as it became pretty obvious that he did, in fact, want her. Who’d have imagined...?

If she’d given it much thought, which she hadn’t, it would never have occurred to her that someone fancying her at the moment was possible. Why would anyone—especially a man like Rafael who could presumably have whichever woman he chose—when she looked like a wreck and felt about as attractive as a sack of potatoes? But as bizarre as it seemed, all the evidence suggested that was indeed the case.

So was that what lunch had been all about? Was that why he’d switched on the charm and shot her so many warm blinding smiles she’d had to slip on her sunglasses? Had he been flirting with her?

God, maybe it was and maybe he had. And like the hopeless idiot she’d become she hadn’t had a clue about any of it. She’d taken his attention at face value, and, feeling so deliciously relaxed and so inordinately grateful that he’d respected her request to leave the subject of her nightmare alone, had casually returned his smiles and fielded his questions as if talking to an old friend.

Not only that but she’d asked him to rub cream into her back. She’d even taken her bikini top off, for heaven’s sake. No wonder he’d flipped.

Oh, what a mess, she thought as despair and mortification flooded through her. What a horrible awkward mess. Rafael wanted her. Unfortunately she didn’t want him. Where on earth did they go from here?

But before she could even begin to work out whether she ought to offer him some sort of explanation for her lack of response, Rafael broke the excruciating tension.

‘I do apologise,’ he said with an icy cool formality that knocked her off balance for a second and had her suddenly wondering if maybe she’d got it all wrong. If maybe she’d imagined the scorching heat and the passion that had been pouring off him only a minute ago because there was absolutely none of that left, was there? Nor was there any sign of the raw, out-of- control desperation she’d sensed in him when he’d been kissing her. In fact the man standing in front of her with the blank expression on his face, the shutters down over his eyes and the air of tight self-control surrounding him was almost unrecognisable, and to be honest she found the abrupt switch perplexing and not a little disconcerting.

‘Whatever for?’ she said, dragging herself back to what he’d said and thinking that if anyone had to apologise, surely it was her.

‘Assaulting you,’ he said flatly. ‘It was unforgivable. I’m sorry.’

What? ‘Assaulting me?’ she echoed her eyebrows lifting as the feeling of having stepped into an alternate reality grew. ‘You didn’t assault me. You kissed me. There’s a difference.’

‘Is there?’ The flatness of his voice suggested he didn’t agree.

‘Of course.’

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his shorts and his jaw tightened. ‘You didn’t respond.’

And that made him think he’d assaulted her? Hmm, however unpalatable an in-depth explanation for her lack of response might be, she couldn’t let him think that. ‘Well, no,’ Nicky admitted, ‘but that wasn’t your fault.’

‘Wasn’t it?’

‘No.’ She shook her head vehemently and gave him a faint smile. ‘I mean, let’s face it, you’re gorgeous and most women would have swooned at that kiss.’

‘But not you.’

Her smile faded. ‘No. But really, it’s not you. It’s me.’

She didn’t think it would be possible but Rafael went even stiller and his jaw tightened even more and she inwardly cringed because it might be true but it was still one of the most hackneyed lines on the planet. ‘It really is me,’ she added, but that didn’t sound any better.

‘Forget it,’ he said with a dismissive shrug.

‘I can’t,’ she said, ‘because you have no idea how much I want to find you attractive.’ He winced and she sighed in despair because instead of making things better she was only making them worse. ‘If you’d just let me explain...’

‘You don’t have to explain anything.’

‘I do.’

‘There’s really no need.’

‘I think there is.’

And then his stonily blank mask slipped for a second, his eyes suddenly flashing as he glowered at her. ‘Look, Nicky,’ he snapped and she jumped. ‘For the briefest of moments I found you attractive. Maybe it was the heat. The wine. Or the sun. Whatever. It was an error of judgement on my part, a mistake and an aberration. I apologise for it and you can be sure it won’t happen again, but it really doesn’t warrant discussion.’

‘Yes, it does—’ she began, but broke off when he whipped up his hand to put a halt to whatever she’d been about to say.

‘No. This morning you asked me to leave the subject of your nightmare alone. Now I’m asking you to return the courtesy. So please. Just leave it.’

‘But—’

‘Now.’

At the hard, unyielding tone of his voice Nicky fell silent. She looked at him for a long few seconds and then gave up. What was the point of trying to force an explanation and an apology onto him when he was in such an unreceptive frame of mind? There’d be plenty of time for that later anyway, once they’d both had a chance to cool down and reflect. Although frankly, if Rafael got any cooler he’d qualify for cryogenic preservation.

‘OK. Fine,’ she said grudgingly. ‘I’ll drop it.’ For now.

