On The Rocks

Taking a step toward her, I come in close so she has to tilt her head up to look at me. “You haven’t forgotten it, Gabs. It’s why you’re so angry with me. And I’m telling you I’m sorry because I truly am. If I could go back and change it, I would.”


My nearness affects her, just as it affects me, so she moves back a step. I viscerally feel the loss of warmth within the distance she’s put between us. She pulls her lower lip in between her teeth and casts her gaze sideways, as if she’s pondering the merit of my last statement.

When she turns back to look at me, she asks, “What would you have changed?”

She’s curious… too curious for her own good, and I can see that this has indeed plagued her for quite a long time.

Sighing, I move back toward my desk and sit down on the edge, tucking my hands in my pockets. “I handled it badly. I mean, you shocked the shit out of me, and then I shocked myself when I kissed you back. I guess the thing I want you to know, is that I was never mad at you, even though I acted like an ass. I was mad at myself, and I took it out on you.”

Gabby tilts her head to the side in interest. “Mad at yourself? Why?”

“I guess because on one level, I was telling myself that it was wrong… the attraction I was feeling. But then I had no control over myself. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted more from you that night, but I told myself it was wrong. I was pissed because I was denying myself. Denying myself something I very much wanted.”

I can see that she’s shocked over my admission because her mouth hangs slightly open. “You wanted me?”

“Of course I did. Didn’t you feel it when we kissed?”

I know damn well she felt my hard-on, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the yearning that was inherent in that kiss. She merely nods at me, casting her gaze back down to the floor.

“But I thought I disgusted you. At least… that was the expression on your face.”

Okay, that kills me… hearing her say that, knowing that she’s been thinking that for the last five years. I can’t help my reaction when I push away from the desk and walk up to her, taking her face in my hands so she looks at me.

“Gabby… trust me when I say, disgust is not something I’ve ever felt toward you, then or now. I’m really sorry if you’ve been thinking that, and I really hope you can forgive me.”

She just stares at me… pulling me into those hazel eyes. I can see her thinking back over all the misconceptions she’s been laboring under for several years, and trying to reconcile the fact that I’m telling her she was wrong.

I’m not letting her go though, until she tells me she believes me. Until she knows, without a doubt, that disgust has never been on my list of feelings for Gabby Ward.

“Are we okay?” I ask her, practically holding my breath for her answer.

She doesn’t make me wait. Giving me a tentative smile, she says, “Yeah… we’re okay.”

I’m so grateful that I pull her into a hug, wrapping my arms around her tight and resting my chin on top of her head. She’s stiff at first, but then her arms wrap around my waist and I feel her sigh into my chest.

We hold each other for just a minute, and then she pulls back. “How about showing me that alarm system? I probably need to get back out there.”

“Sure thing.”