My nose was all choked up from crying so much, so I sounded like a five-year old when I murmured, “I don’t understand.”
“Babe,” his voice rumbled, the tenderness back, although I could still see the annoyance in his eyes. “I was pissed off last night when you broke up with me, and so I just walked away. I went to Elodie’s because I knew she’d be awake worrying about Ellie and I wanted to see if she was okay. She knew something was wrong with me as soon as she let me in. I told her what had happened and she told me what she said to you at the wedding, and she also told me that when she said that to you, you looked like you’d been slapped. And after, when we were dancing, she realized she was wrong about you.” He let go of my wrists to slide his hands into my hair, tilting my head back so I couldn’t look away. “I spent last night going over and over the last six months in my head and I know that you’re lying to me. I know you love me, Jocelyn, because there’s no fucking way I can be this much in love with you, and not have you feel the same way. It’s not possible.”
Heart pounding, fear clawing at my throat, I tried to swallow it down. “So what the hell was this morning?”
He squeezed my nape and bent his head closer to mine, his eyes definitely still dark with anger. “You’re not untrustworthy, you’re not cold and you’re not a bitch. You have… issues. I get that. We all have issues. But once I realized you were lying to me, I began to understand why. You think you never gave yourself away with me. You think you have time to backpedal and pretend nothing happened between us, because that way if anything ever happens to me, you can tell yourself you don’t care, and you don’t feel the pain.”
Oh my God, he was a goddamn psychic now.
“You’re also bloody good at pretending you don’t feel anything. I thought if I could hurt you this morning, I might get the proof I needed that you were lying.”
I pinned him with a look that said I wanted to rip his balls off. “So you told me you had slept with someone else?”
He nodded gently and brushed an apologetic kiss across my lips. “Sorry, babe. I did it to get to the truth… but if I’m honest I did it to hurt you the way you hurt me last night.” His eyes filled with remorse. “I’m really sorry. I never want to put that look on your face again, or ever make you cry again, I swear. But the truth is, you did cry. You cried because the thought of me doing that to you ripped you apart. You love me.”
I tried to gather my thoughts, my panic sending them scattering. There was too much to deal with, too much to discuss, and it all had to be later because Ellie needed us. “One: that was the shittiest thing in the world to do. Two: we can’t do this right now.”
“We’re not leaving this kitchen until you admit you love me.”
“Braden, I mean it.” I pushed at him sternly and he let me go, although he didn’t step back. “I’m still broken up with you. I’m not changing my mind.”
His eyes looked to the heavens and I watched him wrestle with his patience. Finally his gaze cut back to me and I could see the muscle in his jaw twitching. “Why not?” He bit out.
I wouldn’t explain it to him. He’d just find some way to argue around it and I just… no! “Because I just won’t. Now, we have a long day in front of us and a possibly even longer few months, so just… let it go.”
“Okay.” Braden threw up his hands and stepped back. I was just about to sigh with a small kind of relief when he spoke again, “For now.”
Oh hell. “What?”
He grinned at me, and it was a boyish weary grin aiming for wicked, but too tired and worried to reach it. “I love you. You’re mine. I’ll kill any bastard who tries to take you from me. So, here’s how it’s going to go: Ellie comes first, but while we’re taking care of her you can be as pig-headed as you want and pretend that we’re broken up. I’ll even let you. But I’m also going to be here, every day, showing you what you’re missing.”
My cheeks were still wet, my eyes swollen, and I knew I must look a mess, but right then I didn’t care. Part of me was overwhelmed and in awe. The other half of me was scared shitless. And holding on to both of their leashes was my headstrong persistence. “Are you insane? I’m not changing my mind.”
“Yes you will.” Braden sighed. “We’re going to need each other through this. All of us. But if you can’t do that, then I’m going to play hardball. I’m going to do whatever it takes. Some of it will frustrate you, some of it will turn you on, and some of it will hopefully really piss you off.”
“You are insane.”
“No.” We spun around to see Ellie standing in the kitchen doorway in her bathrobe, wearing a small, exhausted but determined smile. “He’s fighting for what he wants.”
“He’s not the only one,” I heard Adam’s voice as the front door opened and shut, and Ellie turned in the doorway to look out into the hall.