‘Good,’ he said curtly and swiped up his T-shirt. ‘Now please excuse me. There are things I need to see to.’

* * *

The distant sound of her mobile ringing in the kitchen filtered through the haze of her sleep-filled siesta, and Nicky yawned and stretched. She got up and padded down the stairs, her head beginning to spin yet again with the strange turn of events that the afternoon had taken.

So much for attempting to explain her behaviour, for trying to apologise. She’d done her level best, she really had, but for some reason Rafael had thwarted her every attempt.

In fact she probably shouldn’t have bothered to try in the first place, she thought as she headed in the direction of the increasingly loud ringing, because hadn’t he told her that he steered well clear of emotional mess? He had, so presumably the last thing he was hankering after was a spilling out of her soul, and in that they were in perfect agreement. Actually, apart from Gaby, it was about the only thing she and Rafael did have in common.

And as they were never going be anything more than the merest of acquaintances she really didn’t need to waste any more time worrying about it. She had no need to ponder the odd way he’d gone from scorchingly hot to icily cold by the pool. No need to question the steely indifference he’d chosen to adopt, and no need to try to work out what was going on in his head any more than he needed to try and work out what was going on in hers.

No, she needed to pour all her energy to recovery. Recovery and staying well out of his way.

Spying her phone vibrating on the huge scrubbed pine table that sat in the centre of the kitchen, Nicky walked over, picked it up and hit the little green button. ‘Hello?’

‘Nicky!’ came the relieved shriek down the phone, and at the sound of Gaby’s voice she pushed all thoughts of perplexing men to one side and felt herself smile.

‘Well, hello, stranger,’ she said, pulling out a chair and sitting down.

‘God, I’m sorry. I lost my phone and all the numbers and everything and it’s taken an age to get a new one.’

‘So that’s why I couldn’t get hold of you.’

‘No one’s been able to. It’s been a total pain.’ As Gaby’s entire life was contained in her phone, Nicky could imagine her distress.

‘How’s Bahrain?’

‘Hot. And depressingly dry, in all senses of the word. But more importantly, how are you?’

Hmm. Now wasn’t that the question of the century? Quite honestly, what with everything that had been going on lately Nicky wasn’t sure she knew any more. ‘Fine,’ she said in the absence of having any idea what else to say.

‘Really?’

‘Well, getting there,’ she amended as it suddenly struck her that maybe she was. Maybe the cortijo had begun to work its magic, because, now she thought about it, of all the emotions that had been churning through her in the last couple of days—and there’d been plenty—despair and desolation had been conspicuous by their absence.

‘Good. And how are your chakras?’

She thought about it a bit more and felt surprisingly light, as if the dark heavy weight she’d been carrying around for so long was beginning to lift a little. And then her smile deepened as the light at the end of that tunnel glowed a fraction brighter. ‘Beginning to align, it would seem.’

‘Hah,’ said Gaby triumphantly. ‘I knew it. God, I’m good.’

Nicky sat back in the chair, lifted her knees and planted her heels on the edge of the seat. ‘Not that good,’ she said dryly, wrapping her arm around her ankles and hugging her knees to her chest. ‘I thought you swore your brother never came down here.’

‘He doesn’t. Or at least he hasn’t for ages.’

‘He does now.’

There was long, rather stunned silence. ‘Rafa’s there?’

‘Yes.’ At least she imagined he was. Probably seeing to those ‘things’ that had suddenly demanded such urgent attention.

‘Good Lord. Why?’

Nicky paused and racked her brains because she could hardly tell Gaby her brother had been escaping his sisters. ‘I think he was after a bit of rest and relaxation,’ she said vaguely.

Gaby blew out a breath. ‘Oh, I am sorry.’

‘Why? It’s not your fault.’

‘No, I guess not. I mean, I did try and contact him, but he wouldn’t answer any of my calls and he didn’t reply to any of my emails...It never occurred to me he’d actually show up, though.’

‘Well, he did,’ Nicky muttered, catching sight of a slip of paper propped up against the vase of flowers sitting in the centre of the table. She leaned forwards to read the short note and then sat back and frowned, not at all sure what to make of it. ‘But now it seems he’s gone.’

There was a pause. ‘Gone? Gone where?

‘Back to Madrid.’

‘Why?’

An excellent question. ‘Work, according to the note I’ve just found.’

There was a moment’s silence while Gaby processed the information. ‘That doesn’t make any sense at all.’

‘Well, it is Sunday,’ said Nicky, propping the piece of paper back where she’d found it. ‘So I guess he had to get back for Monday.’

‘But it’s August,’ said Gaby, sounding utterly baffled. ‘No one works in August.’

Nicky bit her lip and tried to ignore the niggling suspicion that he’d planned to stay longer than just the weekend and had it not been for her he’d still be there. ‘Apart from Rafael apparently,’ she said, and then added as much to reassure herself as Gaby, ‘You said yourself that he’s a workaholic.’

Gaby sighed. ‘That’s true, I suppose. What else did his note say?’

‘Not a lot. Just that I’m to enjoy the rest of my holiday.’

‘I second that... So tell me everything. How did Rafael take you being there?’

Nicky grimaced as snapshots of the last couple of days flashed through her memory. ‘I don’t think he was entirely happy about it.’ Which had to be the understatement of the century.

‘No, well, he only has himself to blame,’ said Gaby huffily. ‘If he’d bothered to get in touch I could have explained everything.’

‘It was fine,’ said Nicky and hoped she wouldn’t be struck down for the little white lie. ‘Rafael spent most of the time talking to his vines and I’ve spent most of it reading by the pool. And that’s—er—about it.’

Gaby hmmed sceptically. ‘Now why do I get the feeling you’re not telling me everything?’

Probably because Nicky sounded as guilty as hell, even though she didn’t really have anything to be guilty about. But heavens, now really wasn’t a good time for Gaby to have one of her flashes of insight, because she was, after all, Rafael’s sister, and, while Nicky didn’t have any siblings so she didn’t know for sure, she doubted Gaby would feel comfortable knowing exactly what had gone on by the pool any more than she would be discussing it.

‘Nicky?’

She stifled a sigh and ran a hand through her hair. ‘I can’t imagine,’ she said and cringed because it would have been hard to sound less convincing.

‘Could it be because you’re being uncharacteristically evasive?’

Nicky could virtually see her friend’s antennae quivering, and pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘I’m not being evasive,’ she said. Evasively.

Gaby sucked in a breath and then said in a steely voice that Nicky had never heard before, ‘What did he do?’

Nicky felt herself go bright red and thanked God Gaby wasn’t around to see it. ‘Nothing.’

‘Rubbish. I know my brother. Did he make a pass at you or something?’

She wriggled in her chair and thought that however uncomfortable it made either of them, she’d have to come clean because one thing she’d discovered about her neighbour was that she might be all about balance and peace and chakras but she could be ruthlessly relentless in her pursuit of the truth when the mood took her.

‘It was just a kiss,’ she said lightly. ‘That’s all. Rafael kissed me, we had a—ah—little chat about it, and then at some point between then and now he must have gone.’

Long seconds of silence ticked by. So many of them, in fact, that Nicky wondered if they’d been cut off. ‘Gaby? Are you still there?’

‘I’m here.’

‘Did you hear what I said?’

‘I did.’

‘And are you reassured?’

There was a pause and then it was as if Gaby sort of exploded. ‘Reassured? Reassured? Are you joking? I’m not reassured in the least. In fact I’m going to kill him,’ she spluttered. ‘I’m going to bloody kill him.’

* * *

Rafael slammed closed the door to his flat, dumped his things in the hall and headed straight to the fridge for a cool refreshing beer. Flipping off the lid, he lifted the bottle to his mouth, leaned back against the counter and took a long swallow.

God, what an afternoon.

As the harrowing memory of it slammed back into his head for the thousandth time since he’d packed up and left he closed his eyes and let out a long deep breath.

How could he have got it all so badly wrong? How could he have so totally lost control like that? How could his rock-solid resistance to temptation have vaporised quite so comprehensively?

His behaviour had been unfamiliar, unexpected and completely unprecedented. And as for the primal urge to stake some sort of claim on Nicky, the one that had surged through him and had made him reach down and grab her, well, that had simply been as scary as hell.

At least in the aftermath of the kiss he’d managed to wrestle back some degree of control, he thought with a shudder. At least he hadn’t high-tailed it to the safety of his vines as he’d been so tempted to do, but instead had stayed there, strong and resolute and in control. And at least he hadn’t revealed any of the turmoil and confusion and still- scorching desire that had been churning through him. That really would have finished him off.

Yes, cool indifference and a refusal to let her speak had been the right way to handle it because he’d had no intention of engaging in a discussion about what had happened and he certainly hadn’t wanted her to rake over the way he’d behaved or analyse his many deficiencies.

Leaving had been a good idea too because, for one thing, Nicky might have agreed to back off but the look in her eye had been fiercely determined and he’d got the impression she was planning to revisit the discussion at the first available opportunity.

For another, he might not have wanted to admit it, but her rejection of him had hurt and he didn’t really need to be constantly reminded of it every time he laid eyes on her.

And lastly, with his self-control in such bits he couldn’t guarantee that kissing her wouldn’t happen again, and if that wasn’t the most terrifying thought on the planet he didn’t know what was.

So he’d walked away from her with what little pride he’d had left, utterly exhausted and defeated and struck by the realisation that finally, finally he’d reached breaking point.

Rafael sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. It had truly been the most shattering, frustrating, painful weekend he’d had in years and frankly he couldn’t wait to see the back of it.

At least it was nearly over, he told himself, glancing up at the clock. He’d use what was left of it and the rest of the beer in the fridge to wipe it from his head, and put Nicky out of his mind once and for all. Then all the stuff churning around inside him would settle down, things would get better and he’d start to feel normal again.

With any luck.

The sound of his phone ringing jerked Rafael out of his thoughts. He dug it out of his pocket and as he glanced at the screen he inwardly groaned because apparently things weren’t going to get better just yet.

Resisting the temptation to ignore the call because look at what had happened the last time he’d done that, he hit the answer button and lifted the phone to his ear.

‘Gaby,’ he said, and took another swig from the bottle. ‘Good of you to get in touch. How’s Bahrain?’

‘Don’t you give me any of that good-of-you-to-get-in-touch-how’s-Bahrain crap,’ said his sister, sounding so uncharacteristically fierce that he tensed, every one of his instincts instantly jumping to high alert. ‘What I want to know is, what the hell did you do to my friend?’

Carefully setting down his beer, Rafael forced himself to relax and stay cool. ‘I take it you’ve spoken to Nicky.’

‘I’ve just got off the phone to her.’

‘How is she?’

Gaby blew out a furious breath. ‘Oh, she’s fine. Just fine, considering... Me, though, I’m in a state of shock.’

He closed his eyes for a second and ignored the urge to hang up and blame it on a low battery. ‘Why? What did she say?’

‘That you’d kissed her.’

‘I see.’

Gaby spluttered a bit more. ‘Is that it?’

Rafael stifled a sigh. ‘What else do you want me to say? You seem to know everything already.’

‘Not everything,’ she said furiously. ‘One thing I’d really like to know is, how could you?’

Pretty easily, he thought, as the memory of Nicky in his arms and how she’d got there flashed in his head. Stamping down on the sudden surge of desire that rushed through him, he forced himself to focus on the conversation.

‘What’s your problem, Gaby? Why the outrage?’

In contrast to him Nicky hadn’t seemed particularly upset by the kiss earlier so what was his sister so het up about? Had Nicky had time to reflect and reached the same conclusion that he had? Had she decided that he had in fact taken one hell of a liberty, and said as much to Gaby? ‘It was only a kiss,’ he muttered as a sense of unease and a ribbon of self-disgust wound through him.

‘That’s precisely the problem,’ his sister said vehemently. ‘Nicky does not need kissing. She’s in enough of a mess as it is without you adding to it.’

Rafael frowned. ‘What kind of mess?’

‘It’s not for me to say.’

‘Gaby...’

‘No. She asked me not to. But it’s serious.’

A chill ran through him. ‘Is she ill?’

‘No. At least not physically, I don’t think. But what I will say is that she’s been going through a really rough time lately and could do with a bit of head-space. She needs a break and time to get herself back together. Alone.’

And just like that, as if he didn’t have enough to contend with, a bucketload of guilt landed on top of all the frustration and desire and self-recrimination, and his head began to pound with the force of it.

God, he should have realised something wasn’t quite right with Nicky. In fact, he had, hadn’t he? Within five minutes of meeting her he’d noticed the paleness of her face and the fact that she was a little too thin. He’d seen the way she’d tensed up when they’d talked about her work yesterday evening at supper, and he’d registered the way she’d been so reticent to talk about herself today at lunch. And then what about that nightmare she’d had, and he’d conveniently let drop?

Yes, all the signs that she wasn’t entirely OK had been there. And what had he done? He’d paid it all the barest attention and then like a self-centred jerk switched his focus to himself, completely consumed by the heat and desire she’d aroused in him and outraged by the fact that it wasn’t reciprocated.

And then he’d jumped on her.

As yet more self-disgust unfurled in the pit of his stomach and spread throughout his body Rafael wished he’d never made the decision to head south. He wished he’d stayed right here and suffered whatever torture that dinner party might have held, whatever lengths Elisa might have gone to to make him change his mind, because frankly none of it would have been as unpalatable as having to live with the knowledge that his behaviour over the last forty-eight hours was nothing to be proud of.

‘Well, I’m back at home,’ he said flatly, ‘and as I have no intention of laying eyes on her ever again, Nicky can have all the head-space she needs.’